Memento Mori

I had a rather interesting discussion with a friend yesterday regarding the important distinction between having no fear of death, and enjoying the active pursuit of death. A challenge I often encounter when claiming that I do not fear death, is that I should perhaps go kill myself right away, since I do not fear death and thus should be courageous enough to do so. Frankly, if I responded to that claim every time I encountered it, I would be dead many times over.

Since I am typing this, I am of this moment quite un-dead. I probably would remain so for some time, bar unforeseen circumstances, given the particular quirk of my bloodline. Regardless, I think it is important to distinguish between pursuing death and having no fear of it. For example, I may not fear the average passer-by, but it would be silly of me to "prove" that lack of fear by punching random people in the face. There really is nothing to prove here. In the case of pursuing death, I believe hypocrisy is readily proven by the simple fact that self-claimed pursuers of death are generally still alive when they speak of it, thus invalidating their claim. 'nuff said. On the flip side, however, I also believe that living life in the active evasion of death is equally foolhardy: one stops living for oneself and does so more for the sake of survival itself. Neither seems to me like a good way to live.

I believe memento mori is a pertinent philosophical guide here. One should learn to accept one's mortality. Life will end...sooner or later. Knowing so and accepting it frees oneself from the extremes of pursuing and avoiding death. Che sera sera and all that. That is when one can finally begin to truly appreciate life for what it is. To this I have received challenges before, that I should prove my lack of fear by proceeding to off myself. And to those challenges I say bollocks. If one needs to prove such a thing in the here and now, one is simply willing to go ahead while one still has the guts for it. I'd say the proof is in the pudding: I can find that out for myself in that undefined future when time finally catches up with me.

Terrible Service

Today, I experienced the worst of all bad service so far. I was eating at a cafe with company, and the place was fairly crowded. After a reasonable wait, part of our order was delivered. Given the crowd, it was to be expected that the other part would take awhile. Of course, this is where the problems began.

We ordered a pair of pizzas, and only one arrived. The waiter said that the second one would come soon. It occurs to us that no plates, paper napkins or utensils were brought out. We ask for water. Fifteen minutes pass. We ask the waiter, and are assured that the pizza would come. Still no cutlery, and no water either. I had to chase them for the napkins and cutlery. Half an hour passes. Still no pizza. The water had to be collected personally even though it should've been served. The kitchen has been instructed to prepare one as a priority order. Three quarters of an hour. The waiter indicates that the order has been passed down, but the kitchen isn't bringing it out. Food continues to flow out to other tables. An hour passes. Waiter asks whether we wish to cancel the pizza order. What. The. Hell.

I think I do not need to describe exactly what went wrong here. The situation is quite self explanatory. Perhaps I should have declined when they turned out to be really sloppy with the reservation procedure. First I tried calling them. They said the reservations were only taken online. Fair enough. I made a reservation online a few days in advance, and was told that the place was full out. Wow that's pretty hot. I got a call yesterday saying that one reservation was withdrawn, so I was happy to be slotted in. I requested that they send a confirmation email just in case. They did not. I sent an email reminder, figuring that they were bus and forgot. Still no response. On hindsight, I figure that if they could not be bothered to respond promptly to their sole means of securing reservations, I shouldn't have expected them to provide good service. There goes a potentially good evening.

Back To Training

It's time to get back to physical training. After doing 3 months of rather sedentary work, I can really feel things going south with my overall fitness level. Hell, even if it my fitness wasn't going south too quickly, I'd think it's generally a bad thing to let it go south in the first place. Besides, I'm probably getting fat as well, now that I prod at my tummy.

For the record, it's lightweight stuff, with my trusty old dumbbells and grip bars. High reps, low load. That kind of thing. Even a bit of training is better than nothing, methinks.

The next step would be to get back to working the abs and my lower back. Keeping those in tone would probably do wonders for my posture, which at this point is admittedly not good at all. Something needs to be done about that for sure. Now that I just did my first session in quite a while, I do find myself feeling pretty darned good. Things can only get better from here.

Heritage Sites

I've been mulling over the whole world heritage site concept, and really...while admirable as an anchor to counterbalance the inexorable march of progress, I wonder just how sustainable such a concept can be. For example, site A is preserved because it is worthy of conservation. Eventually B, C, D and so on get selected. It stands to reason that increasing tracts of land will be frozen from redevelopment in order to preserve the integrity of the sites.

The question, then, is whether there will come a point where heritage sites take up such a significant proportion of valuable landmass that their heritage status will have to be revoked. It seems to be the case, seeing as how heritage sites that were manmade tend to be on plots of land that are in some way useful to humans. It therefore stands to reason that some people will invariably desire it for their use at some point.

