Competence

Competence is an illusion. Undoubtedly, there will be some who believe they are competent at something and rightly feel confident about what they can and will do. Unfortunately, much of the "competence" experienced by many people would be somewhere between imaginary and utterly fictional.

For example, a game about people would immediately put a large proportion of the audience at ease: Being humans, they already assume that they have a very sound working knowledge of the needs, wants, behaviours and just about every other aspect of human existence. Of course, everything from then on would merely serve to maintain that illusion. Even if they take 5 minutes to learn how to play the game, they would feel very much better for it and pat themselves on the back for learning so quickly on a platform they are experts at. Conversely, the 5 minutes spent learning a new game they never felt competent at would probably be the longest 5 minutes of their lives! Who on earth could possibly understand the inner workings of arcane divine voodoo using bolts as mana?

Over exaggeration, perhaps, but a rather common trend amongst humans. It must be remembered that the average human is rather an emotional creature that lives on perceptions rather than concrete measures. A minute can seem far longer if it involves something they are not familiar with. As for competence? Assuming competence and subsequently failing at that very same act can do wonders for one's self-esteem...

Unwritten Rules

Humans learn by observing others. When everyone does things one way, it is perceived to be the correct way things are done. After all, the big, dumb, unwashed masses cannot possibly be wrong. Still, one must deign to consider the implications of such learning: What the great big, dumb, unwashed mess...er...masses does not do will also be perceived as incorrect.

Take for example the common metro. There are seats on the train, and great big open spaces. On a normal rush hour, those spaces would be taken up. On other off-peak times, the spaces open up to varying degrees. Sometimes, there just are no seats available, but lots of spaces.

Interestingly enough, very few actually consider sitting on the floor. While some may argue that doing so would result in obstruction to others, there are invariably nooks and crannies that can accommodate sitting and still not pose an obstruction. Even this little bit of practicality is largely ignored in favor of the norm of sitting (on seats) and standing on the train.

Such is the way of unwritten rules. By extension, these unwritten rules are established everywhere. In fact, owing to the average humans' lack of consciousness of the origins of their motivations, many accept these rules unquestioningly and find it exceptionally unusual that one should flout them...

Asking Why

One of the biggest problems with modern society is that nobody ever seems to ask why. When one is young, one learns much by asking why. Why is a rainbow a rainbow? Why is the sky blue? Eventually, one gets many answers to all the questions, and one starts to "grow up".

Later in life, it becomes increasingly unfashionable to ask why. In the teenage years, "why" becomes more a question of defiance than a prompt towards real learning. Once one reaches adulthood, "why" becomes an expression of ignorance rather than the quest for knowledge.

This is all very dangerous, the least of which can result in the stagnation of knowledge amongst the people. It can lead to several unquestioned "truths" that are harmful to the people as a whole to go unnoticed and unquestioned for extended periods of time. At worst, it allows for the abuse of authority.

Who's At Fault Now?

Being judgmental in a tense situation is insidious. In fact, I catch myself blaming others when the going gets tough. It is a cowardly and unacceptable thing, and should be overcome by mental discipline whenever it rears its ugly head.

As usual, such thoughts have their origins masked in the comforting veneer of logic. Something is going seriously wrong and I am doing my best. Therefore, some other person is at fault. He’s not working hard enough. She’s not skilled enough. Logically, I already know I am doing my best and therefore someone else must be at fault.

It must therefore be considered, the possibility that one isn’t really doing one’s best. Working hard alone has little bearing on putting in one’s best effort. Sometimes, chewing gum all day and having a flash of insight can be greater than merely brainstorming all day and churning out mediocre ideas wrought of an exhausted mind. Under the pretense of “productivity”, the quality of one’s work suffers.

Therefore, when one starts pointing that finger, one should ask whether one is truly doing one’s best. Of course, we already know that we’re doing our best. It’s a given, because everyone else is always at fault.

Zen Shooting

Shooting is a zen thing. It is the moment of unity between shooter, camera and subject. At that point, the shutter speed, aperture and iso are at the precise point of balance, creating an...AWFUL exposure. And then it all falls apart. The composition looks neither here nor there, the exposure is terrible and the colors just seem off.

This would be a good time to put the third eye to use, being able to "see" the shot before any buttons are pressed. It is only then, along with the correct settings, that everything can fall into place at the moment of the shot. It is not a matter of the camera (assuming it isn't damaged), its film/sensor or anything else...but the trigger finger and the right moment.

Power Over

There are many forms of power extant in society. One of the most visible types of power is power over. That is, a person(s) of power holds sway over those possessed of a lesser amount of that power.

This situation manifests itself in numerous ways. A common way would be in a kidnapping. The kidnappers have power over those they intend to extort money from. The origin of this example of power over is likely from the affection the people feel for the kidnapped. They are unwilling to allow or feel responsible for any harm befalling the kidnapped. It is precisely this attachment that keeps the kidnappers in a position of power.

Likewise, in most systems where there are people in "power", that form of power is often power over as well. A government that legitimizes its position through economic success or national stability will have power over the people by threatening them with the loss of their wealth and/or personal security if the people do not cooperate with them. A constant fear of terrorist attacks could cause people to be more willing to sacrifice their personal freedoms, for one. One should thus always be wary of anyone in power exercising power over, lest that power be abused.

Racism

The specter of racism is very real...and very insidious. Apart from dedicated self-admitted racists, most would deny being racist. In fact, they are quite likely to believe that they aren't either. Of course, taking into account the human propensity towards self-deception, this belief must be taken with a pinch of salt.

For example, a person may feel that a certain ethnic group is "inborn" with certain traits. Common accusations include laziness, propensity to violence, use of black magics, etc etc. At an intellectual level, having such inexplicable beliefs is completely unacceptable. After all, most people would not want to be thought of or think themselves racist.

Therein lies the problem: Humans have an incredible ability to see patterns where there is none. Hence we can have people seeing a certain ethnic group acting lazy one out of a hundred times and take it as canon, while rejecting the ninety nine other times the people from that ethnic group worked decently. Worse yet, the human mind appears intuitively incapable of comprehending probability (explaining the popularity of gambling, for example). By a combination of these factors, the human will have convinced herself that a certain ethnic group is possessed of a general poor character. And then we throw in the other irrational, probability-handicapped humans who think the same way...

Illogical Logic

Humans are curiously illogical. The slightest detail can conjure a whole slew of arbitrary conclusions. For example, the absence of suds in washing powder can make some imagine that the powder is not doing its job, despite the fact that stains are being effectively removed.

However, this apparent illogic is only so in relation to Age of Reason logic. By jumping to conclusions and strongly holding them, the human is by definition illogical especially when refusing to accept facts even in the face of evidence.

It would be interesting to consider how this illogic could have become so predominant amongst humans to the extent that most would dismiss offhand the in depth consideration of philosophies and ideals. (We shall ignore the fact that this is in and of itself a philosophy)

In times of greater scarcity, the ability to make snap decisions would very likely draw the line between survival and a very ugly death. If we go by the tenets of Darwinism, it would appear to be useful that humans can barely perceive things, decide whether they are worth considering, then discard them offhand to focus on more important things.

In most middle class urban existences, the consideration of things beyond “mere” survival (like logical thought, for example) would be more useful for survival in society. Despite this, the application of logical thought is still cumbersome and quite contrary to the way humans have been for the longest time: “Modern” life as is understood nowadays is merely a social construct dominated by the artificiality of “logic”.

The higher logic of philosophy and ideals is in and of itself of little merit in a harsher and more carnal existence. An example would be say…(to quote a cliché) living in a jungle. Therefore, the offhand rejection of Enlightenment-era logic is in and of itself logical – in the context of bare survival. Such is merely an alternative form of logic that is currently frowned upon if allowed to dominate one’s existence.

The Superficiality Of Language

Some may claim that consumerism is remarkably superficial. For example, buying a stylish sports car is purported to “say” something about the driver/owner. It may be true, but all this is merely the perception of the beholder. If I associate sports cars with yuppies, I would readily assume that sports car owner = yuppie.

Still, it must be noted that the very vocabulary from which I draw the term “yuppie” is really from the language of my culture - both spoken and unspoken. Humans have created multiple levels of nonverbal communication to compensate for their relative inability to read others’ minds.

Unfortunately, these nonverbal ways to communicate have led to rather unfortunate consequences for those who do not understand them. I could “accidentally” select a vehicle that “says” all the wrong things about me, and be totally clueless about it (assuming that I couldn’t read minds or nonverbal communications, of course). Conversely, I could simply deliberately choose my wardrobe to deceive others about my “true” nature.

Language is actually meant to be superficial: a word means only what it means (to facilitate ease of communication). It is really human perceptions and consensus that leads to words developing arcane and obscure connotations. If anything is superficial, it is the vocabulary set up within a culture to communicate ideas related to consumerism. One may think that an item’s mere appearance influenced the buying decision and thus the buyer must be superficial. One who thinks that way may be guilty of being superficial, too, by demonstrating a possible ignorance of the deeper symbolism of the item. To be sure, much of this stems from the negative connotations of the word “superficial”…

Strange Censorship

Ok, I'm really behind time on this gripe, but better late than pregnant...er...never. Anyway, this is about that horrendous "reality" show There's Something About Miriam. In fact, I feel it's wrong on so many levels that it's amazing the show wasn't banned outright. Less offensive shows have been banned on the grounds that they were affronts to human dignity.

