Children Are Vampires

Children are vampires. That much everyone can probably agree on, in principle. Now, the allegation is pretty obvious, all things considered. First, we have to begin with the definition of a vampire.

A vampire is an undead, blood sucking monster. From the various vampire lore, it is not always established that vampires are indeed vulnerable to sunlight or holy relics. Since nobody can really confirm that, we shouldn't jump to conclusions. Most do, however, agree that a stake to the heart can be rather debilitating for a vampire. Hence, we'll go with that for now.

Let's consider the child, then. Children were once fetuses. They start off sucking blood in the womb (yes, yes we know the biology, but it sure looks like it =p). Check that off. Children, as defined by adults, have no life. Technically, that would make them undead. Let's check that, too. Children, especially those under the age of 2, are called "little monsters". Right. Good. So we have an undead, blood-sucking little monster. Hence, we may conclude that children are indeed vampires, though many do grow out of that phase. That's why most adults no longer truly believe in vampires.

Of course, I did postulate that, based on this particular logic, other creatures may be vampires, too. Take for example Hitler. Given the Christian propensity to sing about drinking blood, I would have to assume that they are, at least metaphorically (and some claim literally) blood drinkers. Hitler was Christian. That makes him a blood drinker. Just about everyone agrees that he's a monster. There goes another. And of course, as a Nazi, he certainly had no life. If Hitler's a vampire, and so are children, beware, people. Vampires walk amongst us.