Of course, the flip side is the sustainability of cultural and natural heritage. If things of natural beauty and human cultural heritage were to be swept away in the tide of progress, how then will there be anything left for the descendants? This is one balance I am glad I do not have to administer, because I do not have the answer to it at this point.

Office Politics

Office politics are always interesting. I learned today that someone was being quite the asshole, playing the CC game at work. That works by bringing an argument before bosses by CC'ing them in an email. Of course, seeing as how I have not actually witnessed the person doing such a thing, there remains a non zero possibility that I received this story as part of a political maneuver.

What is interesting is that even though I believe that I was not lied to, every maneuver within a social setting is effectively a political move. The only really important distinction is between whether the move is benevolent or malicious. The simple act of warning someone against a genuinely malicious person is a political act in itself because it will adversely affect the person's opinion of that malicious someone. However, due to its good intentions, I expect it is something that is desirable in a professional work environment. In fact, it may be something to be encouraged, seeing as how it is a good way to bring such acts to everyones' attention and thus to reduce the incidence of vicious games at the office.

Darren Shan

Darren Shan...that oh so weird series. I guess it really is a matter of time before people get sick of the traditional styled vampire tales and go with a reinvention of what it is to be a vampire. I picked up the book at the library because I noticed that it bore the Cirque Du Freak series label, and figured I might as well find out what it was about.

One thing I'd say to the author's credit is that the Darren Shan series just isn't your average teen romance masquerading as a vampire story junk. It's quite a bit darker, and has some interesting themes of acceptance and difference. That said, I cannot say I liked it overly much. I mean really...it's really kinda weird having vampires cutting their victims with their nails to draw blood, then using spit to heal the wound back up. Really? Seriously?

That said, I really couldn't be bothered to continue the series. Especially not since I'm reading another dhampir series at this point. Time's limited, and I guess not every youth-targeted vamp novel series is going to appeal to me. The last time I read a good one was probably by Lisa J Smith.

Karate Kid

I got to watch the Karate Kid today. I believe this film is a whole lot less cheesy than the initial offering. Surprisingly enough, I think the remake is actually better than the original. Then again, perhaps I am just biased against orientalist exoticization and all that.

Anyway first things first: It's NOT a karate show. Dammit...just why would they ride on the Karate Kid brand and make it a kung fu flick. Granted, there was a goodly bit more emotional involvement in this show, moving beyond platitudes on the code of conduct in martial arts towards some sort of backstory for the characters. I especially liked that the kung fu master was not just some guy living on a high mountain and not having very much to him besides that.

That aside, the show's really your average good vs evil tale, whereby an underdog protagonist has to deal with a bunch of really powerful and vicious "evil" dudes. Interestingly, the "evil" guys turned out to be more misled than actually intrinsically ill intentioned.

I'd say the show deserves a clean 8.5/10, even though I personally believe that kung fu shows should have fewer of the flashy techniques. That's just my personal bent, and I guess the kinds of things I'd like to see are not quite suited for public viewing.

Points Of Death

I know, I know. I deal with this topic a lot. But of course, mortality is such a fascinating topic to ponder. Right now my focus is towards what one could think of as conceptual death. By conceptual death, I mean how can we map out with some certainty the boundaries that split the living from the dead in the conceptual sense.

For example, someone may be "dead" to others by becoming so overwhelmingly evil that others are horrified into denying that person's status as a living human. That person's personality has been destroyed, and the person becomes conceptually dead. Alternatively, someone may be brain dead and have effectively no personality while lying on the bed, yet this person may well be conceptually alive, as evidenced by the general unwillingness to end this person's life.

As with most conceptual things, we probably already know that different people put different weightages to different acts and statuses. Like a highly religious person may deem another to be conceptually dead for apostasy. However, the fact remains that there is most certainly a tipping point beyond which one is deemed to be too far gone. Also, it may be possible to map out the point values for each individual person, and thus derive just how many "life points" each person really has in the eyes of others. I have not actually created a life points table at this juncture, though.

Promoted To Incompetence

One thing that never ceases to amaze and amuse me is just how it is possible for someone to be promoted into incompetence. When someone is good at their work, they may be assumed to be good enough to try out a superior position. As a result, they are promoted. Of course, we know the cycle eventually winds up promoting someone into a position they are really not very good at. We also know that the sound decision in this situation, to step down, is very difficult to make considering how much prestige is lost from the move.