Down to the gripe: For one, the show is built entirely on deception. The contestants were deceived into believing that they were going for a natal female rather than a transsexual woman. Now, this is less about the woman/not-woman issue than that they were led to believe, by implication and common expectation than it is about how the show has utter disregard for the sensitivities of the contestants. For example, some of them may have strong ideological or religious beliefs against dating a transsexual. It's sort of like telling someone that they're voting Democrat when it's really a Republican.

Then we have the issue of Miriam saying that she is "not a woman". This self-admission...by a transsexual, no less...is likely to cement public opinion that transsexual females are not women. They are born-guy creatures that will always be guys in one way or another. This may be a biological fact, but is hardly healthy for those trying to assimilate into society to have normal lives.

Sad to say, Miriam was hardly the prime example of an average woman. Though some note that she is somewhat of a bimbo, I believe this is at least in part attributed to how she seems not to be a native English speaker. By choosing an obviously foreign woman who is apparently not very articulate, it creates negative stereotypes of both foreigners (specifically Mexicans) and transsexual women. For all I know, she did not literally mean "I am not a woman" so much as "I was born male". That is, she regards herself as female, but acknowledges the fact that she wasn't born so.

In fact, there may be a possibility that this travesty was allowed primarily because it involved a "not-real" woman rather than a real one. Any other premise involving a non-transsexual would be a clearly recognizable affront to human dignity. If it were a woman, it'd probably be sexual harassment at least. If it were a HIV-positive person, it would be downright illegal not to reveal it till the end.

Worse yet were the guffaws of the other contestants as the winner got the "prize". Besides seeming like a big mean schoolyard prank, it also implies that a guy being "fooled" into dating a transsexual is really a big joke (i.e. any sane guy would certainly not consider such a proposition). Were he not already averse to the idea, such concerted mockery would certainly put him off.

The implication of all this is awful if true: Transsexuals are simply not treated as being deserving of the dignity afforded every other good non-transsexual citizen. Such a precedent means one can create a similar show spitting on the dignity of at least one person on national TV...and get away censorship-free.

Clinton: An Issue Of Gender

It is frightening how so many women are highly critical of Hillary Clinton potentially popping into the White House. I suppose it is not so much of a problem if there is a legitimate gripe, such as obvious potential to be an awful commander in chief or something. What I seem to be getting is rather a lot more of inexplicable I-don't-like-her or she's-so-arrogant. Opinions like these tend to raise alarm bells, signaling the possibility that it really is that old ugly harsh judgment of women cropping up again.

For some reason, women are the harshest critics of other women, and it seems to be quite the case here, too. Something that is deemed appropriate (ambition) in men is inappropriate (power-hungry) in women. This double standard could well be masking some other deeper motivation for women to undermine other women. If there ever was a fine example of divide and conquer, in-fighting between women would be shiny indeed.

Of course, I would likely stand by the feminists who claim that Clinton is just another bastion of patriarchy in a female shell. If people really stop to consider, men and women are equally responsible for maintaining the stranglehold of patriarchy. I fail to understand how a full half of society could be forced to unwillingly accept a yoke like patriarchy. There has to be some complicity here.

Then again, all this aside, I believe national leadership should be evaluated according to the merits of the candidates. That is, things that do not intrinsically affect candidate performance like race, gender and religion should really be put aside when making this important decision. Given the history of human irrationality, my hopes are not really up. But I do hope to see a woman in the White House for a change nonetheless.

Feedback Loop: A Nagging Hypothesis

The mind has an interesting tendency to ignore things that are deemed unimportant. For example, if the toilet smells and it is unimportant (does not cause any perceptible harm), the smell is screened out by the mind.

Now, there is also a feedback loop. If the toilet smell is deemed important, the mind feeds back the sense without causing it to be screened out. It is very much akin to a doctor’s needle that feels far more intense when you’re paying attention to it.

We are all familiar with the concept of nagging. It occurs when a person figures that something is important and repeatedly relates the concept of that important something to another person. Naturally, nagging only occurs when the other party does not regard that something as important, or that something would have been removed in the first place.

So this is where it all gets together. Let’s assume that the situation in question is a toilet that smells. In this hypothetical situation, the woman notices the smell just as well as the man. Both notice it at this point. We will assume that the woman deems the smell important and the man does not. After some time, the woman is nagging about the smell, and the man gets very much angry about the nagging. What happened?

Initially, both noticed the smell. However, the man finds it unimportant and screens the sense out. He has effectively ignored the smell. The woman finds it important, however. This is probably because of social factors. The toilet is probably a domestic unit and belongs in the domestic sphere that women traditionally dominate. Moreover, keeping the household healthy is important to her. Bad toilet smells could indicate unclean surroundings that may spread disease. Finally, it is socially rewarding for a woman to be observant (you’ll understand this part if you are a woman)

Given the perceived importance of the smell, the woman’s mind does not let her ignore it. Think of this as a doctor’s needle…multiplied every time the woman is reminded of the smell. When the feeling overflows, there is an urge to relate this to another person: the hapless man. Understandably, the man initially accepts this, but does nothing about it because he feels it is unimportant. Later on, with repeated reminders, he feels frustrated because he is being constantly reminded about something he effectively does not notice anymore. It seems like much ado about nothing! With the differences in perception, the woman winds up having to get rid of the smell…and put another black mark on the man’s sordid character.

Now, let’s extrapolate this to my room. Here are the facts: It is messy. Mom feels that the mess is somehow important. I do not stay in the house much (there’s school and stuff). Mom stays in the house a whole lot more. Guess who gets more frustrated about the situation? =p

Pokemon!

Pokemon Pearl for DS is probably one of those dated games that persist to the present day. However, from a game mechanics point of view, it is actually quite remarkable. Pokemon has a healthy number of the hallmarks of a successful game. It has a persistent game world in that players can trade their pokemon both in the card game and online. It generates itself by having invisible and random enemy spawn points that spew random enemies (not necessarily a good game design). It has an apparently large game world that houses lots of inhabitants. More importantly, there are a huge variety of playable pokemon that can be captured. Even the interface is quite dynamic for something this dated.

What would keep most from appreciating it, though would probably be its skin. For one, it is probably targeted at a younger audience and I know a good number of people who would not be caught dead playing it precisely because of that reason. Besides, those who are used to "meaningful" (read: more glitz, blood and gore) gameplay would bemoan the repetitiveness of the combat sequences. I, for one, am more than a bit peeved that there is no way to get through them quicker so I can spend more time exploring.

That aside, there really is a remarkable amount of content in the game. There are huge numbers of pokemon to be seen/captured and each one is somewhat different from the others. (Of course, this is not to evaluate it from a balance point of view, since the game is clearly heavily weighted towards certain pokemon.) Besides the sprites and their supporting accessories, there are numerous small embellishments that pop out through gameplay. We have the underground levels, the little widgets that you collect in your adventures, and hidden items to name a few.

The more (self-perceived) mature audience may view the overall game world as predictable, but it is undeniable that there is much to see in the game world...assuming one actually has the patience to go over all of it.

Exams And Life

Examinations are a like a very badly (or well) designed game. It has a set of fixed rules that are not initially apparent to the student. In fact, the rules are never made known to or figured out by a good number of students. The deal breaker, of course, is that once done, there is no way to undo what one did (or did not) in the exam. Realistic? Perhaps. Fun? Probably not.

Of course, some have likened this phenomenon to that of life. Life is presumably fun, or a good majority of living creatures would have committed suicide because there was no real reason to live on. Some may argue that they have a sense of self-preservation or a fear of death and thus are not quite likely to want themselves dead. I would disagree, since they have obviously deemed it not-fun to actually off themselves. I believe a good number would disagree as well, but they're currently pushing up the daisies and are unavailable for comment.

Back to exams, the general consensus is that they are NOT fun. This is likely because they are either too easy (I get an A every time!) or too hard (I can never get that A!). In pattern theory, this would mean that a good number of students have failed to learn the pattern of exams (the holy grail formula that gets you A's every time). Whose fault is it? Obviously academia. They are the ones who grade the papers in the first place.

Look a little deeper, and the source of not-fun is quite likely the value system of the individual students. The value system itself, of course, can be influenced by a number of factors, not the least of which society. It is probable that the lack of fun is not so much from not getting A's...but from not being able to enjoy the exam experience itself. By being unable to understand the pattern for A's, or to grok the system itself, the students cannot find such an experience fun. All this, however, does nothing to improve the exam's rating as one of the most horrible games ever invented (assuming that games are meant to be fun).

Up That ISO!

This is just a reminder to self: Up that ISO! I was at a family gathering today and as usual, the indoor conditions were somewhat dim. Now, it may be an admirable effort to try to keep the camera steady so shake doesn't blur the shots, but it is darned silly to waste moments by allowing the subject to blur them by moving! Of course, this was more of a covert/candid operation considering that my relatives didn't really like to be photographed and mom basically commissioned the hit. Anyway yeah. ISO 800! Go for it!

Have Some Self-Respect

There are really too many people out there (even national leaders) who take themselves way too seriously. That is, they can never take it when someone lampoons them. It would seem that the more magnanimous are rather more sporting and allow a healthy bit of self-deprecation. Of course, the tendency to take oneself overly seriously is quite likely an indication of low self-esteem. Even the tiniest bit of lampooning would make one go nuts. The magnanimous ones are more likely to be comfortable with themselves and know that a few well-meaning jibes would not automagically kill their entire reputation. I mean it's silly, being seen drinking Pepsi and suddenly fearing that one's reputation has been smeared by association with Britney Spears. Oops, did I say that out loud?

