Heaven's a Lie

Yes. I still do like Lacuna Coil. A lot.

I was reading The Last Legion by Valerio Massimo Manfredi. It's quite a relief after finishing Dan Brown's Angels and Demons. Seriously, I do feel that the Dan Brown novel was even worse than the Da Vinci Code. To me, Angels and Demons was like the Da Vinci Code, only with hardly any veiling for trivia snippets and a rather less compelling storyline. The Last Legion, on the other hand, is more of a cinematic production stuffed into a book. The scenarios presented are vivid (as would be expected from the historian/archaeologist) and have depth to them. Even the period trivia pertaining to the story are well-woven into the storyline rather than sticking out like an appendix snippet within the prose. The story is set around 476CE, the time of Romulus Augustus and the fall of the western Roman empire. While I am not well-read when it comes to the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, I dare say that I did manage to form a rather clear picture of each scene as it plays out and that lends an authenticity to the story which is absent in Angels and Demons. I really did enjoy reading this text.


Peace

There is no anger,
only the peaceful, still leaves.
Change comes as change goes.

Klaatu verata nikto!

Klaatu*mumblekoffkoff* Yes. That word is haunting me again! Argh! I'll never escape it's evil clutches and the dead will rise again and lope around for no good reason at all! It's so very supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (and for no good reason at all). Yes, indeed, Evil Dead was perhaps one of the most senseless of all the zombie flicks I had ever watched. Worst of all, what's stuck in my head is not "groovy" but KLAATU VERATA NIKTO! I'll have to find an opportunity to use that word around an arcane tome when the zombies are about. Yes...I am talking about my maths textbook. Why dost thou torment me so?

The Chocolate Factory

I had just watched Charlie and The Chocolate Factory today. I'll never look at chocolate the same way ever again. I still feel that Jim Carrey would probably have done a better job at being a zany Willy Wonka. I think he did a great job at portraying Wonka as a rather disturbed character. He did lend a rather sinister overtone to the character, however. Why oh why was Saruman bringing Willy Wonka up? No wonder he grew up all weird. I do not think that this was Johnny Depp's best performance though I can't really think of him as a Michael Jackson analogue of sorts. All that richness and desire to be a father figure. Not to mention that wonderful complexion. Anyway, I'd really appreciated the Edward Scissorhands moment with those large scissors. I'm still wondering why Deep Roy seemed to have far more air time than Johnny Depp! Unfair!
Anyway, the show left me with a craving for Oompa Loompas and whipped cream. I'd been enjoying Willy Wonka candies before the reading book and watching the film. I'm happy to say that the film was Actually Good(tm). While it was actually a dark rendition of Roald Dahl's story, it wasn't overtly violent or grotesque. Violet's transformation was nowhere near as gross as those in Gremlins and the like. I feel that it was rather faithful to the original story and having the Oompa Loompas dancing to their satirical songs was a rather nice touch. So I'm gona give this movie the thumbs up. Two thumbs. One's for Depp.

Off the Radar

It's sad how websites actually go out of business from lack of funding. I had heard that one webmaster was going broke only after the site dropped clean off the radar. It was disconcerting, given the fact that I was accessing the blogs hosted on the site and realized that it was gone only when the plug was pulled. After assuming that the site had probably moved, I'd yahoo'ed it and came up with this rather sad site. I'd know, since I always seem to encounter Webmaster declaring that they need funding and everything, but never really saw any drop off just like that.

So, I guess the selfish me would have assumed that they were just interested in getting more money above and beyond what they'd get from advertising. This may be the case for some, but others may be in real trouble. Well, there goes Amberspace. Just another dose of reality, Fenrir.

Decisiveness

If ever there was a regret in my life, I would say that it was a lack of decisiveness. I am too indecisive, so much so that I had actually let outside forces hold the reins when I should have pulled them myself. I have learned a new thing, but the problem would be that too many things had been done that are irreversible. Too many discourses are going on inside my head, full of "What-ifs" and their insidious ilk. Very bad for mental stability. I feel that there is no point trying to tell this to anyone else, since one who is content to "go with the flow" would likely be disinclined to heed the words. Besides, there is always a possibility that going with the flow would turn out swimmingly without personal intervention. I guess the lyric "You don't know what you've got till it's gone" would be rather apt in this context. At this moment, one cannot conceivably turn the clock back and so one can only go forward in time. It's much better to not have to look back with regret though it may be part and parcel of life. Wise words and reality are hard to reconcile. Yeah sure. Someone could go like accept the facts of life and bla bla. How many can accept that at an intellectual level at least? And would believing in something like that for the sake of happiness constitute being true to oneself?

