Back From Vacation

Right, back from vacation and I guess I'll be putting some backdated posts up when I finally go thro0ugh the gazillion pics I've taken there. Anyhoo, just finished Company of Heroes. Just another of those WWII games, set in RTS for a change. Frankly, I wonder why people just wana relive that horrible stretch over and over again.

Selfishness And Selflessness

There is a tension between selfishness and selflessness. The very act of following rules is a selfless act, submitting to the will (presumably) of the people around you. It can get irritating when you do have to follow those rules, yet it is also irritating when someone does not and winds up offending or adversely affecting you. I suppose it's the self-centred thinking that gets people this way. Someone else just has to be selfless so I can be selfish.

Then again, why must selfishness be taken as a bad thing. There should not be anything wrong with caring only for oneself, when most people do that. After all, pure collectivism is regarded with quite some hostility. I guess humans will just never be satisfied.

The Nose Knows

Melons do not typically foam and ooze fluids. This one does. While I was visiting the kitchen, I wondered why the air smelled especially foul. The sweaty scent of decay, really. I thought it was some leftover food, but it didn't seem to come from the dining table. Anyway, I followed my nose, and then I heard a weird wet-sounding hiss. By the gods, the melon was quietly and merrily decaying in my kitchen! Anyway, here's a pic as a keepsake, and a reminder to mind your melons.

Strange Warrior

I am a strange warrior. There are times when I live in blood and chaos, demanding to be bombarded with endless complications, trials and tribulations to vanquish. And indeed I do, when they come. Yet there are times when I wonder and long for peace and a straight road. Still, what bugs me most is that the outcome of even the victories are never perfect enough. Even the best laid plans fall apart on the field, and yet I persist on insisting on perfection. These can only be the desires of a strange warrior, or a mad one.

The Chalice

A chalice lies empty,
A hole at its base.
Never to be filled,
Hollow, unrealized grace.

Though gatekeeper permit,
No keymaster may pass.
The sealed dawn's lips,
A shadowed, sealed lass.

No fresh blood of spring,
Nor vibrancy of summer.
Only a lingering autumn,
To an eternal winter.

Potting In Plastic

I'm doing what they learned in high school: Potting things in waste plastic. Yeah, so I cut off some of my candy containers and filled them with sterilized organic fertilizer, put a bit of water in them and all that. They're currently sitting on my window sill, which is the sunniest place I've got around here anyway. The initial experiment was successful, and I had a very healthy strand of wheat grass growing in my sill pot whilst an entire crop perished from lack of sunlight in a larger pot.

Currently experimenting with mint and chives. Hope those things like my window!

Spidey...3!

I watched Spiderman 3 on the big screen yesterday. What can I say? It's Spidey! Then again, I think the pacing of the movie was rather bad. I do agree with my friend that the show seemed draggy. However, that was probably due to the contrast between the fast early action scenes, the long lull in-between and then another build up to another burst of action leading to the climax. I guess it just doesn't flow well. Moreover, there were some plot holes that depended on the audience's knowledge of the backstory, some of the characters were well...out of charater. My major gripe would be that they dwelt way too much on the sordid details of the breakup with MJ.

However, for an average movie that has the usual bit of eye candy and lots of action, I suppose it's fulfilled its purpose. There's the lingering feeling of the movie trying to do too much in too little time. I mean, it's a number of issues (in comic terms) to cover Goblin, Sandman, Venom AND the MJ breakup. I suppose it's understandable that the film feels like a bit too much of a jack of all trades.

Guys And Love

Right, this might be a generalization, but I figure I just had to get it off my back sometime. Tweener would understand. While I was watching Spiderman 3, the guys in the cinema were laughing out loud at the death scenes. Then when we got down to the scene where Osborne's butler said something like "I loved your father", the guys laughed out loud again, my guy friend included.

It's sorta funny to observe, how guys react to the word "love". When a guy says it to another guy, it's automagically a gay thing. But gals are immune to that, thank goodness. Makes one think just how crappy it'd be to be a guy, whot, with love being such a distant thing.

Living The Dead

Here's a video link about people, apparently civilians, getting gunned down at a military checkpoint. The rocket at the end seems a wee bit excessive, and poorly aimed.

Some people get upset when others die. Others don't. The reality is that they don't really care about the fact that the people died, but that there would be grieving relatives. After all, nobody really gives a hoot after they're gone. Or maybe my opinion's just colored by the fact that I don't value my life overly much and feel that everyone else should feel relief when removed from this dirtball.

Still, I think the grieving is left to the living. I don't think dead people mourn much. I mean if they're immortal they'd just watch their loved ones live and then go belly up just to join them. If they go to some sort of hell they'd be too busy suffering. And if they wind up disspating I doubt they're in a position to care anyway. So who's left? Just the bunch of living people thinking that it's a horrible tragedy that someone's gone. Well that, or there's sympathy for the people who have lost loved ones.

Anyway, I think the only real issue here is the ready use of excessive force and the apparent joy of being able to use it. I really couldn't care less if everyone died one day. But I'd care a whole lot if a bunny got tortured to death by some sick human just because he felt like it.

Progress And Carbon

So you wish to save the world. Sure, we could reduce carbon output and *prevent* global warming. You know, the global warming that's already out there. It's nasty, just in case anyone's wondering. Then again, nobody's really dying from it. I mean, dying in the hundreds of millions. There's no reason to panic, precisely because it isn't a disaster yet. In fact, nobody would do anything about it until it becomes a right and proper disaster, with irreversible effects.

So...what keeps everyone from doing something about anything? Probably progress. The newly industrialized countries need their carbon. In fact, they'd need more carbon in the near future. But then the developed countries need their carbon, too. They suck electricity like...well...you know. They can soak the losses, but they won't. Doing so would mean *economic* disaster for them. The sort that allows developing and newly industrialized countries to catch up and possibly become viable competitors. We do not want competition. Carbon pumps will stay.

It Works!

Well, actually, it endures. My computer used to have this weird problem whereby it would absolutely clog up within 3 days, and no program would load. I would be unable to so much as save an existing document. I figure now that it's because of a memory leak in some program. After uninstalling a whole bunch of stuff on a whim (including a legacy scanner driver and scanner program), my computer has passed its 7th day of operation and is still going strong. Seems like a fairly good indication that things have taken a turn for the better.

Arty Inks

I was feeling arty today, so I headed down to the art market. I bought myself a Nakabayashi NRC-A4 trimmer. It would help with my upcoming photo projects. I also got myself a set of waterproof pigment inks (3rd party) for my old printer. I am frankly rather impressed at the quality of modern 3rd party inks. Of course, I wouldn't trust them for fine art (I have a printer just for that), but they would do fine for schoolwork or other brute force printing. Oh, and I now have a set of sprays that will help keep my archival prints safe from sticky fingers, long nails and just about everything that commonly afflicts my pieces.

Ok so I was in a shopping mood. I think just maybe I spent a wee bit too much. But I do tell myself that these are durables and I won't be buying these things again anytime soon. I hope.

Intimacy And Separation

Sometimes, one can read another's blog and feel that one knows the blogger so well. It is a form of intimacy because of the way the blogger's life story plays out and how every update feels like a one-sided confessional. But after being so used to the blogger's presence, it can feel like a sort of breakup when the blogger eventually stops writing and the blog ceases to be accessible. It's like a friend of a couple years just decided to stop speaking to you. I'm sure the blogger will not feel the same way about it, since the blogger doesn't even personally know most of the readers!