The Mist

This is probably one of the worst movies I have watched in a very long time. Right off the bat, I would give it a 5.5/10. It was made worse by the knowledge that the story could have been so much more, but lost all of its subtlety in the sledgehammer narrative.

Basically, The Mist is about this all-obscuring mist that settles over a town (shouldn't it be a fog, really?). This insidious mist is also home to a host of deadly creatures that kill everything (presumably, though only humans were featured in the movie). As the story progresses, the audience is shown the full spectrum of human ugliness arising from people being put in a highly stressful situation.

The premise is perhaps where the good stuff ends. The movie narrative is plagued by loopholes and has about as much finesse as your average sledgehammer. For example, what do you do when you're in a (seemingly) safe place full of food and there's a supposedly deadly mist outside? You go out and try to get help. If a dangerous-looking but non-aggressive creature barges into your area? You attack it (the American way). When all else fails? You turn to your nearest religious leader. All that, within the space of three days.

By the presentation of this sequence of events, the show has effectively turned a story about humans being pushed to the brink and beyond into one showcasing the mindless fervor of religious zealots and the ugliness of mob thinking. The snide commentary on human nature has turned into devolving a bunch of people into a gibbering mindless mob.

Of course, the show has a saving grace: It's ending is twisted and very much ironic. As with the rest of the show the real reason for a bunch of people (having hope in the intrinsic goodness of humanity into those losing all hope) going nuts was not really explained. It merely showcased their cowardice and readily faltering willpower. I also loved the Silent Hill moment, with the siren before the fog rolled in.

All this was combined with some rather budget special effects that not only looked false, but relied heavily upon the motif of the mist to obscure the true details of what was going on. Of course, I shall not bother elaborating on how wrong it is to have yet another Doom-style open-portal-to-hellish-dimension-hence-releasing-deadly-creatures premise. So yeah. 5.5/10.

Mom's Touch

The road to Hell is truly paved with good intentions. My friend wanted to come over to my place to play video games. Naturally, such a thing was no big deal and it wouldn't really take all day anyway. But then mom just has to get a nervous breakdown over how messy the house was and how it could possibly create a bad impression, thus figuring that tidying my room was a good solution. Apparently, people coming over to play video games are also there to inspect the house and gossip over how messy it is when they get home.

Anyway, that's not really the worst thing. I'd be happy if mom would just actually make the room look tidier. What really happened was that my room looked every bit as untidy as it did before she started on it...and I wound up finding lots of my items displaced. And given that she's effectively been through my stuff, I expect she would give me all sorts of queries about why I have this and that. Just wonderful. Sometimes I wonder whether this sort of sortie was not some form of casus belli so she can spot-check on what I have and fuss over why I have this new mouse or a new bottle of vitamin pills.

Naturally, I expect to find (or really be unable to find) various items over the next couple of days. Mom has an intrinsic right to search my stuff like some government lackey, and if she misplaces some of my stuff, it's really a factor of my natural messiness. If I misplace her stuff, I'm just another horrible person.

The Shaman

In the old days, there were the shamans. These were the storytellers, dreamers, speakers to gods and mediators of old. Perhaps the names had changed with the times. Perhaps even the duties had evolved to serve the new societies. But the role of the shaman is alive in a different form to this day.

It only stands to reason that our modern artists, artistes, game makers, novelists and others have come forward to take the places of what were once the combined duties of a single person in a simpler society. Still, with the mantle of shaman comes the responsibility of duty. The great responsibility of handling this power seems to be lacking, especially in those who do not even recognize the power of their positions. Of course, this is not unexpected in a society where the very mention of the shaman brings little more awe than would be afforded a snail eating a leaf. Then again, few still give credence to the speakers of Apollo

Living On Conflict

I think it's strange how I literally live on conflict. It's not so much that I need to get into fisticuffs all the time, but I do get a big rush just hurling chunks of my mind at others. Heck, even a good argument would be nice. Of course, I do get a sort of guilty pleasure from insulting people. Guilty because I know it's nasty and really shouldn't be done too often lest I offend too many of the wrong people. But it really is enjoyable to let off steam in a non-physical way.

Then again, there's always the outlet of gaming but that will never be quite as enjoyable. It would be nice if people don't mind getting into conflicts all the time and come out of it not taking things personally. I know I'd get pissed after being insulted, but I'd also forget it mighty quick. All in the name of good fun.

Behold! The Serpentine Mouse!

Alright, so I had a bout of consumeristic madness today. I actually went out and purchased the ultra-expensive (for a mouse) Razer Lachesis. Frankly, I was majorly turned off by the price tag at first. After browsing a number of shops, my perception of the mouse only went down because I never found a tag that suited my requirements. And then one kindly shop just had to hammer the final nail in the coffin: It had a nice discount on the item. Frankly, I think the price tag was a mistake (it was 15% lower than that offered in every other store, including the Razer store), but I'll give the tagger the benefit of the doubt =p

Anyway, the Lachesis has this incredible chasis and 4000 dpi sensor. I normally wouldn't bother with such things, but I felt a bit turned off "upgrading" from the 1600 dpi Krait to some other 1800-2000 dpi sensor mouse. Besides, the style was just there. I loved the "Bringer of Silent Death" tagline. Those who know me would understand.

As for handling, what can I say? The unusual shape was a major turnoff at first handling impressions (when I plugged it in, that is). I thought there was a problem with the sensor, given that the cursor had a strange feel to it, skipping about every now and then. And then I realized the mouse had a plastic sheet under it to protect the minty underside. Wow. I certainly did not expect that. After handling it for a day and some, I finally figured it was a worthwhile purchase. There's just a certain appeal to having that pulsating white glow on the back of the mouse. It matches my Porta-Navi. Of course, my one regret (if any) would be that I didn't know there was going to be a Red Lachesis coming out soon... =p

The Value Of Time

No one can put a value to time, precisely because time has no intrinsic value. However, there is a dilemma with this otherwise arbitrary measure of human aging: It cannot currently be regained. Therein lies the importance of using every bit of time to its fullest. The issue, of course, is that this is seldom the case, even for mortals. Strangely enough, the mortals seem the most willing to whittle their few years away for paltry recompense.

Perhaps recompense is not the word to be used here. Satisfaction would probably be suffice. They set their standards so low that paltry satisfaction would be gained for an otherwise irreplaceable portion of their mortal existence. I presume that the only logical explanation for this illogical action would be that these ephemeral mayflies seek only to hasten their end, that they can numb themselves to the meaningless drudgery of daily existence. Alas, some do not have the luxury of even that.

Spending Money

I think it is time that I got a new mouse. Let's see...it's practically three years since I got the Krait, and it's served me well. Herein lies the dilemma: Am I to waste more expense on the acquisition of a superior 4000 dpi model, or am I to content myself with the paltry (but otherwise highly sufficient) 1600 dpi that currently graces the pad on my table? It may be a point of pride, but it feels that I am but jogging on the spot if I did that, for I will be obtaining a perfectly identical model to the one I got years back. Hardly a worthwhile thing considering that the price of the item has barely fallen. I feel it in my bones that the time is ripe for a reaping.

Then again, I am disgusted at how the other models have the needless complication of additional buttons that I do not bother using. I think they really should consider creating a model that has as few buttons as possible (three), yet is as fast as the best models. That would greatly simplify my decision making.

The Stillness Of Night

It never ceases to amaze me how the average human loves the day so much. Apart from the sun's eye-piercing rays that flay the very skin from the bones, one can only wonder at the inexplicable tendency for some to stay awake at the unlikeliest of hours only to slave away. It seems almost a waste that they cloak themselves in light in the deadest of night, only to have it all wasted when nobody is awake to enjoy the illumination.

Of course, the logic of the human condition can probably only be understood by one of their kind, with a complacent surety that everything they do has an intrinsic meaning. Better yet, it only the sense available to the commoners that holds their sanity in petulant shreds, swearing that the way of the masses is the correct way to live life. Then again, what sort of life do they live?

Gerrymandering

Gerrymandering allows for an advantage to a particular side through electoral boundary manipulation. This is a potentially extremely powerful method to prolong an incumbent party's term of office. It must be noted, though, that there are limits to which it may be applied. Of course, a good way to prevent the exploitation of the technique is simply by preventing political leaders from holding office for extended periods of time.

In the absence of such, gerrymandering can proceed for extended periods of time. Still, these extended periods may not extend to infinity given the inherent stopgap nature of such a move. For one, the party concerned is likely to already be uncertain in their ability to hold the favour of the majority. Moreover, the boundaries can only be redrawn so many times before the population catches on. From then on, it's really a matter of whether discontent reaches critical mass and causes the incumbents to be voted out or forcibly ousted.

Che Sera Sera

Being blind to the future can have an interesting effect: The generation gap. By being unaware of the possible extent of changes over the passage of time, people have come to habituate themselves to what was normal at a certain period of time. This is typically when they were younger.

Now let’s zip to the Cyberpunk era. While it may seem to be a long time back, it is probably something a number in this current generation of youths would hold dear. That is, the long ranger hacker or underground hacker associations resisting the cruel Orwellian techno-governments. Already some of this has come true, with increased surveillance and branding information sharers as criminals and communists.

How about the future? We could perhaps have a future somewhat more similar to that of the Japanese, with widespread embracing of high technology and rather more general apathy. In that future, current hacker heroes would be seen as an anachronism and irrationally resistant to change. They would probably be stodgy old fogies than the dynamic messiah figure of today. Of course, this is all assuming that the world as we know it doesn’t end by 2013…

Say What?