A Fenrisian question: If you had been given a choice to be reborn without the pet peeve, would you take that chance? And if you did, did you just choose to sacrifice what you are now? Self and choice. If a problem were made to have never existed at all, one would never have thought of this in the first place. Ignorance would probably be bliss, but consciously choosing ignorance for the sake of bliss would be a form of self-betrayal. Or would being "happy" be the greatest thing one can bestow upon oneself, whether the happiness is born of ignorance or closure...

A Shallow View

I am amused by how marketing and politics are so similar. Politicans make their sales pitch and then claim credit for their kills. It's probably the underlings or engineers (in a Dilbertean context) who'd be slogging to make stuff for the figureheads to dump on others. And when things get rough, people always wind up going after the politicians. So it all flows down, pushed to the engineers/researchers and whatnot. It is only the high level screw-ups that shake things up enough to cause the brass to take a beating.

A stick, a stone, a broken bone and a fallen word by the wayside

A stray phrase. It may not have much meaning to most people, but it may change the life of someone forever. Make your impression on the world today! Write something.

The human psyche works in strange ways. Just like how a song can stay in the head for no apparent reason, a single line of text (spoken or otherwise) may become someone's life motto. With great power...whatever. So this is a bit like what one might learn in Chaos Theory and stuff. Perhaps Hitler became what he was only because of a single phrase. Then again, maybe not. Just speculation, of course. The best part about speculating like this is that it's nearly impossible to prove that theory wrong. Hence, there would actually be some chance that I am right. Wow. Anyway, I was just wondering about how my insignificant writings would turn out before they faded into obscurity forever. Would someone pick them up and never credit them? Would they be quoted into eternity? Immortality through words so that the author may retire.

Goodbyes

Oops. There goes another. One of my friends has had a positive response for admission to an overseas uni. I guess I'm happy for him. Anyway, I'm running out of friends here, at the rate they're shipping out! Leave me behind, why don't you all. *sob*

So anyway, dark stuff time. I'm just keeping a record of my thoughts. Memory is just a record. Bla bla. At the moment, I'm probably having a serious suicidal thought a few days a week. Well, I can't say that they're actually serious since I find suicide a great dishonour. It's more like a thought of just ending it all. I get that a lot, actually. From myself, that is.

I was just thinking about business and how some people say that it's like an informed kind of gambling. I'd think so, really. Economic models are good estimates at best. Periodic fluctuations can and often destroy apparently sound investments. The principle of an economy running on hot air is simple: No matter where you are, everyone is always connected. That, and the Butterfly Effect.

Thinking

Why do people think? What do they think about when they say that they are thinking? Why is it that they can never seem to actually answer the question when it's asked?

Anyway, so I now understand how Kendo is so different from combat swordsmanship. There are many limitations to the authorized strikes, and I find myself using strokes I had never really used prior to the lessons. So, I think that this would be a good opportunity for me to hone my skills further and fix a certain weakness in my regular technique. Self-improvement. Like it.

Reaching Out From Beyond The Grave

Why, oh why doth thou torment us so, Shakespeare! Reaching from beyond the grave to make us understand your words! Well, I don't actually hate Shakespeare, but I'm really wondering why Shakespeare has to appear all over the place when it comes to literary studies. Don't answer that. Anyway, I'd decided to rewrite The Tempest in prose, just to prove to myself that I actually understand the story, and to incorporate my interpretations into the narrative. Something like killing two birds with one stone. It also makes it easier for me to go through the text quickly without missing stuff out.

I was meditating on my poor performance on day 1. I now understand that perhaps I was actually pulling my strokes. That means that I was not really allowing my hits to land. That's a bit of self-discipline I'd believed in, which is in not landing hits to deadly effect unless you mean it. Quite forgotten about the fact that the armor actually prevents the wearer from feeling any real pain. I'll keep that in mind during the next session.

Head boppin'

First day. Introduction to Kendo. I think I suck at it (like all the newbies do). Then again, I was pulling all my strikes since I didn't want to really jar the head of the guys in armor. That's mainly because I don't know my own strength. *laughs* Anyway, it does look interesting and I like it. Hence, I shall be going for the sessions. I think it'd be great fun! I'd always wanted to take up Kendo sometime and now's my chance.