Race And Gun Violence

Sometimes, few people realize how much of a blanket term "asian" can be. Say "asian", and I think of people from the far east. They could be indian, korean, japanese or even iranian. I mean, the term refers to just about everyone from the asian subcontinent, including Russians! It is a huge place by the traditional definition. Even the Persians (now Iranians) from the movie 300 are actually asian.

So in light of the recent school massacre, one may be led to believe that people of the mongoloid races like chinese and japanese are pretty much all there is to being asian. Still, it is interesting that nobody seems to really regard indian as asian.

This makes for an interesting scenario. Would those of the mongoloid races be defending themselves against potential backlash from this tragedy, or would asians in general be worried about what may happen?

In fact, why would a particular race or ethnic category be worried about being blamed, associated or become the victim of a hate crime as a result of what another member of that group did? This merely spreads the crime of one person to a crime that involves an entire subsection of humanity. Sure, you can wipe out every member of a race that committed murder before. But then what if the murders persist? No humans, no problem. Still, prevention is better than cure. And I suppose nobody's really willing to cure the problem of humanity.

So this begs the question: How would we prevent these massacres in the future? Some suggest that the *citizens* be disarmed. This is all well and good, and is a great opportunity for the armed "authorities" to simply stomp all over the poor unarmed peasants and readily exert their authority at every turn.

I think it is far better to abolish guns altogether, if people are so horrified by gun crimes. After all, wars are merely gun violence at a national level.

Reduce gun-related deaths? Sure. Stop glamorizing guns and their usage in the popular media. Quit making gunfire synonymous with "patriotism". There seems to be little honour in going to a foreign land to shoot people just because someone said so, or you're hired to do so. It makes one little different from a hired assassin. The same applies to violence sponsored by any other "cause" and with any other weapon. I can kill with a club just as I can kill with a gun, after all.

I somehow doubt the contemporary bunch would find that solution particularly acceptable. Then again, one simply can't have the cake and eat it. Gun violence can never be eradicated unless people simply no longer have guns.

Machiavellism

I witnessed the finest example of machiavellism since a long time back. Well, naturally, it'd be far too upfront of me to introduce the players in this game. But anyway, it was a nice bit of office politics. As usual, someone was being irritating and showing favouritism left and right. Let's call this irritant A. A was favouring B and that resulted in B getting a rather great appraisal. Unfortunately, C did not. After offending D too many times, D decided to reveal C's situation to A. Let the wars...begin...

On Crossdressers And Gunmen

Clearly, crossdressers are more alarming than gunmen. Or maybe it's because of the recent tragic shooting of children in school that people start becoming paranoid about crossdressers. Refer to this article. I mean sure it's nice that people can be vigilant about potential threats, but I'd think hearing gunfire is a wee bit more threatening than seeing someone crossdressing near a school. Ok or maybe my judgement is skewed by video games and thus I feel gunshots are more threatening than transvestites. Still, this highlights a very real danger in society: Terrorists simply do not look/dress like terrorists most of the time. I seriously doubt the Korean fella would appear to be dangerous to the casual onlooker. Perhaps it is time people learned to look beyond bags with the word "bomb" glowing hot pink from it dazzling neon lights?

The Printer Obsession

Ever since I got my new printer, I've been obsessing over printers. It's not that my printer isn't as close to perfect as I can get at the price. It's just that I know the operating costs of this thing is monstrous, yet I am unwilling to risk my beast's life by feeding it cheap inks. The solution: Get a cheaper beast for the lesser work. heh. Feels strange, but it's economical given that even the cheap inks come at a price, and that price isn't very much higher than that of a laser printer for schoolwork. Basically, my gripe is that, while the prints coming out of my printer are downright gorgeous, they run for the hills once they get wet. That is seriously bad given that my homework can get wet, runny and downright unreadable. And my notes never have to be in color anyway.

I saw this medium-format printer (Canon S9000) at a second hand store. It could print A3 and above. Not that I'd actually need one of those things. Still, it's a cool thing to be able to print A3 at home. But it's delicate electronics at a second hand store. Sure, it may work when I try it out, but there's no telling how long it'd hold out. I anticipate it would have encountered lots of wear and tear at the hands of the previous owner. Not the best combination for
reliable use.

Behold, The Less Fortunate

Sometimes we just think that life is crap. Frankly, it is. The key to contentment seems to be lower expectations. Still haven't figured a better way. Anyway, I was at a bus stop yesterday and met a girl. She was probably around my age, but she was deformed. I do not know her affliction, but she clearly had a speech impediment of some sort. She was unable to speak properly, and could only exclaim with sounds akin to what an animal would make. Yet she was clearly not retarded, as she could express that she did not wish to grow fat when I noted she was looking at my sweets and I offered some. Moreover, she knew what my cellphone was, and indicated that her own unit was of the same brand. Most interestingly, she could read what was on it, and understood that there was a function that could transfer files from hers to mine. Unfortunately, my phone did not have that function: Infrared.

There are times when I totally feel like crap. I still do. But when I look around, I find that there are many people who are obviously taking crap, and others who are taking crap on their personal lives and not showing it. I don't feel any better knowing that there are people out there who are more imperfect than I am. That would be taking joy in knowing their greater misfortune (by my gauge). I would rather feel that there is always imperfection, that can be improved as far as it can get given our limited abilities. That is not to say that I would authorize people to stay downtrodden when they were born that way. It's merely a sign of laziness to not try to make the most of what you've got.

The Printer Enterprise

This is the first all-in-one printer I've bought. It's the Epson Stylus Photo RX510. If you ask me, it may as well be the Starship Enterprise...or Printer Enterprise. Seriously, this is an oversized piece of hardware. I've never encountered a printer this big, and one would expect something this size to actually pack a fax. My biggest gripe at the moment is that the ink isn't waterproof. One would expect that such fairly high-end photo printers would have waterproofed inks. Apparently not.

Anyway, it's overall a spiffy thing, especially since I would usually expect to pay significantly more for something with these specs. Well, I guess it's a rather old model to be purchasing considering that it's already 2007, but hey it's all for schoolwork. And...maybe a spot of design and all that. I'm not a print/photo professional after all. I figure it's a good buy even though I'd be paying out my nose when I do reload this thing. The only viable alternative would be to get one of those unsightly and possibly messy ink replacement systems that cost a fraction of the price, but won't guarantee print quality.

Life Isn't Worth Living

I’m traumatized. I’m traumatized by what some people can be born with. It’s one thing to be apparently something that you’re not. It’s even worse when that something you’re not is determined by your genes. Genes that pump poisons through your body without your knowing. All this really makes one wonder at the extent to which one truly has free will, if such a thing exists at all. To me, it’s a false hope at best, given that no amount of free will can change what one was born as or born with.

Only in Japan...

http://www.globalaging.org/health/world/toilet.htm

All the talk of toilets in lectures. How about this, eh? In Japan, toilets aren't just toilets anymore. They're *smart* toilets. Anyway, just inspired by the scheduling of the heating and cooling of the toilet at fixed times of the day. Sorta like programming a bot to do stuff at fixed times, non?

