San Francisco

I had a fine fortnight's stay in SF to visit my cousin. I acquired an EM5 camera to do the job. I figured what the heck, if I were to go on a trip like this, the least I could do for myself was to get a hardware upgrade. I did not regret the expenditure. Overall we had fun together, seen the city and done some neat stuff. Heck I even had the opportunity to see the Folsom Street Fair and missed the shuttle flyby (AAARRRGGGHHHHHH~~~!!!!!) I even had a sweet lot of photos alongside a huge pile of jerky and chocolate. It returning from such trips that feels rather bittersweet. On one hand I have the memories to keep me going. On the other, it just makes me long to see more of the world, and knowing just how cloistered I really am. I need to get out more. Funny quirk of being nocturnal: I don't experience jetlag the way most people do. I mean I do get desynched but ultimately I'm actually perpetually jetlagged, so I actually have moments of wakefulness at a more usual time after such a trip. America, I shall miss you. For now.

Self Help Scam

I was having fun reading Rich Dad Poor Dad over the last week. I regard it as light reading, seeing as how it's an entire book written about a few very basic (and by now commonsense) ideas that are backed up by experiences that go so incredibly well that it simply leaves one wondering at just how unembellished they are. Simply put, it is the kind of book that just makes one wish to go get a proper financial education, and that's probably its greatest value. Now, self-help books have been rather popular for quite some time now. In fact, they seem to have a goodly bit of entertainment value. However, I do question the value of self-help tomes. Like the intellectual junk food I was talking about earlier, self-help books seem to be rather good at giving people a nice warm and fuzzy feeling inside, but come out of it little better off (if at all) from the reading experience. Some have criticized self-help books for being scams. I don't know if all of them are, but I certainly do think they have done rather well to make the authors (and their publishing houses) significantly richer than they started off. After reading a book like this and the other intellectual junk food, I would think it is just simply wiser to find a good text on the subject one is truly interested in and just read that. At the very least it'll impart some technical knowledge in the matter.

Reading Trash

It is said that books are food for the intellect. And then there are books that I prefer to term intellectual junk food. I've read a few trivia books over the years. I think they might be familiar to many people: the bestsellers that tell readers about all sorts of amazing stories that boggle the average person's mind. In fact, the books are great big collections of Did-You-Know's. My first encounter with such a book had me hooked, at least initially. Wow. It has that stuff? I did not know that. This book is teaching me stuff! After reading it, I pored over the stuff I (thought I) learned. Much as I tried, I could only recall the specific cases. Oooh so this is what a Black Swan is. That is what Flipnosis is about. So that's what it's like to be Fooled By Randomness. However, what I failed to glean from the readings are the first principles of the phenomena. That is, how I might go about replicating them or perhaps avoiding them. In short, the books left me scarcely better off than when I started. Perhaps I traded the cost of the books for the ability to impress my friends with my knowledge of trivia. Ultimately, the books aren't bad per se in that they're outright lies, but that they do not truly better a person. What's worse is that they give readers the illusion that they've been bettered, when the reader is not taught the underlying principles of the phenomenon. I am now no better at spotting a potential Black Swan or actually changing someone's thought patterns through Flipnosis or anything else along those lines. There just is no substitute for a proper (self) education in the matters by reading proper books designed to teach precisely those things.

Cultural Differences

Sometimes I go on the train and differences in upbringing can become incredibly apparent. There are the people who jostle with abandon and not bother to apologize for the manhandling, and there are those who tell their children to apologize for merely bumping my backpack. One certainly sounds crass and callous while the other's pleasantly polite. The two examples of humanity came from different walks of life, with different cultures. One came from a background where parents teach their children to rush to board a train and secure their seats, whereas the other came from a more sanguine culture where it's proper to respect others. Likewise, I've observed individuals who recognize that it is impolite to stare and will soften a fascinated look with a smile, while there are others who would stare and look guiltily away when noticed only to surreptitiously administer the stare when the notice has passed. Those of the more genteel upbringing would undoubtedly find it unusual that any decent folk would behave in that manner. However, what fascinates me is how the other specimen has been cultivated in an environment where such conduct is (implicitly perhaps) perfectly acceptable. Cultural standards sure do differ greatly.