Peacedale

I'm so seriously surprised. I was thinking of a name of a cemetery to use in my story, and Peacedale came to mind. Since it had sounded like a rather sensible name, I'd decided to run a search on it to see what came up. I was half hoping to not get a hit since people reading the story would probably compare it to the real life Peacedale cemetery if it had existed. To my chagrin, it did (though not entirely unexpected). It would appear that the banks of a stream near to Peacedale Cemetery in Bristol, Connecticut was known to be haunted by a white wolf. Now, it is uncertain whether there's an error in the article, but it's rather unlikely that even people with emotional problems would want to seek out a ghostly white wolf. Perhaps the "sought" in the article was meant to be "sighted", which would undermine the credibility of the reports. Nobody really believes what emotionally disturbed people see (not even themselves, sometimes). Anyway, so the character in my story actually had deep emotional problems and Fenrir's a wolf. Wow. *laughs*

Self and... self.

I was thinking about the situation I'm in and how hard it always seems to be to find happiness. And then I saw the unfortunates around my neighbourhood. Some were terribly poor, and others were disabled or deformed. Self pity does little good for anyone and it is extremely selfish at best. I guess one has to count one's blessings at least, since nobody is actually born perfect. One might seek a perfect life, but one must understand that there are always tradeoffs for certain perks. It is just a matter of how much one is actually prepared to sacrifice. So people feel that not having a personal life is a fair tradeoff for extra money. Fine, then. Anyway, this is just for telling myself to not wallow in self-pity, no matter how terrible life may seem.

The rain in Spain...

It's been raining for most of the day. I was at a lecture when I heard a strange sound that kept getting louder. I had assumed at first that it was the air conditioning. A quick glance to the window at the back of the lecture hall told the tale, though: It was raining. And quite heavily, too. (Note to Fenrir: Yeah. The maths lecture was terrible, but that was to be expected. I think the bio moudle would go swimmingly.) Anyway, I feel that rain doesn't actually lower my morale the way it does with others'. I guess it's because bright sunlight hurts my eyes somewhat, and I feel less stressed when the clouds are providing me cover.

I'm not really over my little low at the moment. Was on the bus when I'd overheard a guy talking to his friends about financial aid from the institution. I believe that it had something to do with his family. I'd felt a little sorry for him since I'm in a similar albeit watered down version of his situation. So anyway, that made me think of someone who was on scholarship and was forced by the company to study a rather undesirable subject combination. I guess that's the way it is with studies and obligations. And then I'm also confused about my choices. It's something like choosing between studying what I like and am good at (but is also not really in demand) and what I'm ok at and don't really like (but is marketable). It's really a matter of what I'd wind up doing with my certificates. I don't think I'd actually enjoy mainstream employment, and thus my concept of success in life doesn't directly coincide with others'. It's hard to ask the opinions of others, then. I guess I'll just go with my gut for now.

Another time, another place.

Ok here I am again, just sitting in front of my desktop and hammering at the keys. The addition to the Family is interesting, though. My Mac's sitting on my lap like a rather warm cat. (Feels just about as heavy, too. It's even got the slight vibrations to signal that it's alive.) I think it's nice to have two systems running at once, lulling me to sleep with their humming, whining and all the various computer-related noises they make. That, along with my mp3s playing in the background. Still feeling rather down today, though I can't really explain it. Actually, I think that I am just being depressed again and all, since I'm having these chocolate cravings. I always seem to have chocolate cravings when I'm going to feel down. Cause and effect? Chicken and egg?

So anyway, that aside, I'd just had my first batch of lectures on my literature-related modules. It's sweet to be finally studying stuff that I actually understand. In fact, one study module had seemed to be so similar to what I do on a daily basis that I've a feeling that I wouldn't really need to study for it. That remains to be seen, however. *crosses fingers*

Now, to the audience (including you, Fenrir!). Why the hell am I writing this, and why the hell are there people reading it? Just wondering, actually. I guess it's ok to whine once in a way. My blog's a whine repository anyway. Venting is good. Helps prevent pent up frustrations from becoming destructive when explosively released.

That Thing You Do

Yeah, and so like I'm doing the PMS'y thing again. I was shopping with mom when she suddenly stopped to avoid one of those hand-operated crate lifters. Being directly behind her, I bumped into her and promptly lost my cool, blurting, "Hey! Move it." I'm always irritated by the way she always stops for stuff that can be simply dodged or walked over. So, like, she went all quiet and started evading me. I got rather riled up and so I just headed home without saying a word.

Ok, so I knew that I was being rude and all, but I really didn't (and still don't) knoe why I was being so touchy. I guess it could be due to the fact that she had roused me a little early and that I was half asleep. Never be anywhere near me when I'm half asleep. It's a health hazard. Mental, physical, whatever.

So by the morning light...

Was just listening to Anywhere by Evanescence. Now, I know that many of my friends do not like Evanescence very much, but I dare say that I like the lyrics a whole lot. I guess it's just because of the group's apparent gothic image despite their claims to the contrary.