300 Elysians

Yes, I have watched 300. 300 half-naked men with big shields, thick spears. 300 men *dying*. That's what counts, methinks. It can't be a good war movie if people didn't die in it. If I were to watch the movie as a movie-goer, I'd say that the story was mediocre at best. After all, the idea of brave men fighting valiantly, being betrayed, getting killed and all is really rather overdone. Blood and gore does not make a movie greater than it would be were there a storyline with more depth. However, I am watching the movie as a reader of the graphic novel from which it was adapted. as an adaptation, I'd say that the movie was excellent. Sure, they rearranged the storyline some. But then again, the graphic novel would look downright disjointed in movie form. There is no rewind for movies, after all.

I may have liked the action, but I sure did not appreciate the tactics the Spartans were using on screen. I missed watching them fighting in neat formations, their allies coming to their aid and the use of the great wall of enemy bodies they made. I personally find it silly to build a huge wall of bodies, push it over one enemy, then clamber over the entire pile just to get at the enemy. Total waste of effort.

Wheat Grass In A Pot

It's not so bad being barren. See? I'm growing wheat grass in a pot. It's pretty unsightly having empty flower pots dangling around, so I figured I'd get a pack of seeds to plant in that empty, empty pot. The neighbours aren't exactly nice, so I didn't think it particularly wise to grow anything that looks pretty to the common folk. I mean, grass is pretty, but most people won't appreciate that. They're also more likely to destroy colorful flowers out of spite instead of plain-looking grass.

Anyway, I got a pack of seeds, soaked them overnight and then planted them. If anyone believed that wheat grass was a weed, they're darned right. Only weeds can grow that fast. Within hours, I could actually see the sprouts poking out of the ground, growing like 2 inches in a single day. That's pretty nifty. I never really believed in dried seeds, after all. They almost never sprouted. Currently got an experimental pot with a few strands of grass sprouting from it. I sorta hope they start producing little wheat grass seeds sometime. It's the sort of thing that makes one feel motherly: Nurturing a little living thing, watching it grow up and have offspring and all that.

That's How The World Works

I find it strange that people like to act all resigned after (not) whining about having to conform. When some start whining about how the world works, it's common to the get the canned response to the effect of "That's how the world works, and no amount of whining will change that." News flash: Whining does get things done. But that whining must be paired with action.

More often than not, I'd see some frustration, then a flash of rebelliousness. Someone will get tired of The System, raise a fairly private hue and cry, then get back to safe old conformity. Yes. Whining won't help because even those who whine end up going back to conforming.

The world won't do a 180 for just a single person who refuses to conform. However, just as everyone's actions contribute to pollution, everyone can do their part to not-conform if they seriously want changes.

You Need Help

You know you're in trouble when you start believing that you "need help". Most societies are great equalizers. Nobody's really "special" because someone will feel unhappy when there are people more special than they are. Probably a human thing. But even a "human" thing can go too far. It's absurd, the lengths to which some may need social validation to be who they are. Yes, one may not live in a vacuum and needs some degree of social contact for a healthy psyche. However, if one decides to stand alone and say "I am myself", many will not be content to leave it at that, but will "helpfully" chip in to point out that everyone *needs* other people and so on. Hence, self-validation is not terribly valid if nobody else agrees to it. For example, saying "I am smart" does not mean much if everyone else just believes you're ordinary, or even stupid. (I bet some would believe "I am smart" is a stupid thing to say in the first place). It would be wonderful if one could just do that, mean it, believe it and not be bothered when gangs of painfully mediocre humans start sneering stupidly and snidely declaring that you're not really that smart. If ye ask me, I'd say those are the people who need help.

Fly Agaric And You

Why is there a timer in the Super Mario games? Well...sometimes people pop some fly agaric, get high and slip into Super Mario Land for a short stretch of time. Once the stuff passes out of the system, poor Mario slips out of Super Mario Land. Yes, that's exactly why he looks startled and promptly jumps off the screen. No, eating mushrooms in-game won't work, precisely because none of that is actually real. It's like this super long dream where you keep realizing that the princess is in another castle, and some highs last long enough that you actually do get to save the princess. Otherwise, it just becomes another bad trip, and Mario wakes up feeling a tad nasty. Poor guy.

Are You Crazy?

Sometimes, madmen see (or claim to see) things that nobody else can. It's all well and good if you see things that toss pots and pans around your house. People can relate to that kinda thing. It's not quite so good if you see some great being that causes hurricanes sometimes, but not always. You can't tell people for sure that the hurricane will come. And then people figure that since there's no regularity or certainty to those perceptions, you just have to be mad. Or is it that the entire world's mad because they refuse to see what's so big and obvious?

Interestingly enough, human perceptions are limited to what they can sense and what they can understand. Nobody really knows or cares why toast falls buttered-side down. It just is. If someone told them that there's an invisible ghoul that does it, they'd probably think it's hogwash. Nobody's ever seen a ghoul out of Hollywood. However, if someone tells them that something insubstantial like "Luck" did it, a goodly number would believe that someone. That's probably why diseases were always blamed on witches. There are times when people have bouts of sanity and realize that there are those who walk amongst them who can do things that they never thought possible.

An Epic Waste Of Time And Money

Yes, Epic Movie was a total waste. Sometimes, it feels like I'm watching a movie made by teenage boys. The jokes really have that much finesse. Sure, I'd laugh at some moments, but it's mostly low-grade slapstick stuff. I never thought that I'd give a negative rating, but if there's a movie that deserves it, it's the Epic Movie. For one, who would've thought that a movie would look like it was cobbled together in a garage somewhere? I mean stunt doubles can appear on screen for comic relief, but only if it's obvious to the audience that it's meant as a joke. Otherwise, it's just an indication of the lack of care that the producers are putting into producing this flick. Seriously, I would tire my fingers trying to list every single thing I think is bad about this show, and I'd basically be narrating the entire movie. Maybe it really was made by a bunch of teenage boys in a garage. Bite me.

The Death Of Cap

It is strangely apt, the timing of the death of Captain America. Sure, fans will hate it. It is terrible that a symbol of American patriotism has died. However, does the real thing still exist? Can a symbol exist independent of the reality that spawned it? Captain America was a true blue, red and white stars and stripes hero. He came around as the result of a super soldier project to defend his country against its enemies. He has been put on ice, abused and finally killed.

Perhaps something has died. Perhaps some of the freedom that Cap represented, that he fought for, has died. After all, times change and things pass on. In this modern day and age, people take their freedom for granted. A stars and stripes patriot has no place in the era of political finesse
, where might does not make right, and where policies are best thought up by the leaders than garnered from the opinions of the people. He certainly has no place here anymore. Rest in peace, Captain America.

Chasing The Company

I have submitted an application towards joining a major game company on internship. Here goes, for days of serving up coffee, mopping up spills and possibly doing nothing related to game making. It always seems that interns get all the weird stuff that no regular staff ever gets to handle. Then again, if one pays attention, one can learn stuff that no part-timer staff will ever get to learn. Besides, having worked for a major game company gives one a certain measure of bragging rights. I worked at XXX Game Company before! Sure beats trying to convince people that a stint at Unheard Of Co. is even worth noting. At the very least, I could get staff discounts on the games they publish. =p

Patriarchy And Oppression

As it's been written before, I'm inclined to believe that there is a link between patriarchy and oppression. And this oppression applies to both sexes. For some reason, matriarchal societies seem more tolerant of non-conformity to established gender norms. That would, I believe, put men in a better position than they are in now: Struggling to put themselves squarely within the subtle demarcation that keeps their "normal" label safe. I don't know how others feel, but it does seem rather sad that something as simple as asking for directions can be viewed as something "unmanly".