There is one terrible thing about human communication, and that is human non-communication. Often, actions or inactions imply meanings that are not literally interpretable. An example would be keeping quiet. Depending on context (and usually inscrutable expressions), it could mean comfort and contentment in being with a person, discomfort and inability to communicate with a person or a plain unwillingness to communicate. Then we have the problem of responding to that, either by prodding or keeping quiet as well.

Perhaps it is so habitual and culturally embedded that one cannot conceive of a way to be upfront without hurting another's feelings. I could say "I hate you" and thus cause hurt, or choose to stay silent and hope you go away. Many of these "misunderstandings" are really more of a total lack of understanding given that at least one party will be unwilling to verbally or visibly express one's disposition. How then can communication be precise and thus effective?!

Visions

Visions may not be so strange after all. Visible light is but a form of radiation. Very perceived "color" is merely a way of sensing the vibrations of light. It is therefore not a stretch to think that some people can sense what others cannot. Evolution causes change, after all. Not everyone would be born with the exact same body with the exact same functions. There may be statistical commonalities, but these seldom if ever take into account the vagaries of chance. Unfortunately, the subtle senses are indeed subtle: They do not reveal things readily the way typical senses do.

Chains

Which would you prefer? Iron or silken chains? Given the fact that chains of sorts exist regardless the situation, most would opt for silken chains. It is also unfortunate that they think themselves free because they have forgotten how to perceive the chains. In effect, those people have managed to deceive themselves into thinking that they are free.

Perhaps it is more comforting to engage in self-deception, but it may be useful to have the occasional painful reminder of the iron chains. After all, it prevents the onset of unhealthy contentment in a less than ideal situation that can be improved.

Subtle Senses

I went to watch The Golden Compass today. I read the His Dark Materials trilogy quite some time back, so the memories are rather fuzzy about the exact details of the original books. However, I really missed the part about the armored ice bears. Frankly, that all reminded me of the Narnia film, what with the Queen and her polar bears.

Anyway, thoughts of The Subtle Knife made me think about the subtle senses. The use of subtle senses is apparently best without conscious control. Or perhaps it may be more accurately termed as logical control. Interestingly enough, intuitive things by definition do not work when logic is pulled in. That is because hard logic plays no part in the control of these aspects. It's sort of like how you can logically think about how to lift your arm through control of the muscles, but no amount of logic will actually move your arm.

Communal Celebrations

Watching the mindless masses swarming around the Christmas season leaves one to wonder at the sensibility of these communal celebrations. Sure, some call them holidays or holy days or even seasons of joy. Many regard these celebrations as having a "festive mood" and thus worthy of the attention.

However, this is all quite senseless, really. For one, people like being individuals yet adore throwing their individuality away just so they can indulge in a bit of sinful herd mentality. Also, time just passes and pretty much ignores whatever people try to slap onto it. A New Year's day or Christmas would really be quite arbitrary. You don't technically get a "new year" after Dec 31st. You just get another sunrise.

Perhaps all this is just to prevent people from feeling like dumbasses for tossing their dignity to the wind and letting their hair down at an arbitrary time. Big whoop, let's rave like there's no 2008 on Dec 21 because I felt like it! Given the nature of straitlaced modern adult society, such activity would be quite frowned upon or deemed silly. It's just too bad that people love to tie themselves in knots over self-made rules.

Watching Your Levels

In aesthetics, there is a great emphasis placed on horizons to be leveled (especially when there isn't an intention to unsettle the image somewhat). On the surface, this sounds perfectly reasonable. The human perceptions are reputedly so fine-tuned that humans are able to perceive when a photo is tilted.

This is all well and good until you realize that the human idea of level is not so much a perfectly horizontal true horizon, but a perceptual imaginary horizon that is drawn even when the picture isn't leveled. All in all, it is probably an evolutionary step to allow humans to be able to stand upright with reference to that imaginary horizon. It's terrible in other contexts, especially when you know that you didn't tilt anything, but everyone else insists that something is tilted in a shot.

Life's Tapestry

There is the comfort of comfort. Comfort is the opiate of the masses. It could take the form of religion, achievement, an ideal or any other lie cooked up to conjure meaning out of life. How true is conjured meaning? It may be a construct made to deceive ourselves into believing that we are enlightened.

Life is a tapestry of many threads, and we need to weave the threads into a coherent whole. It would be foolish to cling to a few threads and call it a tapestry. Much as doing so would be comforting, it does little to hold reality together. Besides, anyone with half an eye would be able to see that it is merely a conjured illusion to deceive oneself.

Of course, weaving is hard work. That is why some prefer to bank everything on a single thread. Yet without the variety of the other threads, a single thread breaking would be devastating to the coherence of the life in question. What would happen, then?

True Nature

I can preach about courage, but why do I hide my true nature? Am I alive? Have I truly lived? It is hard to live a half-life, being un-dead for having no life yet not being actually dead. A strange sort of limbo, and something that most would do their utmost to avoid.

What happens when one cuts loose, however. Does one lose the illusory self and become what one truly is? Many believe that it is to be avoided, for in doing so one is no longer oneself. But it could be far worse to become the mask, losing one's self in the process as well. Of course, there comes that need for self-control so as not to alarm everyone else to the extent that it becomes difficult to do anything without people fleeing in terror...

It's Obvious

Ok right, so someone cooks up a really odd theory about the presidents Lincoln and Kennedy. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylc=X3oDMTFtMXI2N3ZvBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMzk2NTQ1MTAzBHNlYwNmcm9udCBwYWdlBHNsawNGUC1Ub2RheUludA--?qid=20060718102928AADth6z&fr=hp
Maybe I'm odd or a conspiracy theorist, but it seems that nobody is willing to come up with an explanation for these weird happenings. Me? I don't really believe in coincidences. And when there are too many coincidences, it really should ring a bell in someone's head.

That much should be obvious: These two presidents are the same person! In fact, they could well be a variety of daywalking vampire. It all fits. Clearly, they have much in common. It is a common joke amongst immortals having little references to past discarded identities. I mean, these two presidents did come back and the loose ends were neatly tied in with assassins...who were likely accomplices! So yeah. If anyone really wants to see a significance in all this, they need only look towards vampire lore.

Guns 'n Surveillance

There can be few things as disturbing as knowing that humans really are animals that are incapable of disciplining themselves. Give them the right to bear arms and we wind up with shooting sprees in school (not that I disapprove, of course. It reduces the human population, after all) So in comes tighter controls and surveillance.

In a technologically advanced society, surveillance can go a whole lot further than it used to. Besides the classic spying on others with real spies, it is a breeze to use night vision equipment, telephoto lenses and even tiny unmanned drones to do all that. There are tagging technologies and magic eyes in the skies.

Despite all this, it must be noted that humans are animals incapable of disciplining themselves. The common peasants have proven this. However, what makes the elected leaders of these unwashed masses so certain that they are entitled to legitimate uses of violence? What makes the commoners so sure that their leaders will not be using their authority for personal gain? Bah. Humans.

If you meet the Buddha...

I suppose that since this koan preaches about killing, I'll just go with it. Sounds like fun to kill Buddhas. Of course, this would probably apply to just about every religion that preaches against idol worship. Like the Buddhas, the idols can be internal and external. They could be a golden calf or even that random false prophet that comes along and claims that God has changed Her mind. I don't really understand how one would really want to worship a golden cow or believe that their God is fickle, but I suppose I've been fooled by stranger things.

Anyway the whole point is that everyone forms false expectations. They hear hands clapping
and assume that one hand clapping has to sound somewhat similar. They see a gay person and assume that he would go around trying to seduce all men. Perhaps it is time to kill all these false Buddhas and at least work towards some level of enlightenment.

Break It!

There are rules to be broken, regulations to flout! So why are you sitting around on your law-abiding butt? Of course, some would balk at being anti-establishment. After all, there are always penalties to flouting rules. Still, nobody ever seems to question why rules are there in the first place. They are not just "there for a reason". It would be far better to know exactly which reason that was and whether that reason was valid in the first place. Hence, I think it is unwise for one to dismiss anti-establishment people offhand as troublemakers. After all, they may well be performing everyone a valuable service...

Koff Koff

Perhaps people have no common decency. Of course, since I have this wonderful absolute faith in the innate goodness of humanity, I shall have to assume that it is my poor fortune that has led me to have a bunch of humans coughing at me and around me...without covering their snotty gobs. Clearly, it is their gobs that cause the most trouble since it has the largest aperture and smell a whole lot worse than their porcine snouts. Then again, I have recently recalled that I did not, after all, have any real faith in the innate goodness of humanity or their pathetic plagues so I say: Cover up when you sneeze and cough!

Hidden Ovulation

There's this odd assertion that the ovulation of women is "hidden". Understandably, women do not develop all sorts of odd symptoms like swollen red butts when it's around that-time-of-the-month. However, it would be too hasty to assume that ovulation is hidden just because humans (mainly men) are incapable of sensing its coming. I think even a human would be able to scent the difference when someone is about to ovulate. If not only the sense of smell, then perhaps the weird feelings that pop out of nowhere when you're actually experiencing it? Or the heightened senses and certain friskiness? Well, perhaps some are just unwilling to admit it to themselves...