Allowing people to try out the new position, and pull back if found unsuitable, seems to be a fair solution to such situations. However, the other very real issue is how a superior position's pay is almost invariably higher than that of a lower position. This presents a rather strong disincentive for would-be demoters: even if no prestige is lost, salary would go down as well.

Pay just does not seem to scale well in relation to performance/productivity. A highly productive tier 1 employee may do more for the company than a mediocre tier 2, yet the tier 2 will most likely earn more. It makes little economic sense. In fact, some companies deliberately refrain from promoting a highly skilled employee out of the fear that doing so would result in the loss of a good performer. Were the pay structure to be revised to allow a flatter salary distribution amongst the tiers, it may well be that a superior personnel spread could be achieved.

Ip Man

It is quite interesting that while I watched Ip Man 2 just recently, the bus driver played Ip Man 1 on the trip enroute home from up north. I am very much inclined to agree that Ip Man 1 was superior to its sequel if only just because of its plausibility. Ip Man's tribulations under the Japanese during WWII seemed that much more credible and emotionally engaging than some pride-inspired tiff with the British. It is one thing to be forced to fight for one's family's survival. It is quite another to be obliged to do so simply to preserve honor.

I also appreciated that Ip Man 1 had quite a bit more brutality than in 2. If I am going to watch a martial arts oriented show, I would certainly expect it to have extensive culture. And I dare say it's lived up to my expectations.

I'd think Ip Man deserves 8/10. Blood scores points.

Up North

I had a really nice trip up north last weekend. There certainly is a sort of charm to visiting the old buildings and doing a spot of antique hunting with my partner. If nothing, it was certainly good exercise. I suppose the single biggest blooper in the weekend reel would most certainly be the horrendous 4 hour traffic jam that held us up at the front end.

One thing that I did notice from the trip was how different attitudes can be towards trying things out. My usual approach tends to involve going ahead into area when there is no obvious opposition (signs, barriers, etc) to my doing so. Conversely, there's the conservative approach of proceeding only when permitted. I think that issue has been covered enough, so there is little need to elaborate.

Regardless, it's always nice to bring back goodies for the family. I originally intended to have some for the colleagues, but it turns out that my parents really loved them. No gifts for the office, then. Of course, since I made no overt guarantees to actually get something for the guys, I was in no way obligated to do so. My word is my bond, which is why I would refrain from giving my word too readily.

Talking Across

Today, I got into an argument with one of my friends over an issue. The content is not of much concern to me, since such arguments can arise over just about any issue. The main issue is that it is sometimes possible to engage in talking across (or what I somewhat inaccurately term "parallel arguments") to the extent that it becomes impossible to reach a favorable conclusion even when both parties in the argument are already agreeing with the main points of an argument.

The conclusion of such a situation is often a stalemate, with both parties agreeing in principle on the main thrust of the argument but with either or both sides vehemently refusing to accept this agreement by virtue that either or both sides harbor views that run contrary to either party's idea of complete acceptance. In short, it is an unwillingness to compromise even peripheral points.

This seemingly irrational approach is so precisely because irrationality is thrown into the mix. Specifically, someone got pissed. It surprises me how easily one can inadvertently push the buttons of another in the course of sensible discussions, causing them to degrade into such parallel arguments, where passions prevent agreement where it would have been obvious in less emotionally tainted scenarios.

The challenge, it seems, is to know which buttons each individual has, and to avoid pressing them in the first place. Easier said than done, since besides the obvious ones like being overly aggressive or outright rude, people do tend to have their personal niggles. A more tenable solution, perhaps, would be to find ways to un-press those buttons. The most effective general purpose solution seems to be disengaging for sufficient time such that the other party manages to cool down, without becoming angrier about being ignored. However, it does seem certain that there are more...elegant methods in existence.

Ip Man 2

I watched Ip Man 2 today, and really...it was a film that was a wee bit too dramatic for my taste. Undoubtedly, I was expecting a flick with reasonably realistic martial arts combat (less of the extreme Chinese superhero acrobatics) and it delivered. I later learned that Ip Man was really Bruce Lee's tutor, and that was quite surprising. As for what seemed to be a biography of a master martial artist...it just seemed quite over the top.

While I can understand how the Brits look down on the Chinese, I did wonder whether the duels between a champion boxer and Chinese martial arts masters did actually happen. What certainly did not impress was the fact that the masters were going up against a boxer who clearly massively outclassed them in weight and strength, but seemed quite unwilling to use force multiplier techniques on him. If one would fight to the death against such a foe, and was highly skilled in the arts martial, one would think that one would be willing to use more desperate techniques...