Violence is another major issue that seems to be associated with men in patriarchal societies. I personally believe this is somehow related to the violent conquering cultures that were patriarchal. For Darwinian reasons, the "softer", intellectual cultures were either overtaken by tyrants or overrun by tyrants. Not a terribly good way to go, but I guess it's the law of the jungle. Might doesn't make things right, however. It would be nice, though, if people were to discover their gentler sides and cease thinking that only hard ways are truly effective.

Constructs As Law

Humans regard many things as law. Many of those things are social constructs. In fact, many "procedures" are social constructs. By that logic, judges are absolutely forbidden to laugh and joke in court. Obviously, people who are capable of showing humor in serious situations cannot be taken seriously. Their judgement is clearly impaired and they should not be placed in positions of power. We are not permitted to laugh at the dead and kick their rotting meat around because they used to be living, breathing people.

Much of it doesn't make sense. Social niceties like politeness can escalate to violence when people do not adhere to modes of polite conduct. People turn illogical once their nicely laid out and perfectly irrational expectations are not met. At best, they can attribute an initial slight to the fact that the person is a child, new or foreign. However, they expect people to change to suit them. How unusual.

Life Is Fragile

It's strange. There was this neighbour who sorta grew up with me. He was around my age, grew older, got a girlfriend and died in a motorcycle accident. When large numbers of people die over time, they become a statistic. There are so many traffic accidents that we occasionally forget that it's people who're dying in the accidents. Well anyway, another one bites the dust. I guess I feel more about friends and acquaintances that die 'coz they're people and not titles. First uncle died. Another uncle died. But people didn't die there. They were just "uncles" and stuff. But if the person's related in another way, perhaps as "friend", things are different. There's a personal stake in whether the person exists or just fades away. That's that.

Nature, Nurture And Criminals

A psychologist said that humans were 100% nature, and 100% nurture. That is, it is impossible to separate nature from nurture in humans as the two are so closely intertwined as to be inseparable. However, there is a widespread belief that there are inviolate "essential" behaviours in people that are not modified by nurture.

"Once a thief, always a thief" would be one of them. If someone were found to have the propensity to steal, no amount of reformation anywhere would change that. Yet there is the allegation that people "can change" and there is a fear that religious indoctrination can change peoples' essential natures.

All this just seems to be a judgement of convenience. It is easier to say that a criminal is always capable of criminal acts than it is to say that I just don't like him 'coz he stole money before. Doing so would appeal to peoples' "common sense" that some things are inbred and cannot be changed. Of course, such "inbred" behaviours can be changed by negative things like violent extremist religious indoctrination.

If this internalized belief of many people were to be lent any weight, it can be surmised that it is the essential nature of people to be evil or violent or destructive. That's because even "good" people are believed to be able to become corrupted criminals, yet "bad" people will never turn over a new leaf.

Symbolism And Idolatry

Humans live by symbolism. Lines on the ground can mold peoples' journeys as they try to stay within the lines or perhaps on the lines. Religion is rife with symbolism. Christians frown on idolatry, believing that people bowing to graven statues to be worshipping false gods. Of course, not everyone believes that their lumps of stone would actually do things to change the world. However, what of christians who bow to their crosses?

After all, crosses are just symbols, representing the sacrifice, etc etc. Surely the act of bowing to them would not count as worship. Interesting, since that's what "idol worshippers" do. Surely bringing monetary sacrifices before a cross is not an offering to it. Strange, since that's where idol worshippers burn their incense: Before an idol, often at an altar. And of course, surely nobody prays *to* the cross... Sometimes I wonder if christians take the cross as a conduit to their God. Sort of praying *through* the cross, perhaps using it as a megaphone of sorts.

It is difficult to tell what goes through peoples' minds when they pray. Are they praying to their God, praying through an image to their God, or just praying to the image? I suppose they'd deny praying to images, given the stigma attached to that act. Still, when does one cross the line from symbolism to idolatry?

Bad Impressions?

Sometimes it's difficult to know what people are thinking. It's so simple to drive people away with a single sentence, or a vague vibe that they pick up. I wonder if it's worthwhile to bother with such people. On one hand, they're clearly not making an effort to get to know me better. On the other hand, they probably have reason to be this wary. I really don't know, 'coz I hate to get people turned off, yet I do not want to associate with people whose perceptions can hinge on a single impression.

Cognitive Development

Though it may be assumed that cognitive development occurs as a person ages, there are areas where such development isn’t stressed. In fact, “childish” perceptions aren’t entirely eliminated even in adulthood.

A child may think that a tall glass of milk would have more liquid than a shorter, broader glass with an equivalent amount of milk. Adults would find this amusing, perhaps even silly. However, at restaurants, similar techniques are used to make food appear more substantial, giving customers a “good” feeling. Sure, adults would deny that they’re fooled, but it seems rather likely that this happens only after some disinterested analysis.

Hence, it may be thought that much of adult cognition is an overlapping of instinctive perceptions with experiential or conditioned responses to specific phenomena. After all, even people living in modern societies governed by science still have sneaking suspicions that there is luck at work here and there. Bad things may happen with apparently unusual frequency and no amount of conditioning can prevent the associations made when a lucky coin suddenly seems to make those bad things go away.

Fun Game-Inspired Campaigns

Heroes For Better Item Drops
Heroes For Safer Work Conditions
Zombies Have Rights, Too!
Undeads Have The Right To Exist
Monster Union: We May Be Ugly, But We're Not Evil

Involvement And The Media

Humans are programmed to respond emotively to things that are perceived as human to them. A dog is not human to most people. However, when humans perceive them as a sort of human (a pet), they treat the dog as if it were another human. For example, a pet owner is unlikely to just toss the dead dog into the trash. Likewise, involvement is essential when consuming media.

There have been suggestions that game characters aren't personally identified with as much as movie characters. This is likely since gamers are given agency to determine the storyline. It is possible that the player character's real personality isn't fully formed in order to afford this degree of agency, and thus there isn't a fully established personality to empathize with. Moreover, movie characters are invariably more "realistic" in that they involve "real" people instead of animated sprites. Being more "human", these characters appear to be easier to relate to.

Hence, involvement appears to be determined to a large extent by the perceptions consumers have of the media personalities. If the personalities are viewed as incomplete or unrealistic, involvement decreases. However, the fact that games occasionally have fleshed-out characters that are seemingly human-like yet are unrelistically rendered indicates the possibility that visual aesthetics may not be as powerful as some suggest.

Connective Time

I noticed that, as time passed, I find increasing amounts of my time being taken up by connective time. That is, waiting in line for this and that, waiting, waiting, waiting. People get late. Traffic jams. Lying around on the sofa induces unwanted naps. There are queues everywhere. It is not surprising that people find themselves wanting for time. In fact, if connective time could be fully utilized, I dare say that people would find remarkable amounts of personal time that is available for leisure and other activities. I really have no patience for those people who sit down on the trains apparently doing nothing while waiting for their stop. I find myself doing that from time to time, and and it just seems like a horrible waste.