Cows Are Zen

Yes. Cows are zen. In fact, they are so zen that everyone thinks they're dumb. For any skeptic out there, one need only hear what the cows have to say to everything. Yes, that's right. They say Mu. For the uninitiated, Mu is also Japanese for void or nothingness. The cows have understood the ultimate meaninglessness of life and chosen to accept it for what it is. That is why cows have yet to organize themselves into a massive uprising to overthrow humanity: They understand that even if they succeed, it is all meaningless. Enjoy your steaks.

Idol Worship

Idol worship is a terrible, terrible sin. It is a sin of sheer stupidity. It is so stupid it just has to be a sin. Anyway, the whole idea is this: You make something, then you fall to your knees and kowtow to it. So maybe I'm a weirdo, but the thought of bowing to my own creation is a bit odd. I mean, shouldn't my creation be bowing to me? It kind of defeats the purpose, having myself take the effort to make 100 items, only to be bowing to them in turn. It would be marginally more meaningful to bow to a rock or a tree, though. At least you didn't have to take the trouble to make them...

A Creepy Moment

Sometimes, things just happen at night. Perhaps it's a bit of the third eye popping open at an inopportune time or something. Anyway, I was brushing my fangs at night and caught a mind's eye glimpse of a rather grotesque face. Now, that's usually a sign that something's up. That's especially so when the glimpse was that vivid. Then when I got back to my room and picked my handkerchief off the floor, it was covered in ants. Apparently, it picked up a potato chip that was swarming with the lil creatures. Creepy, perhaps. I've had worse when ants swarmed out of one of my containers a'la Stephen King.

Of course, it's the same sort of weirdness as having a drop of water fall on your lap when there was nothing on the ceiling, along with water dropping and falling in the shape of a rather interesting sign. Ah, the wonders of being where I am. heh. Of course, negotiation is much preferred to intimidation. Feeding off fear is one thing...but I feed off fear too. Doesn't work too well for some, does it?

Pink Everything!

How odd, that pink is chosen as the color of the gay community. No, it is not quite the community
that chose it so much as the power hegemony that opted to label gays with "pink". It's pink everything nowadays, apparently. Pink dollars, pink photography for gay marriages et cetera. My question would be: Why pink! I mean, if there's a color, perhaps we could always go with purple.

Purple is the land between red and blue. Red being females, blue being males. (don't ask me which dumbass came up with that color categorization). Pink, though? Pink is a rather feminine color, and probably would look more at home on the shoulders of lesbians. Then again, a goodly number of lesbians would not be too happy with that as well. Could it be that gay men like to wear pink? I suppose that would be odd, but it would imply that gay men are intrinsically feminine. Strange...I could've sworn that most gay men I've seen in real life aren't quite feminine...

Bimbo No More

The archetype of the bimbo is not far from that of the prostitute. A bimbo is thought of as a stupid attractive woman of questionable morals. That is, she uses her sexuality to get ahead, much the way a prostitute "sells" her sexuality to get economically ahead.

I see a problem here. The problem is not that intellect is something that one should flaunt. Presented with that idea, I would simply propose that women are on average smarter than men because men think about sex more and thus are less capable of focusing on the important intellectual things. Of course, that would sound downright misandrist and somewhat questionable. Not that it is a far cry from the things leveled against women that are taken as "fact".

The problem is that sexuality has become something that is deemed by our society to need to be closely guarded. Virginity is highly prized. Selling of the "body" (really merely selling sexual favours unless one is unfortunate enough to feel attachment) is met with scorn. Getting ahead with one's natural sexual attractiveness is somehow inferior to getting ahead with one's intellect. All this is a proposition to keep the female "self" for the male. Sexual and relational commitment must be reserved for one's husband, and virginity should never be lost before marriage. The "right" way to get ahead in life is through one's skills and not one's sexuality.

Perhaps some will not see a problem in basically being told to keep one natural aspect of the self shackled simply because others said so. And it is not necessarily a "natural" aspect that is brutal like going out there and killing things. I am for commitment and sexual fidelity, of course. The problem is that sexual fidelity works both ways. How strange, then, that a man who is a virgin up till the day of marriage is...not highly respected. A woman's intellect that is automatically discredited due to her gender becomes a commonplace thing.

It was found that an identical resume slapped with a female name would lose credibility in the eyes of recruiters. How, then, is a woman to use intellect properly in the face of opposition such as this? In the absence of due respect for a woman's intellect, what more is there left for a bimbo to get ahead with? Oh heaven forbid it to be her sexuality...

The Subtle Self

Most humans have difficulty seeing the subtle self. I felt that disability when walking around one day. I was dressed casually, in a t-shirt and jeans. Not something a rich kid would be wearing. I carried my pack as was usual, along with a sling bag. In my pack was a rather expensive laptop and a tripod, with a professional camera in the sling bag. To the untrained eye, I was just another passer by. To my wallet, I was lugging thousands of dollars of equipment. Were I to turn up at a posh restaurant, I would probably have looked out of place and rather shabby.

It is the same with the subtle self, that cannot be seen with physical eyes. It takes a certain amount of empathy and awareness to be able to spot what lies below the veneer of human likeness. How strange, then, that many are content to stare ceaselessly at that veneer, and deem it to be all there is to a person.

Housewife

What's wrong with being a housewife? Patriarchal society seems to have devalued domestic (women's) work so successfully that the very thought of a woman aspiring to be a housewife is...rather weird. The association of non-domestic work with "success" and ambition has led to scorn being reserved for such worthy aspirations as wanting to be a housewife.

If one considers being a mother and a housewife as unremarkable, unambitious work, one has clearly never considered where the population came from. It is the mothers who brought up the children, often in the absence of active involvement by the father. The houses need to be kept relatively neat for a safe environment that is disease-free. There is much that rests on the shoulders of a housewife.

Despite all this, I do not see awards or rewards for being a great housewife. Nothing noteworthy about finding a use for lemon juice on carpet stains. That much should be under the purview of the (likely male) chemists. Are you going to turn lemon juice into carpet cleaning fluid? It is this preoccupation with productive (money-earning) work that problematizes domestic work. After all, was it not patriarchy that decreed that the man support the house and the wife do domestic work without pay? Isn't the definition of slavery forced labour without pay?

Malthus Revisited

I've long suspected that Malthus was right, in that growth is likely unsustainable. I look at the fisheries and their massive hauls. I see the massive waste of fish that nobody will buy before it rots. I look at the supermarkets heaped to the ceilings with goods, and wonder at how much would be bought before the sell-by date.

The issue of unsustainability is not merely that of human needs growing faster than what the environment can provide. It is also a matter of massive inefficiency and the irrationality of human *wants*. Humans want more than they would likely ever need. In wanting money and to drive "progress", they rape the world's resources and overconsume what they steal. All this...to drive productivity of goods that people may never actually consume. How ironic that, in the pursuit of competitiveness, humans are succeeding at business and at killing themselves. They will not last very much longer. Of course, that is not the concern of the world. The world goes on.

Thou Thinkst Overly Much

I feel Asians think too much. With every action, there is an interesting preoccupation with "face" and what others would think about that action. Sometimes, it's even about having a thought. I mean, it's nice to be considerate of others' feelings but there's a line between paranoia and consideration.

I like the idea of thinking in terms of the self first. What one should first do is ensure that one can live with one's actions. If one's actions do not satisfy oneself, there is no point in trying to satisfy others while one is at it. I do not think there is meaning to exclusively pleasing others. What would concern me is that can those Asians think in terms of themselves as well as in relation to others? After all, they do seem to have a thing for balance and compromise. This would be a good thing to have, compromising between self-centeredness and being collectivistically satisfying.

Life's Puzzle

I feel like I'm living a puzzle. I have the pieces from here and there, but I have yet to find a way to put them all together. It is strange, since there is probably something coming that will call for my use of the full puzzle. A piece of learning here, a bit of lore there. I guess everything will come together with time.

Earning Game Money

It seems that economies based on money tend to go in certain ways. This can be seen in online games where players need to have money to buy stuff. Due to scarcity, some of the rarer and more desirable items will cost more. Of course, players would like to have that item. Often, those prices are so steep that no regular player would typically have that much money on them. What do they do? They wind up killing monsters to get money, or items that can be sold for money.

Strangely enough, that is precisely what many people are doing. Most people have real goods they wish to purchase, and go out there to earn money so they can purchase it. It's like farming for money, except in a non-game context.

Then some would ask why this is so, since playing games is fun and slaying monsters is not really work. Well...perhaps that is so for them. It would be like people getting paid for their hobbies. For most people, however? They do not work to gain skills (or "level up")...they're just repeatedly farming gold so they can buy the next best item...

I Forgot

Sometimes one can forget things. Sometimes those forgotten things can be once in a lifetime opportunities that cannot be regained. Ever wondered what that feels like? Strangely enough, when one actually manages to forget that, the pain does not hit immediately. I mean, if it's so important, it's quite unlikely that you'd forget in the first place.

Then comes the crunch, perhaps sometime in the distant future when you look back at what you've lost because of your forgetfulness. But for now? It's a sort of...non-feeling, and perhaps that of liberation. Knowing that even though an opportunity has passed you on, its passing allows you to pick and choose from others that you may ignore when you were busy clinging to the first. I forgot. And it doesn't hurt. Yet.

Double Standards

Humans love to establish double standards. The only thing they like more than establishing double standards would be to make them up to suit whatever they strongly believe. An example is human free will and sexuality. Nature? Nurture?

Clearly, humans have free will. They choose to believe it, anyway. They can make rational choices, and are obviously able to make hard choices at will. Humans are clearly not slaves to their urges. Even if a man is violent, the man can obviously choose to not hurt others. This is how free will comes in.