Regardless, it was not an unenjoyable show. I liked it to some extent for its...culture. Yet the only thing that really impressed was the gentleness of Master Ip. That is probably something that I cannot truly comprehend, but something that I can appreciate regardless. I'd say maybe...7/10.

Death, Revisited

I write many entries on death. It is an endlessly fascinating topic, given how much weight people grant this one great unknown. Yet, the conceptualization of death's boundaries seem quite indistinct. What, exactly, constitutes the death of a person?

The common answer is unsatisfactory. There are many specific signs of clinical death, but such definitions are guidelines at best. I believe the specifics of this were covered in an earlier entry. My aunt's tasted death before, and so have I, so that much doesn't necessarily hold true.

What does fascinate me is the idea of cellular death. Now, all cells die eventually, so everyone is likely to have experienced complete cellular death at least a few times in each normal lifetime. What is there to fear from experiencing that one more time right at the end? After all, when the human is defined as clinically dead, a goodly number of the cells still live on (as cells do live) for significantly longer before they finally expire as well.

Death seems to be a fuzzy concept that is really about the gestalt of an entity. Specifics like cellular death do not matter, because the gestalt entity remains consistent even though the precise cellular composition has been nearly completely overhauled after 50 years. The gestalt of the entity goes beyond the cellular, towards the conceptual understanding (for example personal memories) of the same. As long as the gestalt endures, death as a concept does not apply. However, should any key portion of the gestalt perish, then conceptual death occurs.

Kick Ass

I'm gona say this upfront, and what I'm gona say is that Kick Ass was truly kickass. No two ways about it. If you haven't watched it already, I'd say you're missing a lot. A flick like this managed to press every single one of my Woohoo buttons. Deadly pubescent assassin girl. Check. Blood and gore. Check. Dark humor. Check. Humor...oh wait, I already said that. Regardless, some scenes had blood real looking enough that I could almost taste it. Beats a lot of spurting stuff that just looks comical. And the audio. MMmm mmm mmm. Crunch.

What's great...well, our intrepid superhero wanabe is exactly that. A wanabe. And really not terribly good at the superhero business. What I truly appreciate is that all the heroes just aren't uberpowered gods. They get hurt. Badly. Some die. Average criminal goons die (for a change). I've been waiting for flicks like these for a long time. Yet, amidst the death and gore, they managed to sneak in some Tarantino'esque humor in violence. Unfortunately, they do fall short in that regard, since the zany music in some battle scenes just seem forced rather than a true comical part of the whole spiel.

I'd say this one deserves a 9/10 from me, though somewhat to heavily influenced by a personal bent. It's really a love it or hate it kinda show. If taken seriously, it's pretty abominable. But overwise, I'd say it's near perfect. They'd get more points for getting the Tarantino humor done right.

Accessorizing

I am not a big fan of clothes, shoes and handbags. When it comes to those, I usually go with the utilitarian option as far as possible. As for tonsure, I am inclined to go with the simplest, most manageable cut. But things are somewhat different for me when it comes to accessorizing. I like accessories, and I believe the flavor of the month is...chokers. Or slave rings. I can't really decide at this point. Probably both?

Accessories are really quite remarkable. Small things that can say so much in and of themselves. I get warm pretty easily so there goes the option of layering, which does pretty much cut out a goodly number of options for making the statement of the day. On the other paw, I also do get cold so having thin materials in the office would be a bad idea. Yet a well-placed accessory can make all the difference between drab, and somewhat-drab. I like to have a dash of creepy in my stuff, or failing which at least some wolf or dark imagery. It's just a personal preference.

Necklaces, bracelets, chokers, rings, you name it. It's all pure magic. Now, while I am busy gushing over accessories, it reminds me that I have a chaos emblem enroute. What better symbol to wear than a nice spiky emblem that also happens to be the chosen symbol of the Chaos Space Marines. We have a lot in common, methinks. Along with self-destructive tendencies like wearing something that just might cause fatal injuries if one falls in the wrong direction...

A Wedding

I was at my cousin's wedding today and I did my part as the MC. Unfortunately, I slipped up somewhat on the initial presentation, and that is not something I am pleased with at all. Regardless, the rest of the ceremony seemed to proceed smoothly, so hopefully that was the only major issue with my rather sad performance.