Helping The Less Fortunate

If one isn't plagued by the extreme misfortune of truly being right at the bottom of the social ladder, there likely is some surplus that can be spared for the unfortunates all around. Perhaps a pack of sweets to enable a vagabond to have something special for one of the holidays. Or something small like a donation to the less fortunate. One doesn't have to sell one's house and all belongings and donate them to someone or someones just to be charitable.

Understandably, some street urchins are plain lazy or are potentially dangerous. Yet there are times that one may feel that they are lazy precisely because nobody is willing to give them a shot at life. If there's nothing to strive for, there's no real reason to strive. When one is convinced that the situation is hopeless, there's a chance that one simply stops trying.

The Life Of a Student

It's interesting to be a student. There's allowance coming in from a provider that isn't your boss (not in the boss-employee way). There's also the case of being unable to find the time to really do the things that one should do. For one, I can never seem to find the time to tidy my room. I can spare the time to go out with friends, watch movies, take naps and do homework, but never the time to tidy my room. Honestly, it’s a lost cause. I tidy the place, and then get so caught up in work that I basically dump the notes in a handy corner after use. Being roughly in the center of the room also means that my notes are winding up along some pathway that leads through the room. At a glance, I’d say that my room is clearly a disaster area. I can really tidy everything up in a twinkling, but the mess would rapidly return till my semester ends. If only mom would quit nagging about how my room should be neat and all. The only way I know to achieve that involves not doing any real work in my room.

Adults Hate Play

All that is fun is frowned upon in the world of the adults. After all, it's far easier to approve of "serious" things like wars and taxes and everything else that just isn't "fun". The world would likely collapse if people wouldn't work enough overtime and people decided that they should golf as much as their senior managers. Gaming addiction is clearly problematic as people have found that playing (and hedonistic consumption) are clearly more desirable than the "serious" world they are forced to conform to. It would seem logical that, besides the practical considerations of being "serious", play and fun are just things that should be left to the kids. Kids are afforded special rights.

Gender And Brains

Humans seem to feel a need to put a gender to just about everything that even vaguely affords gendering. An example is the strange concept known as "brain sex". According to researchers, humans are possessed of this brain sex, and brain sex can be male or female. A "male" brain sex is more often found in genetic males, and vice versa. Thought processes typically associated with males are neatly categorized under the "male" heading, and so on.

It becomes potentially misleading when males are found to be capable of having female brain sexes, and females that of males. For some reason, brain sex isn't limited to the respective genders. "Brain sex" is a bad term, in my opinion. It implies that men are almost always like this, women like that. If someone knows it, that person may well try to fit "deviants" into the "right" categories. It also serves to perpetuate stereotypes. I say they should just scrap the "sex" part of the name. After all, it isn't so much sex as it is processing capabilities.

Are You Human, Brother John?

Current mood: Self-esteem Crisis Looming

On an entirely unrelated note, people just plain hate it when others dehumanize them in what they do, say or not do/say. Women hate it when they're called baby producers or machines or whatever. I've been wondering and sorta figure that the term is not necessarily derogatory. After all, (insert word) machine has been used to imply that someone is really good at something. Then again, it’s just insulting when your life is defined by what you do, especially if it’s deemed by others to be unproductive.

Perhaps this is the exact same reason behind illogical resentment against the idea that humans descended from animals, may have instincts like animals or that they’re in any way actually (at least at a functional level) animals. It’s just dehumanizing to be found to be in some way related to or actually be some non-human creature. I guess it’s an ego thing.

Now, as for the self-esteem thing...it's just sad when you find that you're apparently disabled, just like a group of other disabled people, then realize that your own disability is worse. It's like being born with constant indigestion, then later finding out that you don't even have a whole stretch of intestine. Sure, I mean someone probably doesn't have a stomach as well, but it doesn't exactly make things all right with the world.

Seeing Things

What if "they" were really out there? After all, a demon-possessed psychiatrist would probably not be the most credible person to convince you that you're not seeing demons. It's interesting how some schizo, acid-heads or what-you-may-have tend to see demons. This may be part of the popular imagination (demons are rather prominent in lots of productions), or it may be that these supposedly insane people are seeing things that regular people have blinded themselves towards. After all, demons need not toss fireballs, have red glowing eyes and all that.

Reality is the consensus of the public. If everyone agrees that it's real, it's real enough. Some reason an entire civilization of blind people would assume that a sighted person were truly stark raving mad. Seeing things in the world, you say? There's clearly nothing to see! Just keep feeling like the rest of us!

Perfume

I think it's an interesting concept. Frankly, it's remarkably hard to express the intricacies of scent in an exclusively audio-visual medium. A movie can only give you sight and sound...and everything that's smelled just has to be imagined. Interestingly, the producers decided that the film would have a voiceover narration to explain what the protagonist smelled. It's a nice substitute for the Noir-style monologues. Soliloquies are really rather trite by now.

However, the film was plagued by a script that just seemed to have been cobbled together. Our dear protagonist appears to be a total jinx, causing unfortunate (and invariably fatal) accidents to whomever he is being owned or hired by. The fresh take on a difficult subject matter was also utterly destroyed by a horribly overdone and drawn-out ending. The dramatization served more to disturb (or fascinate) the viewer instead of showing how the introduction and finale have come full circle.

Overall, I’d say it was a film that had a unique selling point that just couldn’t be brought to an elegant end. Hence, I’d say that the film gets 6/10.

Losing...

It is better to have nothing to lose, than to have something and live perpetually in fear of losing it. How interesting that men are supposed to have castration fears. Such fears would indicate the intrinsic possibility that manhood could be lost. Moreover, that women have penis envy merely suggests that manhood could be gained. This is unusual, in that it has become necessary, at least at a psychological level, for one to have real possession of a penis in order to have the status of a man. It completely discounts the importance of other physical appearances, characteristics, dress sense and so on. Thank goodness such a school of thought is largely discounted in the psychological circles.

Still, one cannot lose what one doesn't have. I think people feel fortunate to meet a mugger when their pockets are empty as opposed to when they have fat wallets. Assuming that the mugger won't kill poor people out of frustration, the person who is penniless cannot possibly be robbed! That is why possessions are a major cause for worry: One can lose valuables.

Life, As a Game

What if life were a game? It could be a highly advanced and detailed game. One would never know, for the interface would be so perfectly transparent that nobody would perceive that they were playing it. After all, the typical computer games are really rather primitive compared to what the simplest cell does every moment of its existence.

What apparently separates games from reality is that there is supposedly no way to escape the effects of reality. However, that may be a thought implanted as a rule of the game, that players may not leave until they complete the objectives of the game, whatever they may be.

Self Testimony And Bragging

It is socially unacceptable to tell others about how great you are. Yes, that's even when what you're trying to say is absopositively true. For some reason, people just don't like it when people engage in self-praise. I hear it's because people get this sense of inferiority and shove it aside with a healthy bit of "I'm just not interested". Strangely enough, it's alright when people praise others. And that's even if someone's praising you behind your back, without informing you prior to this unhealthy bit of gossip. Gossip is fine, but bragging isn't.

