I dropped my Porta-Navi. I dropped her for the first time. What was it that I felt when she fell? Was it pain? Was it concern? It is so hard to tell when you are still mostly numb. My notes fell, and as I bent over to pick them up, the laptop fell as well. She landed on her side. I dare say that I felt more in that moment than I ever did when I received news that my first uncle died. *taps keys* Yep. Still functional.
What is pain? Why does pain insinuate itself vicariously via empathy such that you feel something when you really should not? It is strange how I can feel a pain that is not even real. Why would I hurt myself in anticipation of others hurting me? It is illogical. There are too many things that are illogical.
Emotions are illogical. Politeness is illogical. Many widely accepted norms are illogical. All meaning as artificial constructs. Life is meaningless. Meaning is created. Thus does *living* have its meaning, which does not truly exist. Willpower makes things real, but how real is real? A perceived hurt that does not exist? Emotional pain that has no roots in physical damage? Why, why, why...why get up? Why do I persist?
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