Regardless, I had a good chat with the photographer, and it was nice having a bunch of friendly relatives (and soon-to-be relatives) attending. Overall, we did have a pretty good time from the fetching of the bride in the morning to the evening's dinner. Regrettably, I had scant opportunity to get photos taken, at least in part because of the presence of a dedicated photographer and my reluctance to be the designated GWC. The other reason of course was related to my role of the day, and the fact that I was not particularly prone to excessive wakefulness during daylight hours.

I did manage to sneak home for a nap in the afternoon, and I guess it did help somewhat. At the very least I managed to keep myself away from the pit of sleep-deprived grumpiness. It's really little to do with the quantity of sleep I get at night; I think that much is quite sufficient. It's a lot to do with the poor overall quality of sleep. Ah, well.

Time Management

Now that I have started full time work, I find that time management is ever more critical in my life. While it is very nice to be home after sundown, there are only so many hours of the night I can burn before having to head to bed in preparation for the next day. As mentioned before, I do get pretty grumpy from sleep deprivation.

Time management is best accomplished by mapping out the hours spent, and how each hour should be allocated. This can be done by first accounting for how each hour is already spent, and where there are too many hours spent on certain things where others are neglected. I already find that my gaming time is being encroached upon, and something needs to be done about that. Unfortunately, I also find myself without the luxury of spending the past-12mn hours doing what I usually do. It is a delicate balance.

While some may regard the weekends as precious, I would disagree. In fact, the only real use for the weekends would be to settle personal admin, such as warranty claims or postage, yet one would do well to recall that such services are typically closed on weekends to begin with. The other stuff like watching movies would be poorly served by the weekend, considering how obscenely crowded the cinemas can get. In fact, it would be far better to watch movies after work, then get home. Perhaps it does help that I generally feel better in the hours after work, than the hours spent at work itself (however enjoyable work itself may be). The night is young, and it is always good.

Wrongness Of Killing

Sometimes I do think that the perception of wrongness of killing is more socially constructed than it is an actual "instinct" of humans. For practical reasons, it is obviously beneficial that humans can be kept in check so that they are not perpetually at one anothers' throats. Otherwise, society would not be able to function, with its associated deleterious effects.

This sense of wrongness can be seen in how differently people treat the idea of killing for food. A city dweller well insulated from the blood and gore of meat can easily forget just what goes into the daily steak. They are horrified when shown the truth of their sustenance. Yet, humans less insulated from the roots of food have little room for such distaste: it is a matter of eating or perishing. Many do have reverence for the food, because of the difficulty of obtaining it, and showing disrespect might draw the ire of the powers that be which supply them with it.

Where the instinctual might come in is when the sense of empathy is reached with the subject, be it another animal (a pet, perhaps) or another human. This emotional attachment lends killing a strong sense of wrongness not because killing is intrinsically so, but because doing so would induce a great sense of loss. Similar urges exist when one knows that a killing would result in hurting other humans whom one feels empathy with.

These of course go out the window in any life or death situation. Where one is reduced to the lowest common denominator, survival, it is not uncommon to encounter humans at their worst. While some do become heroic in such situations, many others seem to become monstrous instead. There seems to be little to suggest that, in the absence of higher thought processes, humans are primarily inclined to be reluctant to kill. In fact, the opposite seems to be the case. Yet, the average person will very likely not wish to express those views, for various reasons.

Appropriate Responses

One of the many things that constantly bugs me about dealing with humans is the matter of responding appropriately to others' conduct. Specifically asshole conduct. Take for example a hypothetical situation whereby one walks past another, and one shoves the other out of the way.

Of course, the first urge that would come is my bloodlust. It would feel incredibly good to respond in kind. Yet, that is clearly not a very constructive response and I do largely have my bloodlust under control. The other option would be to voice out displeasure over the incident. This, too, may draw unnecessary aggression. It is also a more constructive option than the first considering that the shove may well have been accidental.

Then there's the option of walking away. This is the least palatable response, but is also the most logical. After all, one little shove is hardly capable of causing real damage. Other more confrontational responses may well result in injuries on either side. Unfortunately, it also entails a certain loss of prestige (a show of weakness, to some) and more importantly it is a sort of quiet acquiescence to such unpleasant conduct thus by implication rendering the conduct somewhat acceptable.

The considerations hold true to just about every kind of perceived provocation, and it is frankly very difficult to know which response is most appropriate. All have consequences, and really...my personal bent would be to just walk away. I really don't like to have to bother with humans, and unlike most animals, humans seem incapable of leaving others alone at times. Pride largely does not factor into the equation, especially since the perceptions of others weigh very little on me. Then again, there's always that constant nag to sate my bloodlust once in a while, and it isn't always easy to resist.