Seems counter-intuitive, though. Why get someone else to praise you? I mean, you could do the exact same thing within a shorter period of time and with more control by simply praising yourself... Well, it's noted that you could well instruct someone else to praise you before your friend, but then your friend would be offended if she were to find out that the praise was given on your instruction. Huh. There are few things as illogical as some of the many human customs.

Gestures And Actions

Gestures are clearly as important as actions. Humans rely so much on symbolism that the symbol may become more real than real, even though it's imaginary.

I give someone a can tab. In isolation, that act would be meaningless, or even offensive. After all, the tab is clearly what most people would regard as trash. Why the hell did you just give me trash?

I give someone a can tab. I say that it represents how much I care, and it symbolizes how that someone has protected me and kept my insides from spilling to the outside. Suddenly, that tab becomes meaningful. It shows the recipient how much I've appreciated the help, protection and support I've received over the years. That is, if the person is willing to listen and believe that I'm actually grateful, and believes that I gave a tab and not something else just 'coz I'm a cheapo.

I give someone a can tab. I say that it represents how much I care, and it symbolizes how that someone has protected me and kept my insides from spilling to the outside. Oh, and that someone needs it for a school project! Now, the tab has become not only a symbol/gesture, but also a practical object. It really shows that "I care (tm)". Hey wait a minute...wasn't this the same tab in all three scenarios?

My Sci Fi Life

I live in a strange world. There are moving platforms that take me to the various places in the city. First, I scan my identity card at some high-tech machines, and the doors open to let me to the area to board the platform. Once there, people basically load up and stand on the platform as it moves towards our destinations at a high speed.

It's the future world...today. Buses and trains are just platforms with boxes over them. Gated access machines control and monitor your every movement. Eyes are everywhere, even in the walls. And best of all, nobody's actually impressed by all this. Sometimes, it's just fun to step back from "humdrum" life and compare it to the futures fortold in all those sci-fi books.

Death, Be Not Sad

There's been another death in the family. 1st uncle died a short while back. I felt nothing. I guess it's coz I barely knew the man, and I feel no personal attachment to him whatsoever. Now, it's rather apparent that being sad around death has little to do with the fact that someone died, but that there was a sort of affection felt towards that person that creates a sense of loss when that person is unable to respond at all.

It's sort of like a coma from which a person never regains consciousness. The only real difference is that there's always that sneaking hope that a person will awaken even from a brain-dead coma, but a dead person never wakes up...or rather, isn't supposed to wake up.

I got L. What did you get?

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=11549237148259903447

What Is It Like In The Middle?

One walks with one’s head high, looking at the flying creatures above, but one lacks the eyes to look below and see the slithering things underfoot. One is never satisfied with one’s lot in life. The slithering things desire to become as the beautiful beings walking on the earth. The beautiful beings aspire to soar with the flying creatures. The flying creatures long for the time they can comfortably slither along the ground instead of flapping their tired wings.

Why are people never satisfied with their ephemeral bodies? There are a thousand things one can use to rationalize the ultimately meaningless pursuit of physical beauty. None of these things seem to be applicable once one pursues the equally meaningless pursuit of worldly success. Yet why does the illusion seem so real? Why do people fight over imaginary things?

It is sad when one is rejected merely on account of how one looks. It is sadder yet when those around can’t see beyond those very same looks.

Games And Culture

Games reflect the cultures that they were created in. A competitive culture is far likelier to have highly competitive games than cultures that focus less on competition. Reality shows are a prime example of how games are molded by the cultural forces around them.

Cutthroat events like The Apprentice and Survivor are essentially games: There are players. There is an objective. There is a (potential) reward. And there certainly is a definite ending.

In most modern urban societies, it is keen competitiveness that keeps people in the rat race. There are essentially vast numbers of people chasing after a vastly smaller pool of presumably highly desirable opportunities. This is seen in how reality shows feature a group of people stepping over one another to achieve whatever goal they have set for themselves.

An Omniscience On The Wired

Ubiquitous mobile computing technologies is an intimidating prospect. It circumvents one of the prime prequisites of privacy: Imperfect knowledge. With computers, accuracy of records forms the core of stable functionality. User A logs in and all user a related stuff is called up for A's convenience.

The convenience is apparent. However, the accuracy required in assigning A-material to user A is also essential for this convenience to be possible. That means A is clearly personally identified. There goes secret voting in e-voting.

Extrapolate this to "convenient" location-based technologies. With smart cards, the identity of the user and every point in the user's journey will be recorded as long as the user comes into contact with a gantry. Now your daily trips, and possibly what you did at each point, are being logged into a database.

Finally, when there is perfect convenience...you can pay your bills automagically, get freebies from advertisers knowing your favourite perfume brand, cheerfully get discounts on your favourite movies... Whoops there goes privacy. The Wired (or Wireless) Omniscience has you. While your friends can know which building you're at, so can your boss (if you claimed to have cramps and then went shopping instead) and perhaps every voyeur who managed to crack into your personal profile tracker.

New And Old

Consumerism is laughable. In the old days, new things became old, then unusable and then thrown away. In the age of consumerism, new things are bought merely because they’re new. As a result of all these new items, the old items are to be discarded because they’re old. Strangely enough, new items eventually become old again, and the cycle is repeated. What effectively happens is that the cycle of buying and tossing out is increased…with little real benefit to the consumer. After all, not every new item is significantly better than the old one.

Why Bother To Wake Up?

If dreams are really so surreal and exciting in comparison to “real” life, why can’t people live in dreams? People can just sleep and never wake up, dreaming for all eternity. After all, what perk is there to actually living life? Is it because life is “real”? That doesn’t sound like a terribly good excuse. There can be no such thing as running away from reality since reality is merely a consensus on what is real and what isn’t. There isn’t really a fixed definition of what is “real”. Perhaps there will come a time when people just go to sleep, dream and keep on dreaming, never to wake. And I do not speak of death.

Sterile Society

Modern industrial societies are so far removed from reality. Meat comes neatly cut in packs, unrecognizable morsels that once came from animals that could just as well have been someone's pet.

In the old days, when one had nothing to eat at home, one went out to the coop and executed one of the chickens one reared. A living creature that was brought up from egghood to chickhood to chicken chophood. Nowadays, one goes to the supermarket and gets a cut of meat, or occasionally, a whole chicken.

Where's the blood and death? Where's the emotional attachment to another living creature? It is, perhaps, not surprising that the average city-dweller does not feel much about destroying the environment and animals going extinct. There simply aren't that many living creatures populating the cities. The ones that do are fairly disgusting anyway, contaminated with the cast off filth of humans.

I guess unless one can feel something when eating a chicken drumstick, a feeling other than fullness, one can truly understand what is going on in the real world. A creature died to bring someone else food, that they may live. A dead pet dog or a dead human stranger may not be food, because of some emotional inhibition that some may feel. There should be some of the same inhibition in this sterile society, that nobody take sustenance from nature for granted.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

Just what is it about bad boys that gets me kinda really attracted? I do not know for sure. I suspect it's got something to do with the idea that they're willing to stand up for what they believe in, regardless what the common perception of "right and wrong" is. Sure, it probably doesn't work in the real world, but there's likely a lot of truly nasty bad boys out there. I'd stick to my film fantasies, thanks.