Language And Thought Processes

Some may believe that racial traits carry influence a person's thought processes and attitudes, thus shaping one's character. I know my parents believe that. However, I think such a view is not just racist, but grossly oversimplified. I propose an alternative view, that a fairly obvious contender for the racial differences (where present) lies in language itself. For example, a language that has honorifics in its basic grammar is likely to breed thought processes where respect and hierarchy are salient. This does not necessarily breed a respectful individual, but it certainly does make the individual think a lot more about respect (gaining, losing it, etc) than one that has a language that is less steeped in honorifics. I have seen examples of people of certain ethnicities behaving in completely different manners depending on their country of upbringing. Clearly, if there is a genetic basis in their behavior, there would be a common thread between them in that sense. However, there is not. Instead, I see them conforming more to the cultures they are steeped in and the language(s) that they speak.

Max Payne 3

I've been playing Max Payne 3 on hard for a couple hours now, and I say this: I am disappoint. I may not have finished the game so far, but I think I've seen enough to make that pronouncement. Ultimately, Max Payne 3 plays exactly like an interactive movie: You interact for 3 minutes, watch 10 minutes of movie. It seems unfortunate that the developers have somehow managed to create a rather cinematic gameplay experience yet seem reluctant to let the player get more playtime to truly appreciate it. Perhaps I've been spoiled from playing the likes of Half Life 2, where every single cutscene is interactive at least in some way. I don't think so, however. It just seems like a rather overblown attempt at forcing a cinematic experience through taking control away from the player, instead of getting the player engaged in the narrative. There are many ways to cue the player to approach certain areas so that they enter a dramatic part of a story of their own accord, and allowing gameplay to continue while characters jaw one another to death. The other major problem with the game is the narrative itself. Where Max Payne 1 had memorable characters and a rather fine parallel with Ragnarok mythology, Max Payne 3 has characters that are forgotten as quickly as they stop gabbing, and the Noir style monologues seem to go on for their own sake. The way the story flows somehow manages to talk about urgency without showing any. There never was a point where the game got my pulse racing. Overall I'd say that my single player experience so far is 4/10 at most. Graphically, the game's fairly pleasing, but gameplay and narrative wise, it is just quite the flop.

Wardrobe Analysis

It is always fun to dig through one's wardrobe and analyze its contents. Garment choices reflect upon a wearer's personality and even the moods of the season. I found some interesting patterns in mine. I've found, for example, that my color tastes have shifted in favor of blacks and reds, with a tendency towards checkered patterns. If anything, I don't actually have yellows in my wardrobe, and the few greens I've got are rarely if ever worn. I guess it does suggest a shift in the general tone of my being in the recent years, and in this instance I could probably fairly say that my tastes have changed for the darker and the colors reflect that. Other than that, it was certainly an interesting moment where I learned something about myself.

Bourne Legacy

Another Bourne movie. Except this time, without Jason Bourne proper. Which is odd. It's a lot like having a James Bond movie where Q talks about Bond and does all the action. Personally, I find that it's a stretch to call it a Bourne movie at all. I guess Matt Damon's absence is just one part of why I find this movie less than satisfying. There's the matter of the action, with long drawn out chase scenes and unsatisfying fight scenes where you expect a climax only to be faced with an anticlimax. I find that highly unfortunate. That is not to talk about the twist in the storyline which I find cumbersome at best, requiring excessive explication to put forward where a simpler narrative would've sufficed. Overall I can say that I did not enjoy this movie. There's the obligatory occasional explosion and high octane chase scenes that are mediocre at best with their excessive reliance on shaky chase cameras and overall lack of a satisfying conclusion. Coupled with the absence of Bourne himself, I would just have to rate this movie a failure. It gets a 3/10 from me.

The Dark Knight Rises

So I finally got down to watching Batman. This time, Batman faces Bane in a high stakes struggle over Gotham (what's new?). The movie is everything one might expect from a Nolan Batman installment, though I guess I still preferred the prequels. The story has hints of the No Man's Land and Knightfall story arcs, with all that entails. I really do appreciate that the director's striking a balance between the creation of an independent narrative and the established comic series. Kudos for that. I also liked the reimagination of Bane as a somewhat intellectual figure with a background in the League of Shadows. Sadly, despite the characters and the story itself, there were a number of inconsistencies in the movie that just took me out of my suspension of disbelief. I did not appreciate that the city did not quite give me the feel of one under siege, nor did Batman/Bruce's difficulties feel convincing enough for me to immerse myself. Overall I did like the movie, but I think this is just not quite up to the standard of the other Nolan Batmans. Perhaps Heath Ledger's death had something to do with this. Regardless, I'd give it a 7.5/10.