It all sounds very coherent until natureis considered. After all, it is the natural order of things for sexually reproducing species like humans to be heterosexual. How else do babies come along? Now, the only logical thing would be to follow these heterosexual urges and leave it at that. It is the natural thing, after all. Where did free will go? Suddenly, it becomes "right" to follow nature and thus free will becomes irrelevant in the face of this "right" sexual orientation.

Now, now...if people "choose" to turn gay, they obviously won't reproduce. Aren't all you Darwinians out there glad that nobody is sullying your gene pool?

Skill Spamming

From what I know, working in the "real world" is remarkably like skill spamming. That is, repeatedly using skills x, y and z over and over again, because work simply does not require you to use skills a through w very much. Strange, but true. They can teach you a thousand skills in school, yet only a few ever turn out to be really useful out there.

For me, it looks remarkably like someone trying to play an entire symphony with a limited range of notes. I do not think great symphonies should or would use a fraction of the musical scale to achieve its aims. Sure...maybe that would work for novelty pieces. But I think the truly great symphonies simply will not stoop to skill spamming...

Occult Symbols

There are many things written about the "real" use of occult symbols. Perhaps the pentacle is used to summon the devil, or that it represents the five prime elements. Whatever the symbol or its alleged use, it must be remembered that a symbol is what it is: A construct made by humans to represent something. The pentacle can mean whatever its user intends it to mean. As can an ankh, or the Star of David. What matters is the faith of the user. That very strong belief that the symbol can and will do what the user believes that it will. Therein lies the power of symbols.

Advertising Stress

Almost everyone knows that the models in adverts are unrealistic. That is, they simply do not represent average people in reality. In fact, the models as pictured in ads may not exist at all. Strangely enough, this knowledge does not seem to stop impressionable young minds from taking these unrealistic standards as the very picture of perfection that is to be striven towards.

It is probably a matter of the unattainable being the most desirable. Still, it is a terrible thing how people can believe visual media to the extent that they become distressed over not being able to be like these virtual goddesses and gods. Perhaps it is the impact of a photograph, and the implicit belief that photographs reflect reality. Cameras can, do and will continue to lie. It should be time that people wised up and quit believing what they know to be lies.

The Siege Mentality

There is a problem when things cause the siege mentality to emerge in people. Take for example a moving standard by which you are gauged. That standard moves by the quality of your peers. Ordinarily, that would not be an issue. It is fair, since you are evaluated in relation to your peers.

Now put this in the context of a job interview. 5 candidates, 1 opening. Clearly, something has to give. For the purposes of this discussion, the assumption would be that the 5 candidates all want the opening and are unwilling to cede it to anyone else. Naturally, the response would be to engage the siege mentality. That is, assume that everyone will do their best to get that job opening.

The act of fighting for the opening causes quality inflation. All 5 candidates will try to put their best foot forward to best one another. Now, assuming that there will be 1 candidate selected regardless their quality, the best thing for everyone to do would be to put in as little effort as it takes to get in. After all, if everyone is of uniformly poor quality, they would be equally matched as they would if they were all of uniformly excellent quality.

This does not happen, of course. Everyone strives for excellence, creating an artificial constant of stress. Yes, this would improve quality. However, quality at what cost? What will society become, given that it is driven by such ceaselessly shifting measures?

It's...Very Hard

Few things can be as intimidating as something that is said to be "very hard" to do. I worry less when someone tells me that something is impossible. It just means the person who told me that is entirely inept, or it's truly impossible to accomplish. Something "very hard" just pretty much throws it in my face that I would have to put in an incredible amount of effort over an extended period of time to achieve what I want to. Were it said to be impossible, I could just declare it bunk and go ahead to achieve it anyway. I'd get an ego boost in the bargain. Either that, or I could convince myself that it cannot be done, and put my legs up for the entire duration. But if it's very hard? Oh crap...People seldom exaggerate things that way. For some reason, that thing has a very good chance of turning out to be quite true.

What Ethics?

There can be few things as irritating as ethical people. No, not the sort that are against genocides and gender discrimination (those would be moral rather than ethical, I feel). I'm talking about those who just love to set up rules to bind themselves, just so they can fulfill some strange code of ethics that make sense only to themselves. I think it is horribly inefficient to come up with self-imposed restrictions that do not add value to the project at hand. I note this is especially common amongst those who read between the lines when it comes to instructions: If instruction A is there, it implies that it also requires B and C and D. For me, I'd much prefer to do things above and beyond the requirement in order to add value to everything that falls within the bounds of instruction A. I mean...who's against a bit of padding to make things look good...

Women's Money

Strangely, women being unable to earn as much as men has been taken as evidence that women should stay in the domestic sphere than as a clear injustice that must be dealt with. Female power has historicallybeen slipping at every turn in classic patriarchal societies. In the absence of apparent superior choices, it is inevitable that women choose a steady level of reduced rights than a slim chance of full rights as citizens. This could be due to a focus on the dominance of one sex over the other, than as the drive towards giving both sexes equal weightage.

I think complacency is perhaps the biggest threat to human rights in general. This is not only concerning women's money, but the rights to freedom of speech, expression and even common behaviour. When things are horribly oppressive, everyone starts coming up in arms against perceived injustices. Then someone bows to these demands, people feel comfortable and they start resting on their laurels. No wonder dictatorships can arise under the guise of democracy...

Housework

I hate housework. C'mon...someone tell me they actually like that. Housework is the precise thing that has practically zero productivity and seems to be self-regenerating. Anyone who says that housework can ever be finished either doesn't do housework, is lying or simply doesn't have anyone living in the house. My mere presence is enough to make kipple and housework appear out of nowhere. I tidy the room like mad, drop a book where it is convenient and I find myself seeding the growth of yet another horrible mess.

So the question would be...how much would I pay for someone to do my housework, if any? The answer is that I probably wouldn't. Well...that or minimum wage. Then again, if one considers that I would never want to work for a minimum wage, it is illogical to expect me to do housework professionally. What happens, then, to those poor domestic helpers and engineers? Clearly, they are under-appreciated! If anything, they should at least be paid a significant portion of the opportunity cost of working professionally. And don't get me started on childcare...

Governments, Not Mushrooms

Good, qualified governments do not pop up like mushrooms after continued rainfall. This seems to be the apparent belief of some people who think toppling an authoritarian regime by protests for democracy will automagically result in the formation of a new democratic government. In any country larger than a city, such an outcome is highly unlikely.

However, it must also be understood that the capacity of human endurance is incredible. In the absence of agents of change, a move towards more humane conditions for the citizens of a country can take centuries or even longer. History will attest to the propensity to the ability of humans to tolerate authoritarian regimes for hundreds or even thousands of years as long as their lives are afforded some modicum of peace and stability.

Still, it should be made clear that no amount of generalizing will help what goes on in the real world. This is not a matter of democratic, asian, western, authoritarian or any number of value systems and ideologies out there. In just about any modern government, the authorities hold significant power by virtue of their office, and it is as likely to be an "asian" value as it is a personal value.

I believe it is a personal value, given that claiming to represent christian or democratic or asian values is a gross oversimplification and is likely to be no more than subverting a categorical group's credibility as your own. An immense number of atrocities have been committed under the banner of higher morals or ideals.

So, when a situation emerges that requires a government to step up atop an existing one that is making the people in general suffer? It becomes a matter of whether the people feel they are suffering, which is not something that can be viewed under the lens of ideology. And when those people feel that they need a new leadership, it matters little how much pain and suffering will result. This will be a move for the future generations. Good governance simply does not pop up like a mushroom, allowing the current generation to enjoy its heady shade.

Those Crazy Monks!

I am so amazed and extremely proud of these monks. http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/F649F281-F993-41BD-AF9F-11C1552CCACB.htm Myanmar is probably one of the worst countries on earth to have a march like this, especially since they are moving for a change in the political regime. I think this is perhaps one of the best calculated and beautifully orchestrated pro-democracy event I've seen in a long time.

Myanmar is a largely Buddhist country, resulting in great respect for the monks. This means the monks already have popular support. Monks also have a reputation for non-violence. Were people like myself to march on the streets, the government could easily put us down as violent or potentially violent protesters. Unarmed monks? That would cause not only a huge uproar locally, but would also create an internationally recognizable human and civil rights violation.

There is also the shock value to such a move. Monks are perhaps not expected to be politically motivated. I personally did not think they had it in them. At worst, the Burmese government may label them as radicals and not monks since they have given up their religious inclinations in favour of political motivations. I don't think many would buy such an excuse, tho. Overall, I think their rallying call is powerful and the people finally do have a precedent for a movement against the oppressive leadership. It is my hope that others living under similar regimes all over the world to do likewise, should they feel that their leadership does more harm than good.

Eating What You Kill

This just reminds me about how far humans have been removed from nature and their food sources. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070916/hl_nm/locavore_dc. It is one thing to say that meat is just meat. The separation between meat and killing has made many humans rather callous about just how the meat comes about. What? Kill animals for food? That's just cruel. But thank goodness I get my meat from a supermarket.

I think it's sad when people say to me that they're thankful that they have someone else to kill the animals so they can have the meat. It's a certain sort of disconnect whereby the guilt is transferred to the butchers and there is no longer any sense of responsibility for the life that was sacrificed to bring meat to the table.

Still, all of this isn't nearly as bad as humans who kill for sport. That is hardly sporting, and really rather wasteful. I'm not saying that pests can't be killed to protect one's crops. It's just that one really shouldn't go around filling random animals with lead just for the heck of it, or just 'coz someone wants another stuffed head in the cabin.

