In The Beginning

In the beginning, there was nothing, and the universe was exceedingly boring. And then it got so bored that it emitted a huge flash of light in order to ask for help. As a result of that flash of light, lots of dirt started forming out of apparently nowhere. The dirt felt lonely and started clumping together. Some dirt clumped so close together that it began emitting light entirely of its own accord. Some tiny dirt particles clumped together and formed sloshy dirt. And some dirt formed nearly perfectly spherical structures that were all hot and nasty and bothered.

After some time, dirt clustered in the sloshy dirt to form small squishy things. The small squishy things gathered to form larger squishy things. The larger squishy things started making tougher outer layers of more dirt in order to avoid being damaged by other squishy things.

This went on until the not-so-squishy things discovered that it was crowded in the sloshy dirt, and that there was actually solid dirt beyond the sloshy dirt. The not-so-squishy things that were able to survive then decided to go visit the solid dirt, and some found it to be good.

Later on, the not-so-squishy things became more solid from their diet of solid dirt and minimal sloshy dirt. They got bigger and bigger, and less and less squishy, though they remained squishy on the inside. Some became so hard on the outside that they became scaly things, and some had softer outside and became furry things. Some just stayed and vegetated and became tall and not-so-tall leafy and scaly things.

Unfortunately, something happened that was scaly thing-unfriendly and most of the larger scaly things died out except those in the sloshy dirt. The world became furrier and furrier. But some furry things started flying. It was all rather complicated. The flying things started staying in the leafy and scaly things. And the furry things that didn't hide in the dirt also took to playing in the leafy and scaly things, much to the flying things' chagrin.

As usual, more and more aberrations turned up in the bizarre universe and some furry things started growing up without fur. They were laughed at so hard that they set themselves aside from the rest of the dirt and started doing their own thing. Since they were furless, they figured that they may as well rule over all the dirt since nobody else seemed inclined to.

The rest of it happened in a comparatively short period of time, and is highly documented. Much of what is recorded appears highly unusual and egotistical. The gist of it was the furless things started gathering in ever larger groups and finding ways to do things together, disgusting as it may seem.

To this day, the dirt remains infested with furless things that build tall and hard things and throw all sorts of junk all over the place because they're too lazy to clean up after themselves. They also believe that the dirt will never build up enough to cause weird problems. Oh, and they are also convinced that everything began from nothing, and then there was a flash of light.

As a side note: The MacBook!