Fantasies

Sometimes I think about the popular fantasies of humans, and wonder if there's something to it. In our modern age, anyone who believes in "special powers" like telepathy and other preternatural abilities would be ridiculed on reflex. I am neither believer nor skeptic, but am rather curious about the whole thing. What if those fantasies were real? What if those fantastic abilities remained untapped? Sadly, I have yet to personally encounter compelling evidence of the existence of genuine preternatural abilities. Yet, the limitations of empirical observation are apparent to me at the same time. It is something that people across various cultures have wanted to believe in, and sometimes I wonder whether there's more to it than we've been taught in school. One thing I've been pondering is the matter of human abilities in general requiring training to grow. Given that nobody's really interested in cultivating preternatural abilities these days, it's perhaps unsurprising that any extant abilities would wind up atrophying anyway. It is something I've been considering, but it still swings both ways. It might be too weak to use with any regularity, or it simply does not exist.

A Hurt Toenail

I've been out of krav maga training for a month now. That is rather unfortunate and it annoys me to no end. It is equally unfortunate that the cause of my missed trainings came specifically from an accident there. I was attempting to perform a kick block one night, when I accidentally wound up ramming my toe into someone's shin. That hurt and resulted in a bruised toenail. It seemed mostly fine after that, so I didn't quite heed it. Sadly, it wound up getting infected a fortnight later, and it was sufficiently tender that I just could not wear shoes for a while. Obviously, that precluded training. Now, nearly two months later, the toenail's mostly healed but there's still something up with it that it's slightly tender when I press on the top of the nail. It's improved some, but I guess I am just generally reluctant to aggravate it. Hopefully it'll mend soon.

Molestation

Social taboos are interesting and sometimes frighteningly powerful. Sexuality is the subject of numerous taboos in modern society. Thinking about that makes me consider exactly what the impact of molestation is. It is obvious that it has profound effects on the victim's psyche, causing lasting trauma that is extremely hard to recover from. Objectively speaking, being groped by someone is little different from being brushed up against on the train or in some other public place. However, in reality the sense of violation is so extreme that it can lead some to commit suicide or engage in other self destructive behavior as a result. At first blush, I imagine molestation is a cue for a person to signal his or her sexual availability. Someone who does not respond strongly to a molestation is indirectly deemed to be sexually deviant, in not making a solid effort to protect one's sexual purity. I find it unfortunate that the burden of protecting one's sexual purity falls unevenly on the shoulders of the female of the human species.

Kaputt

My computer has been ailing for some time now, and it seems to have chosen to go fully kaputt today. That is most unfortunate. After checking it, it seems to me that the problem is caused at least in part by the thermal grease under the CPU which has hardened into something akin to hardened thermal gunk. It is clearly time for some servicing. This will be the first time I had to replace the stuff, but well there's always a first time for everything. I find it interesting that the average lifespan of my computers is around 3 years. After 3 years in my service, a computer will have some sort of critical failure that will require major servicing. After that, something usually fails altogether and that's when I call for a complete overhaul. By that time the system's usually sufficiently old that it needs some sprucing up anyway. The timing is a little unfortunate this time, seeing as how I am trying to save up for some major expenses, and I'd probably need to get on with real servicing rather than replacing the system altogether. Fortunately, I don't actually feel the need for a replacement considering how system requirements for games do not appear to have increased all that much in the recent years, so my system tackles the newer releases rather well.

Small Towner

I remember those movies where a small towner comes out to the big city to seek their fortune. I remember how inspirational those movies felt, somethin of a coming of age story. Strangely, after thinking it over, I realize that the reason such movies resonated with me was 'coz I pretty much felt the exact same way. A strange thing, considering that I'm from a large city myself, with a population of millions. The difference here is that the city is more like an island, with a woeful lack of greater exposure. Overall I dare say that I seek that exposure, and to broaden my horizons. I know it will be tough, but well thta's part and parcel of growing up. How odd that I should feel this.