Loneliness In The City

I cannot help but conclude that loneliness in urban environments is self-inflicted. Modern big cities have an incredible population density per square mile, with enough people within a stone's throw to completely invalidate any argument of "loneliness". Yes, you can hit at least a hundred people within a stone's throw, even if you throw like a girl.

What is it about cities that makes people feel lonely? There are millions of people rushing about at any one time, with apparently nobody feeling the urge to stop and chat. Does this imply that the lack of small talk with random people is what causes loneliness? I think small talk is perhaps one of the biggest time wasters in the social context. Yet if one feels sufficiently inclined to crawl out of the self-inflicted morass of loneliness, one only has to grab the neighbour on the train or bus and irk the poor fella with small talk. Loneliness in a crowd of thousands? I hardly think so.

Urban Machismo

Some things really make me pity urban men and their machismo. One of them would be the “macho” field trip. First, they try to be rough and tough, climbing (and thus conquering) tall mountains. Of course, this would have been particularly heroic (and quite foolhardy) if they were to go it alone and carry their equipment while they were at it.

The reality is quite different, though. Those macho, macho men will find themselves shrugging those incredibly heavy equipment off to sherpa "guides". I think perhaps those urban dwellers should realize that the guides are merely there to keep the men from hurting and/or embarrassing themselves. It's one thing to carry comparatively light equipment up a mountain while being decked out in all sorts of fancy mountaineering gear. It's quite something else to be able to trudge up the mountain in ordinary kit while carrying the tents and stuff of the urban dwellers. So...who's macho, again?

A Loss

I am slightly upset over losing a necklace today. Granted, it didn't cost me very much. However, I hate losing stuff and especially the only black cord accessory I have. Of course, this is also an excuse for me to go jewelery shopping. Still...if anything of mine decides to leave, I guess I'll have to respect its wishes. Even companions go away from time to time, I guess...

My Night Visitor

I managed to catch a glimpse of the night visitor as it decided to pose for me in midair. Those things are fast! Aaaanyway, the bat turned out to be a fruit bat, and not of the vampire variety. What a pity. I would've thought one of my friends decided to drop by. Still, this flying furball decided that the bananas we hung up near the window were yummy and good for her tummy, so we regularly had half-eaten bananas in our bunch.

I suppose I blinded the poor thing with my camera's flashes, seeing as how the bat was in a terrible panic, flying all over the apartment. Well...I can't help it if someone invades my sanctum, dear =p

Going Batty

It's especially interesting to have bats fluttering into your apartment...two nights in a row. I was watching TV this evening when the bat flew past me and then back out the kitchen window. Mom noticed, too, and told me that a bat did the exact same thing in the middle of last night, except it beat its wings against the window in an effort to get out. This would be odd, since my apartment also happens to be on the 12th floor, and bats aren't terribly inclined to get into my nice, dark, dank place. Oh wait...perhaps that's why...

Besides, that could've simply been one of my vampire friends, so I'm not about to complain. Perhaps they'd stop by for tea this time, or something.

As a side note, I felt something I didn't feel for some time: My animal side emerging some. It's just that time period where awareness is enhanced, every sense just seems to come alive, and suddenly being around humans becomes something alien. It's a bit like walking amongst potential threats, having to be on edge at all times. Interesting feel, that.

The Scope

Another piece of the puzzle: A scope for the E510. Its specs are nice enough. Actually, I was agonizing over whether to get this one, or the newer kit lens with the same focal length range. I settled on this after finding out that it had a full f-stop of aperture above and beyond that of the new kit. I later realized that it had a metal mount, weighed nearly twice as much and was Made In Japan. Now, I fully understand that products made in China can potentially be every bit as good as one made in Japan, but cost of production is higher there and overall I feel that I got better value for money with this item. I mean, it's new after all and what more can I want for my current budget (short of them risky second hand stuff).

I really needed a zoom because there are some things that I just can't reach with an 84mm lens. That's especially so if I'm trying to hit something that isn't right in front of me. There are just some things that are pretty necessary 'coz you'd lack the capabilities without them, and there are other things that are "nice to have". A macro lens would be nice-to-have, but hardly something a student with my pathetic skill level would really need. I feel that quality macro shots are really quite gimmicky, specialized and have requirements for equipment beyond what I have and would get on a student's budget. For near-essentials, the final thing I'd need is a proper flash unit. That is, when I exhaust the capabilities of the body flash. I suspect the body flash can be pushed beyond its current limits were I to fit it with a suitable diffuser or a reflector. Experimentation time.

Lost

Despite having a syllabus that looks positively kickass this semester, I feel strangely lost. Or perhaps it's a lack of drive. I'm not entirely sure. I think there's just so much I can do with my time, and no amount of work I do within the day can amount to what I expect of myself. I know this sounds silly, but the feeling was only reinforced when I missed a lecture today. It's like...I may not pay attention during the lecture, but I feel that I have achieved *something*. That something which I do not have when doing research for this and that. Time to buck up, strap myself in and be antisocial?

The Martian

I got myself a Martian...tripod, that is. The new tripod is a Velbon Ultra Luxi-F. I think it suits my purposes just fine. The tripod is light (1.38kg), folds down small enough to fit in my regular backpack, can extend to reach at least my eye level, highly flexible and is quite sturdy. Then again, my entire camera rig is only 500g and tripod is rated for 2kg so I presume it will hold up. Of course, it also cost me, and I've probably run out of cash for the month.

But of course, this is probably the only tripod I am willing to lug about. Frankly, I feel like a dumbass dragging a huge tripod around exclusively because I'm on a photo expedition. With a tripod that fits in my pack, I can basically go everywhere with it and deploy whenever I feel it's necessary to make a great shot.

I especially like the pan head, even though it is frowned upon by some photographers. I feel it is nice to be able to selectively swivel the camera while locking the tilt. Of course, since everything's so light, I can just lift the whole thing and sprint to the next location if I spot a good shot nearby. That's something I wouldn't do with a heavier, more cumbersome tripod.

Finally, I wound up forking out twice as much as I would for the Manfrotto 485. But then the deal-breakers for the 485 were that I heard the lever locks broke easily, flimsy-feel, not having the ability to work at low angles and the low height of the overall tripod. Moreover, it was rated for less weight than the Luxi. It was a pity, since I really loved the pistol grip adjustment ball head on the 485. Then again, that was a fixed head and I couldn't change it even if I wanted to. Basically, I was getting what I paid for. So here's hoping that it all works out =p

A New Accessory?

Ok, now that I have my E510, the first accessory I'd really need would be a tripod. I sorta have my eye on the Manfrotto 785 SHB. I know it's hardly the pro's choice and probably not the most durable of tripods, but I'm on a budget and intend to lug it along when I'm moving about. So yeah. Here's to a backpack tripod. heh. I should probably get a heavier pod for more serious work. But that's another concern for another day. I hardly have the lenses to justify the purchase, and I can hardly work with a tripod I'm not feeling willing to carry around.

A New Toy

Right. I settled on the Olympus E510 for my personal cam, that doubles up as a project making tool in school. So far, I think it's a pretty nifty device. I'm still getting used to the functions and settings on a dSLR, of course. But since I migrated from digi point-n-shoot cameras, it isn't that hard to figure out the non-manual controls. It's just a matter of adjusting the settings so that practically every shot turns out exactly as good as I intend it to look. This is essential, since the preview screen is hardly the best way to assess how a shot really looks.

Anyway, the features that sealed the deal included the image stabilizer, effective dust removal and the live view. Actually, I don't use the live view much, but it's nice to have grid lines for reference and leveling shots when hand-holding the camera. Not to mention stabilization helps with hand-holding, too. Well, the pics so far seem decent enough. I like the colors on the daylight shots. Now it's all up to me to learn the ins and outs of shooting in low light, overcast and indoor conditions.

On Guilt

I guess it’s a thing that many females get caught up in. Yanou, the weird guilt thing. As if everything’s somehow your fault, even when that does not make logical sense. Hell, it may not even be a real situation. I don’t know why people feel that way, and I’d probably brush such sentiments off were someone else to say the exact same thing to me. Anyway, the thing is that I just feel bad about spending my mother’s money. I suppose the feelings are a result of just wanting to avoid hurting mom in any way. I don’t know why I feel so protective of mom, but I do. For some reason, I subconsciously believe spending that money is also a way of hurting her. This is strange, since we’re not actually running short of money as a result of my actions. Moreover, I hardly think I’m splurging by purchasing things at inflated prices. Perhaps this is because of the absolute value of the expenditures? So much to learn, so little time.

The Myth Of The Impartial Journalist

It is common enough in handbooks on proper journalism that the ideal journalist must be neutral in her approach. Facts are facts, and should be presented in an objective manner. However, it is also impossible for a human raised in a human society to be perfectly objective. In fact, any sort of objectivity is quite impossible. After all, the facts are there for the journalist to analyze in any way she sees fit. There are also factors to consider, like the financial interests of the publication,
political pressures and even the personal biases of the journalists and her editors. Thus, the idea of a real impartial journalist can be far fetched indeed.

The Hijab And Freedom

In the Western media, it is common to see the Hijab, or Arabic dress that women wear, is portrayed as a symbol of female oppression. I used to have the same opinion, as forcing women to dress in a certain manner and thus conceal their bodies seems terribly patriarchal. It basically says that women cause men to sin, and thus women have to conceal their desirability to avoid leading men into sin. I really hate the way such an interpretation makes it seem that women are at fault for being desirable and thus lead men to do stupid things. It fails to take into account the weakness in men that only men can overcome, instead of semi-metaphorically sweeping the problem under a carpet.


