Feedback Loop: A Nagging Hypothesis

The mind has an interesting tendency to ignore things that are deemed unimportant. For example, if the toilet smells and it is unimportant (does not cause any perceptible harm), the smell is screened out by the mind.

Now, there is also a feedback loop. If the toilet smell is deemed important, the mind feeds back the sense without causing it to be screened out. It is very much akin to a doctor’s needle that feels far more intense when you’re paying attention to it.

We are all familiar with the concept of nagging. It occurs when a person figures that something is important and repeatedly relates the concept of that important something to another person. Naturally, nagging only occurs when the other party does not regard that something as important, or that something would have been removed in the first place.

So this is where it all gets together. Let’s assume that the situation in question is a toilet that smells. In this hypothetical situation, the woman notices the smell just as well as the man. Both notice it at this point. We will assume that the woman deems the smell important and the man does not. After some time, the woman is nagging about the smell, and the man gets very much angry about the nagging. What happened?

Initially, both noticed the smell. However, the man finds it unimportant and screens the sense out. He has effectively ignored the smell. The woman finds it important, however. This is probably because of social factors. The toilet is probably a domestic unit and belongs in the domestic sphere that women traditionally dominate. Moreover, keeping the household healthy is important to her. Bad toilet smells could indicate unclean surroundings that may spread disease. Finally, it is socially rewarding for a woman to be observant (you’ll understand this part if you are a woman)

Given the perceived importance of the smell, the woman’s mind does not let her ignore it. Think of this as a doctor’s needle…multiplied every time the woman is reminded of the smell. When the feeling overflows, there is an urge to relate this to another person: the hapless man. Understandably, the man initially accepts this, but does nothing about it because he feels it is unimportant. Later on, with repeated reminders, he feels frustrated because he is being constantly reminded about something he effectively does not notice anymore. It seems like much ado about nothing! With the differences in perception, the woman winds up having to get rid of the smell…and put another black mark on the man’s sordid character.

Now, let’s extrapolate this to my room. Here are the facts: It is messy. Mom feels that the mess is somehow important. I do not stay in the house much (there’s school and stuff). Mom stays in the house a whole lot more. Guess who gets more frustrated about the situation? =p