A Night Walk

I had another night walk with friends yesterday and it was quite refreshing. I think there's something to be said for safe streets, where one may roam without excessive fear. I do find it relaxing to hang out by the waterfront and take my time to shoot photographs. Sadly, I find myself unable to really do that sort of thing by day anymore. Partly work commitments and well it gets rather difficult to focus when dealing with getting burned to a crisp and battling the heat. It leaves little energy for one to focus, let alone really relax and take shots at leisure. After a nice stroll from 11pm till 3 in the morning, we figured it'd be a good time to call it a night. Hell one of em was just about ready to pass out, but I wouldn't complain. Doing the night outing isn't really natural for most folk, so one has to respect that. Likewise for dragging me out of bed at dawn for some outing. That'd just be rather nasty. Regardless, I find myself enjoying such outings way more than other more conventional options like going out for a drink, dancing or shopping.

Madagascar 3

Now, I've watched the first Madagascar and thought that while it was sweet, it was just another happy kids show with a fairly predictable plot. I went to this movie expecting something similar (or typically worse considering that it's a sequel) and came out of it pleasantly surprised. Mad 3 was a visual feast, perhaps epilepsy inducing in parts, but overall highly enjoyable. The movie shows a high level of visual polish combined with a predictable but uplifting plot that manages to alternate between joy and sorrow while ending on a sweet note. I guess I've become somewhat jaded over time and no longer find such tales tugging at my heart strings anymore, but I do recognize a reasonably good narrative when I see one and the references to other animated films (think Up! and such) makes it worth a watch. Sadly, as much as I liked this film relative to the first, it is not quite in the league of the likes of How To Train Your Dragon. Perhaps Brave would fill that gap in my heart. Regardless, I would happily assign this one a 7.5/10.

Conceptual Distances

Humans have interesting concepts of distance, where the conceptual distance of a space can significantly exced objective distance. The presence of a threshold is an econceptual obstacle, which increases distance.  I have observed that when some friends are given a route that requires multiple transfers i  commute, they complain that the objective is out of the way, even though the time spent or objective distance traveled proves to be far from considerable.  This constantly confuses me, given how easy it is to get objective measures of such distances. I am loath to fall back on the convenient reasoning that humans are at their core lazy and thus prone to irrational thought shortcuts, but it certainly appears to be the case here.

Prometheus Vs Aliens

There's beauty in simplicity, and the Aliens franchise is no different. I've been thinking about just why Prometheus fell apart while the rest of the franchise managed to largely hold together, however simple and possibly shallow the whole xenomorph thing was. The original premise was that the xenomorphs were an apparently biomechanoid hive creatures that reproduced by parasiting other species. Prometheus attempts to expand upon this mythology, with very little success. Just what went wrong? If we were to consider the original Alien, it was fairly clear that the xenomorph gained biomass by infecting hosts and growing. In the later movies, the reveal of the Queen simply helped to flesh out the rest of the xenomorph life cycle. When Prometheus tried to explain the origin of the xenomorph and how it related to humans, the attempt was a tad convoluted and lost plausibility as a result. The flow seems to be as follows: The xenomorph began as a microbial goop bioweapon. If it infects a Jockey, it either causes spontaneous disintegration at the DNA level, or causes the Jockey's head to explode. The goop itself transforms regular worms into a serpentine facehugger. This serpentine facehugger apparently burrows down a human gullet to zombiefy it. Doesn't appear to do anything else. If the xenomicrobe were to infect a human, the human can mate with another human to impregnate the female with a squidlike facehugger. The human apparently dies after this, outcome unknown. This facehugger spontaneously gains biomass (????) and can implant itself in the Jockey race in order to create the first true xenomorph queen. Now, such a convoluted series of combinations does little to help with the xenomorph mythos simply because each stage raises fresh questions. It would probably have been more elegant to line the life stages up, whereby the goop infests a worm, which turns into a serpent which infests a human and becomes a facehugger which eventually infects a Jockey and forms the first xenomorph queen. With the various branches presented in the movie, questions are raised like: What, exactly does the zombie human do? Why did the infested Jockey's head explode when reanimated, yet causes the other Jockey to disintegrate when imbibed? Where did the squid xenomorph get its biomass, and why is that biomass required in the first place? Finally, if the Jockeys knew that the xenomorph goop was exceedingly dangerous (nearly resulting in the extinction of a species that's apparently biologically identical to humans), why did they insist on bringing the goop to earth to eliminate the other humans? Ultimately, the attempt at creating a more diversified application for the original xenomorph bioweapon opened a can of worms (pun intended) and really doesn't help in clarifying premise of the series. At this point, I'll also contribute my weird interpretation of the thing: The "Engineers" or "Space Jockeys" are basically Space Marines, from Warhammer 40k. We know this from the great height and strength, and the black carapace on the humanoid's torso. Clearly an unarmored and unarmed Astartes. What you find in the canopic jars are really virus bomb goop. We know this because it causes a horrible reek (emission of flammable gases) in an infected human, followed by spontaneous explosion of the head. It disintegrates biomass (Jockey disintegration), presumably releasing the same gases. At some point, all biomass on the planet will decay, causing the atmosphere to be filled with flammable gases, facilitating exterminatus. The last surviving Space Marine simply wished to launch the shuttle to Terra in order to complete the virus bombing, but failed. Of course, credit must be given where due, and I think Prometheus had some fine attention to visual detail. All the facehugger prototypes had some aspect of its vagino-phallic reproductive organ. The Space Jockey seat was very clearly explained, and the way the pilot fit in that strange humanoid sculpture explained just why there was a humanoid aboard a xenomorph ship, and just how the xenomorphs are associated with humans. I actually did spend most of the movie oogling the details and seeing how they try to fit in with the original Alien series.