After some time observing how other women lead their lives, I am beginning to wonder if there is some merit to the Hijab. In many non-Muslim countries, women are portrayed as free and pretty. They are liberated in acknowledging their sexuality and expressing it. This is the rosy interpretation of contemporary female fashion. It seems to be an improvement on how women had to wear skirts and dresses and keep their hair long back in the Victorian days. Women's rights and norms of behaviour are a separate issue here.

However, the same does not apply to just any woman. Not every woman feels the ability or compulsion to dress in a manner that enhances their appearance in a way that is similar to stereotypical models in a Hollywood ad. Some have bodies that hardly resemble that of any model. Others perhaps have no fashion sense whatsoever and are derided for dressing in an inappropriate manner. Simply put, these women are being oppressed by the contemporary norms of fashion in very much the same way the Hijab supposedly oppresses Arabic women.

In fact, the application of Hijab-style fashion is a powerful leveling instrument. It frees women to worry less about their appearances and dress sense, and more towards cultivating themselves as females. Self-actualization becomes possible without reference to the context of fashion or beauty as popular culture portrays it. There will be fewer concerns about whether my butt looks fat today, or whether that dress fits me well.

Of course, such an ideal situation would only be possible through universal acceptance of the Hijab itself and what it represents. Surely some shapelier women will bemoan the plainness of the Hijab preventing them from using their inborn feminine beauty to help personal relations. Seduction is, after all, a natural advantage that some women have raised to an art form. There will also be those who scream about men oppressing women all over again. Or perhaps the apparent uniformity of the dress.

I think the issue here is not so much about freedom, as there are many ways to freedom. I would not feel free in a prison, though an impoverished citizen unable to secure regular meals and in constant danger on the streets may actually feel liberated through incarceration. The issue is the startling imbalance in the application of the Hijab, with men blaming women for being seductresses and imposing the restrictions on them, yet not imposing the same on themselves. After all, are not particularly beautiful men in danger of seducing women, leading them to sin?

Letraset Vs Schmincke

Right. This is more of a reminder to myself than anything else. I'm currently using two types of fixatives on my inkjet prints. (Un?)fortunately, I'm using gloss paper. Anyway, Letraset killed my gloss. I'm not sure exactly what solvent it is that did the trick (there's no ingredients list on the can), but now I have a nice matt finish on my piece. Schmincke's is alcohol-based, but preserved most of the glossy look after a light coat. And that's even though Schmincke's doesn't claim to be a gloss spray (most are matt by default). Hence...Schmincke. Remember that, Fenris.

On Rings And Faith

The sequence of encountering things can make a huge impact on how you perceive them. I, for one, have played the game Dreamfall before I watched the movie The Ring. (Yes, Ragnar, I think I know where Faith came from... =p) The incredible resemblance between Faith and Samara made me half-expect Samara to turn to the screen and ask me to find and save April Ryan. In fact, the feelings (pity, sadness) I had for Faith colored my expectations so much so that I did not feel any fear when Samara showed up. Of course, the ending to The Ring was significantly different from the ending to Dreamfall, and that's where the similarities fell apart.

Still, I cannot help but see the parallels between these two characters. Both are young girls, abused and ostracized in some way, subjected to experiments/scrutiny and ultimately died. It's a sad, lonely sort of death. Most interestingly, both girls caused some sort of chaos, death and destruction after they supposedly died, yet maintained a presence in the living world. Yes, lingering dead things aren't really that funny =p

You're Not My Hero

I do not have heroes, apart from myself. Yeah, I know that sounds egotistical. Still, heroes are typically not-me people. I do not see why people would want to grow up to be exactly like not-them people. Sure, one can admire a particular attribute of someone else, such as courage under fire, grace in anger or maybe even simple politeness. I hardly think one has to shape oneself into a virtual clone of someone else just to attain those attributes. I'm sure it isn't a healthy prospect as the probability of success would be low in this case. The failure to attain clone-status would also be potentially devastating on one's self-esteem. Anyway, so there. You're NOT my hero. I am, because I live my own life.

Pandas And The Human Breeding Program

Even pandas are being victimized by the humans' psychologically-inbred ideas of how sexes should go. It never ceases to amaze me how humans can rigidly attempt to force even their own intersexed young into the two sexual categories that they came up with. In the case of pandas, it seems radical, but perhaps is important for the survival of the pandas since they are an endangered species. Already, this was done (presumably =p) without the consent of the panda concerned.

This reminds me of what's being done to children who are born intersexed. While it may not be socially necessary for pandas to have sexually-congruent bits, this is a major issue for the children. Well-meaning parents and medical professionals may want to "correct" something to allow the children to lead "normal" lives. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a problem if the child is accepting of her/his lot.

However, there are also the issues of ethics and the child's opinion. For one, it is the decision of parents regarding their children's lives, with complete and total disregard for their opinions. In fact, it has traditionally been accepted that parents can make decisions for their children until such time that the children have reached the age of reason. I'm not so sure that it is acceptable to make such irreversible decisions on the behalf of the children, though. Being raised cross-gendered is one thing. Being surgically altered to be cross-gendered is something else.

Quit Sabotaging Yourself

It is not always that one understands what one truly feels. These unacknowledged feelings wind up somewhere in the subconscious, just waiting to trip one up. A fine example of this is when one finds oneself mysteriously sabotaging what one is trying to achieve. Like repeatedly saying stupid things at an interview, for example. Ordinarily, this should trigger some soul-searching when one is mysteriously setting oneself up for failure. However, sometimes it doesn't, which becomes problematic when the subconscious unwillingness to engage in an activity leads to a spreading internalized feeling of being an overall failure. Hence, be aware of this, and quit sabotaging yourself!

Pain Of Existence

People do not live in a vacuum. People have different ideas and beliefs. Yet it is bizarre how people within the same belief systems can actually have such strong, violent reactions against the out-groups. There are those who preach mercy yet refuse to come to the aid of those they disagree with, even though they are overtly marching under the same banner. It is understandable if those come from an entirely different background and induce irrational xenophobia in the paranoid bunch. What is unpardonable is that they would turn upon one another like ravening dogs should they disagree on a single point. (Pardon my lack of an equivalent metaphor, my canine friends)

Such is the pain of existence: The existence of others is a pain. Yet it is so that many try to declare themselves able to tolerate the existence of others...so long as nobody thinks any differently. So much for thinly veiled hypocrisy.

Moby

There are times when I feel like a whale. That is, I wander aimlessly about, wind up beached somewhere and then require people to bail my blubber from the sand. I suppose if there is indeed a leading force around, that force would feel that I'm this horrible blind slow-learner that needs to be dragged about. Otherwise, I'd just walk in circles in that endless wilderness...

Reality's Rainbow

What are the higher planes of existence? I don't mean physically up in outer space. Granted, it's a big reality out there and there's probably lots to explore. I'm really talking about the ones that exist just next door that we walk clean through most of the time. Some call it heaven, paradise, elysian fields and many more. All I can say is...those things aren't really "up there". Sometimes, there are cracks in reality that are readily perceptible. A shimmer here, something that shouldn't be there but is, and all those random quirks of reality that most do not pay attention to. Perhaps there are cracks forming in the veil that hides the mysteries. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but when a wall seems to fade into nothingness for that split second, reality's rainbow shows itself.

The Blessed And The Unfortunate

The blessed walk among us, and we don’t realize it. Sometimes life can seem so gawdawful, yet there are people who also have it hard in different ways. Worst of all are those who are under the heels of others, without anyone else knowing. Thinking of the "unfortunates" will perhaps conjure up images of orphans, people with handicaps, the poor and other "unfortunate" people. However, few ever think of those otherwise physically normal who are ostracized from society. Few ever consider the lower wage earners who are barely able to survive despite earning their less-than-minimum wage.

Also, there are those who seem more privileged than anyone has a right to be. People who are too pretty for their own good, too rich to comprehend or perhaps having descendants reaching from shore to shore. Nobody ever seems to stop to consider if they are truly happy, on the whole, with their lives.

Of course, there are also those blessed in life. Perhaps they are rich, poor, pretty or ugly. But what they have in common is being at peace with who they are, and what they have. Ironically enough, some of them may well be in the category of "unfortunates" for most people.

Irrational Laws

If I set a law upon you which is clearly irrational, what am I asking? Am I being oppressive and demanding that people follow my rules merely because I said so? Or am I giving people the opportunity to exercise their minds and come up with some way to obey my laws while not making life unbearable for themselves? Clearly, irrational laws cannot be given to people who merely ask for the reason for the laws with an intention to break them if they seem irrational for any reason. These laws also cannot be given to a people who are incapable of rational thought and will thus strangle themselves upon them.

Spider Pig

Spider pig, spider pig. Does whatever a spider pig does.

Now that's one line that will haunt me for sometime. As expected, the Simpsons Movie was every bit as funny as the TV series was meant to be. I do like the cheeky way in which they made references to IP rights while jabbing at how people are suckered into paying for content that would otherwise be available at no extra cost. The Simpsons has consistently been a mirror of sorts through which we see our own twisted society. I say it does a bang up job about it!

Moreover, it's noteworthy that they managed to incorporate a family theme into the movie, albeit in classic dysfunctional Simpsonian fashion. Nothing like the spectre of environmental devastation and destruction of Springfield to bring the Simpsons back together.