I believe in dreams and in chasing them. That is why I am so affected by them. I believe in chasing one's dreams despite how hopeless a situation may seem. If one is unhappy with one's condition and place in life, chasing dreams may be everything that's required to break free from the mire of hopelessness and move towards a happier existence. Chasing what some may regard as false hopes may be potentially self-destructive, but it may also lead to transcendence. I think that only those who refuse to step away from their comfort zone of "reality" would be unable to go beyond the bounds. I am a dreamer, and always will be, I guess.

The Mac Saga

Yes...I am still working at my new Navi. I dare say, though, that everything is going swimmingly. I had just obtained a sweet little pink mouse should I have a proper place to deploy the laptop. Not just any pink. "Sakura pink". It's compact and *with a touch of irony* made by Microsoft. The instructions on the mouse manual and warranty card were all in japanese, so it was a fairly lucky thing that I can read some of it. So, anyway, I'd just managed to get the mac to access some of my email and regretted it immediately: The entire load of desirable and undesirable emails just flooded my inbox. Everything was a mess for a moment there until I'd sifted through the rubble. Now my mp3 collection is safely on my iBook and I guess everything's gona be just fine. Actually, I am rather surprised at the ease with which I had managed to set stuff up on the Mac, given the fact that I had totally no experience fiddling with such stuff. Idiot proofed indeed. Well, that or because Microsoft had copied much from the OS.

The Pains of Birth

My iBook has finally arrived and I'd taken pretty much the entire afternoon just trying to figure out how to connect it to my PC through a LAN. Given the fact that most of my friends are either PC or Mac users and that they have routers, I am in a good position to say that I actually had a tough time doing just this simple task. I try not to impose on others, but this is unavoidable because of my lack of skill in this area. Anyway, I owe this feat to a couple of my friends. One's used to doing networking stuff and it's because of him that I'd managed to actually run the initial config. The other guy was more of a Mac user, so he understood my problem a little better. Between the two of them, I'd actually managed to get the job done. Banzai tomodachi! Anyway, I am now doing what would probably sprain the brains of some people: Running two different OS' at once and constantly switching between the two. I really like the specs of my iBook, though. 1.42ghz, 1gig ram and 60gb hdd. Fairly hefty for a laptop, and at a reasonable price, too! Guess the weight and compatibility issues are the only gripes I'd have about it. Currently trying to run the battery down for calibration and I'm finding that it's taking a rather long time. Fascinating.

All's well with the earth

Alright, I've succcessfully obtained the study modules I like and I am really quite pleased about it all. Everything feels right when you're studying the right stuff, apparently. I would dare say that it is a huge morale boost. I've been a bit stressed since school had started and I guess I'm now getting back into the swing of things. So here goes!

I've also been fascinated by this particular track by Loreena McKennitt, entitled The Highwayman. I think I rather do like tragic stories for some reason. Perhaps it is because I am feeling that pang of self-pity which I had been trying to keep down all the while. I know at an intellectual level that I am not supposed to just feel sad about myself and all, but there really isn't much that I can do at this juncture to fix things. I still have a long way to go so I guess I'll just have to hang tough. Got to finish school, work, save up, ship out of the coop and get a house bla bla. I hope that I am not delaying things too much, winding up too old to enjoy myself by the time I manage to set everything up. It sucks, being set back by a couple years.

Post of the Month

I'm in love with this mouse. *hinthint* Just how often can we have everything on a single Apple mouse? They had finally given in and addded a second button to those things. Go Apple!

All I can say is that I am rather messed up. Been trying to write but I've been feeling that my story isn't turning out as well as it should because of the plot holes and stuff. That is, not to mention the lack of focus I'd been experiencing lately. I do hope that it will pass.

The Geek

I'm is officially a geek. Here's a transcript of what had transpired:

[friend1]u going swimming?

[me]oh wait...is it available online?

[friend2]HOW GEEKY IS THAT!

[friend2]LOL!

Now, I've a certain penchant for searching for all sorts of data online. Like I really don't know what I'd do were it not for my Navi. *hug* Anyway, I was doing my usual thing and had figured that information pertaining to the opening and closing times of the swimming complex would be conveniently posted on a related website. My response, understandably, was rather hilarious when read by a third party (namely, my friend). No, I do *not* swim online and yes, do please make an effort to take me out of context.

Well, for the rest of the day, I'd gone and reencountered The Gender Genie which is a scripted site with an algorithm for approximating an author's gender. I am rather skeptical when it comes to the algorithm's accuracy because people from different regions have different writing styles and "like" need not be a word per se for it is often used as a figure of speech. Take everything with an ocean's mass in salt, says I.