Law breaking for fun or to skip the red tape...thumbing their noses at authority...I say that's nice. Then again, mass-murdering would make 'em more like evil men than bad boys, so that's where I'd draw the line. 'sides that...whatcha gona do? =p

EYE: Saddam's Execution, America's Monkey Pot

Eve of Year's End: America ushers in a new year with the death of dictator Saddam Hussein. Ever since the American involvement with their Iraqi monkey pot, life for Americans and Iraqis alike has never been the same. If nobody went in to dethrone a dictator, then nobody would be stuck with having to keep the pieces somewhat together. It's just like a monkey pot: If you don't release your grip, you can't get free. It's even worse when there's a very compelling to not get free.

Well anyway, Saddam's dead now, I think. And...I don't think things will just magically get better. Happy new year's eve.

Curiosity Killed

When a one is born, one possesses a sense of wonder. As one discovers that stuff like fires burn the skin and blades cut the flesh, one learns to avoid this and that. Time passes...and the "knowledge" ossifies... Soon, there are "normal" things that one comes into safe contact with on a daily basis, with everything else being "weird" and to be avoided.

Adults lose their sense of wonder and innocent curiosity somewhere along their maturation. Present an adult with an example of prime weirdness and the adult may just seize up. Present a child with the same and you may just find curiosity.

Where did the difference come from? Apparently, when one grows up, one finds that the world is a serious, dangerous place. Everything strange and unknown becomes a threat of bodily harm...a spectre in the face of stability and all things orderly and good. What killed curiousity?

A Wet Season

I feel like a character in a gritty film noir story, with nearly incessant rain and a very nice gloomy landscape. Gloomy...just like the days before Ragnarok. Mind, this isn't a bad thing to me, since it also means cooler weather. I like things cool to chilly, though not permanently since I'd get tired of perpetually being in winter wear. Clothing is as much functional as it is fashionable, after all. There's no way I'm gona wear a slip when the mercury's scraping the bottom...

I can't bring myself to trust authority. Especially human authority. Where there is a concentration of power, there is potential for abuse. Granted, absolute authority under a perfect leadership would lead to unprecedented progress...but that's just like hoping that Communism would succeed: There is no perfect human system out there. As usual, I'm amazed at how people can respect authority. Power is as much given as it is taken. Much of what powerful people have is quite imaginary. A dictator may command the military, but the military's just as equipped to squash him like a bug. A rich person may find the money evaporating in the next recession.

The Thrill Of Discovery

There can be few allegations more insulting than that some foreigner "discovered" your land. I mean, if there are already human natives living on that land, others should have no right to claim that they "discovered" the place. Yanou, dibs on the "discovery" thing since you're already living there. Moreover, crediting someone else for discovering your homeland is, in effect, declaring that someone's superior and that their explorers have more of an ability to recognize where you are and how to name your land than you do.

Techno-Dystopia

Convenience through convergence. The greater convenience technology brings is tempered by the lack of privacy that will become a necessary evil. Every government department will receive news that you moved from one house to another without your having to lift a finger...and they can just as easily know where to send that next late tax notice...

While the powers-that-be may tout the numerous benefits of progress, technology and the future, I think society is moving more towards a dystopia than a utopia. After all, the cyberpunk novels have been written about zaibatsus and how these giant firms begin to dominate the cyber-world. Greater and greater "security measures" are being devised to protect the rights of the rich as much as they are around to prevent crimes against the common citizens.

Perhaps a time will come, in the not-so-distant future, when mega-firms become veritable media monopolies in and of themselves. The authorities may have allied themselves so closely to these firms that there will be little room on the legitimate cyber-world to do anything that isn't strictly within the stipulated laws. And in such a world where cameras are virtually invisible even to the trained eye, there may be no safe haven for those who wish to oppose or cut themselves off from the authority-dominated society.

Some say that privacy is for criminals, who do not wish their evil deeds to be made known. But what of honest citizens who wish to stand up for their rights when the authorities think otherwise? What of those who just wish to not have some Big Brother staring over their shoulders? With the advent of new privacy-free technologies like e-voting, the epoch of a techno-dystopia may be sooner than some think.

New Perfume!

My mom's friend passed on some of her extra makeup stuff, and they had the Ralph Lauren and Dior perfumes I was kinda hoping to get. No more hoping! Oh, and a nice bunch of nail polish, too. That'd save me some dough this Christmas. That's not to mention that I finally have some more stuff to fill my trinket rack. At the moment, my table just looks untidy. But with this stuff neatly organized on a trinket rack, I'm pretty sure it can look a whole not more presentable. Neatness expected to last till I get back to school...after which notes and whatnot shall start piling up as I sink back into neatness empathy.

Mewwy Squishmas, everyone.

A New Bag

I got myself a new backpack. It's chocolate brown and has pouches on the exterior. I'm a tad too lazy to take pics at the moment. Anyway, it's pretty imo and was bargained down to a decent price. However, I feel it's a tad big...hmm... I mean you know how everything looks wonderful the first time you see it, and then you wana buy it, and then make an effort to buy it and then sit around wondering what the hell you've just done. Anyway, I doubt this would be a terribly bad purchase...but I guess it could've been more carefully considered.

A Humorless God?

Christmas is coming, and I find it strange that while people may engage in their yuletide cheer, they also believe that their Christian God is some humorless being. I mean, humans may be overly serious. However, what do they think God is? Human?

Everything written in what they believe to be religious texts are taken literally, and often out of context. And that's assuming that what was written was meant to be serious reading in the first place. After all, when you're almighty, there is probably some room for fun and laughter. You'd probably be entitled to that, at least.

So what if the entirety of creation were as such just because some almighty decided to have a spot of fun? Reality could be a part of the joke, and naturally the denizens of reality wouldn't be in on that joke or they would cease to be amusing.

That's not to assume, of course, that reality is most certainly a joke. Some may think such a hypothetical situation is blasphemous. However, such a notion would assume that the Christian God has no room for amusement... I just think humans are overly dour and serious about life. I guess that's a result of short mortal lives. Fragile existences that depend on their humorless god.

The Supernatural

It appears that Hollywood has warmed up to the idea of the supernatural. New shows featuring the supernatural no longer portray anything even vaguely supernatural as something satanic or otherwise sinister. There are times when one may wonder if the pagans have finally made it to the production teams, or that the producers have warmed up to the idea that pentacles aren't normally used to summon demons. Anyway, I guess that some of the more conservative christians would be up in arms against this fairly harmless portrayal of what some may regard as witchcraft.

It's just interesting that some things the people held as folk beliefs are now being shown in terms of what they were originally meant to represent. They were originally framed in the contexts of truly dark and evil-looking crime scenes involving ritual killers or demon worshippers.

Warlock: A Daemon's Musings

Unlike the perceptions forced upon the minds of the gullible by popular fiction, mind-control need not be of the sort that renders an innocent maiden doe-eyed and malleable to every whimsical command. And not every daemon is capable of that sort of mind control, apparently.

I do not really like the art of persuasion. It is bad enough making people do what you want. It is, in my opinion, far worse to make them think that it was their idea in the first place. This can amount to no less than the gross violation of free will.