Prometheus

I watched Prometheus today. I went to the movie with high expectations, considering that it's Ridley Scott again, doing the Aliens thing...again. How could it possibly go wrong? Well, despite its best attempts to do things right, the story just didn't hold together. I would presume that Prometheus started off as an attempt at explaining the origins of the xenomorphs and humanity, and perhaps telling us about the Jockey while we're at it. Unfortunately, the movie came across more like a shoddy attempt at tying up the story, winding up with more loose ends than it began with. So basically the Weyland guys fly over to a distant earthlike planet to discover what it's all about, and then discover that the planet's mostly deserted. This time, it doesn't exactly seem to be the xenomorphs that are responsible. Unfortunately, it seems that this potential to evolve the narrative has been squandered, and instead of trying to establish a coherent origin story, the narrative feels more like a mishmash of strange infections and outcomes that have no apparent relation to one another. Granted, this movie may be intended to be a two part experience and perhaps all would be explained in the second film, the current form is quite simply unable to stand by itself. I find this greatly disappointing. Overall I'd say the movie gets a 5.5/10 from me. I would've graded it lower for squandering the potential it has, but I guess it's points for effort at depicting a different form of the xenomorphs and just what the Jockey had in relation to the monsters. Unfortunately, the woeful lack of proper character development prevents any appreciation of just what's going on, and just makes the film feel like a rather nicely detailed action flick that is short of most of the action. I'd write a comparison between Alien and Prometheus next, to highlight just what's off about the whole shebang, but be warned that spoilers will be included.

Routines

If you remember my earlier post on feeling generally unmotivated, I think I may have figured out the cause of my depression: I am sinking into a routine. This has happened several times in my life, when I find myself grinding to a halt, and I can barely countenance seeing another day. It is during these times that I seriously consider suicide or at the very least withdrawing from humanity yet again. The issue here is not that something in particular is upsetting me, things like another person or work pressures or the like. It's the general feeling that I am stagnating and living life as a routine, doing the same or similar things over and over again. Given that the marginal differences of each day are minimal, my days blend into one another and I get an overpowering impression that I am in fact wasting my life away. I recall that when I was younger, one of my key comforts in life was the library. This may sound strange, but social contact is just draining and libraries are perfect places to hang out with something meaningful without having to interact with people. The library is where I can sail away on tomes of random knowledge, and on to flights of fancy with a novel at hand. Libraries really are remarkable places. Thinking back, I realize that I've recently taken to regarding libraries and books in general as repositories of narratives and escapist fantasy. While that was an aspect of my comfort, it was never the complete solution. I thirst for knowledge, and right now I am not learning nearly as much as I wish to. So here I am, sitting around listening to random Nine Inch Nails tracks for the ambiance, thinking about what such music tends to awaken in me. Ultimately, I feel a renewed sense of purpose, and I think I should go hermit for a while. Take some time away from the humans, and go back to my solitude. At the very least it'll be a rather cathartic experience, and restorative in the very least. When I think about the night walks I've always enjoyed, I realize that they are effectively an exercise in getting myself a dose of solitude while simultaneously discovering some part of the city each time. Even despite that, I find myself going into a routine by visiting a single place too often, and basically I can foresee running out of novel places to visit in my vicinity. The solution there, obviously, will be a change of scene.