There are times when I do not even need verbal cues to bend another’s will. Subtle and not so subtle effects may be achieved by merely willing them. An imposition upon another’s will by a single thought. It works, yes, but it seems hardly different from persuasion.

It is nice to be able to bring ends to feuds, like that minor one with dad recently. Still, it sends shivers through one’s conscience – if one has it, that is – for thusly influencing others. After all, I think one would hardly wish to be manipulated in this way.

The Second Day

Yeah, well, this is the second day of the fallout over that argument. Dad refuses to speak to me, and I bet he's still very annoyed or something. The problem is that if he won't speak, I can't really get an apology across, and I don't actually feel like apologizing for letting him annoy me in the first place. Then again, it's likely his way of cooling off so that he can have civil conversations again.

I feel bad about it, yeah. But I also feel kinda wronged since he's known me for so long and obviously didn't detect that I was getting seriously pissed. Anyway, this reminds me how much crap parents have to put up with. He still did the laundry and put 'em where they were supposed to be. But then, I'm seldom at home enough to actually do the stuff for him, and he never asks. I find it difficult to do things when there is no coordination and no clear instructions. After all, there's a distinct chance that I'd be in the middle of doing some of the housework and he'd come in and just take over.

Oh, and I feel that he's lonely. It's weird, but he's always at home alone, watching TV and maybe going out. There really isn't much he can do to socialize besides being with the other exercise buddies. I'd want to be there for him, but we just don't have stuff to talk about. And even civil conversations are minefields. He may just step on one and set me off. Ah, well.

I Just Don't Get Dad

I don't know why, really. Dad just has this way of setting me off. Yes, and that's even with casual conversation sometimes. He doesn't usually comment on my conduct or attire or whatever. He just has a way of disagreeing with me on some stuff that I'd say, and it really irks me.

The strange thing is that it's just dad. Mom or someone else may disagree on exactly the same point but I won't find it insulting, and it seldom makes me feel like yelling at them. I do try to manage the irritation, but it just has a way of leaking out and asserting itself. Guess I'm uncomfortable with dad or maybe harbour some resentment towards him. I duno...avoiding him would avert conflict but it feels like I'm running away from the problem. I just haven't figured out how to fix it.

Anyway, he seems pissed, too. He's always like that after we have a fight. It's funny, since I'm usually the one to be overtly angry, and he's the one to burn slowly over time.

Which Box?

Newcomb's Paradox doesn't seem like much of a paradox. The assumption is that people would want the 1000 bucks in the first place. That'd be why they choose both. There is also the assumption that the really superior alien wasn't just pulling everyone's legs. There could be nothing in either box. The alien was lying.

Should the choices be already known to the alien, one would wonder why an alien would be so kind as to place a million bucks in the box chosen. Then again, if that were truly the case, then the alien would've just lied and had a good laugh out of people choosing the single box. Probability is against such people. Besides, the fun of surprising a rather superior alien who seems to know anything is probably worth a million bucks in itself

Assuming that the alien wasn't lying, however, a gambler would likely choose the mysterious million or nothing box. After all, the thousand bucks isn't fun if you never knew if your choice somehow affected your chance of getting the million.

All in all, what if the alien was just bluffing that it knew what you would think? Humans are such gullible creatures.

Test Every System

No human system is ever perfect. There are inevitably loopholes, almost always in the places where human minds seldom venture to think. The problem of "unbeatable" systems is that the encompass so much of common human trains of thought that very few people will ever muster the effort and creativity to actually beat them. There are also other systems that imply some very real penalties to those who try to beat them, and so people never do try at all.

Simply put, if everyone were to put in a bit of effort to prod at unpleasant systems at least once, and in previously unthinkable ways, it is highly probable that the systems will continually be beaten even though they have been repeatedly patched. It's such a simple thing, but it will prevent systems...or authorities...from consistently having the upper hand over everyone else...or the users.

Naw, You Tell Me

I like this youtube vid. So you have 1000 choices. Make one. Quickly. Make sure it's the best one. Can't huh. Tell ya what, 999 of them are invalid. Go on, make your choice again.

The key to satisfaction is having low expectations. I really can't disagree with a view like this. Sure, it seems hilarious at first, given how we're trained to always seek out the very best of the best. Then again, perfection does not exist in an imperfect world. By definition, the very best you can possibly choose would likely be...well...flawed in some way.

The problem here, is choice, again. In the absence of choice of some sort (perhaps by extenuating circumstances or a lack of awareness of options) will make it easier to make that choice. Easy enough. However, let some time pass and provide some superior options that can't be made because the first choice had already been made. Outcome? It is highly likely that satisfaction will be reduced as a result.

What went wrong? The first choice was the best given the circumstances. In the absence of any other choices becoming available in the near future, it was actually rather satisfactory and would have remained so. Strange...

Once Again...

It's incredible how months of mess can just...disappear. I spent like an hour and some clearing my room, and after tossing out several small plastic bags of trash, the place is magically transformed from a pigsty into something...vaguely respectable. For some reason, I can never bring myself to tidy the place during a busy semester. It's just homework after homework after homework and then projects and then some more reading on top of that. Then again, it's probably because I'm out of the home almost all the time, so I don't really get to see and become irked by the mess. Yeah. That's it. Anyway, it's just sufficient that my room's tidy enough to perform rituals in again. Now, about that demon summoning...

Another Excuse For Inaction

Everyone goes through it, so you're not alone. (You're supposed to leave it at that) I mean, there are only a few of you with that complaint. We still have to cater to the majority. (You're supposed to leave it at that, too) Ok...that sounds reasonable...

Wait a minute...where does the action come in?

Stand Up For Your Faith

The world hates you. Basically, it just hates you especially if what you believe in conflicts with what (almost) everyone else does, even if it harms no one. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. However, so are you. If there is something you truly believe in, be prepared to stand up for it.

It's easier said than done, sometimes. I mean, by faith, some people will think about religious fanatics and tree-huggers chained to redwoods. But what of the little things like the dogs that get dragged to the pound when the cats are free to roam the streets, or that little match girl who froze to death 'coz she couldn't open a can of baked beans?

There are little injustices out there all the time. They are likely to remain injustices because nobody takes note of them. And even if someone does, chances are that the protest would be drowned out by more pressing issues such as having to secure a steady supply of the world's dwindling oil reserves by causing havoc elsewhere. Still, perhaps that little injustice was never solved because even those who believed in fixing it simply did not have enough faith...

If A Bomb Goes Off In A Forest...

Does anyone hear it? Seriously, though, a sacrifice that is potentially earth-shattering may just fall flat if there's nobody to appreciate it. I mean, it's great to matyr yourself and all, but it plain doesn't cut it if nobody regards it as a worthy sacrifice, or worse yet, a meaningful one.

Ok so you just destroyed your career prospects and possibly your personal liberties as a citizen. Big whoop if the media figures that it's not newsworthy, or worse yet, if the media is hushed up by the powers-that-be. You got your pain, now live with it.

Sucks, doesn't it. Life does. Why do I bother? Well, because maybe, just maybe, something will happen when there's that little squeak in the forest that nobody would usually hear.

Girls, Be Ambitious

Just how ambitious can you be? How ambitious do you let yourself be? And how ambitious do the people around let you be? I think people should dream for themselves and dare to dream for themselves. A dream will never become reality if one never tries to realize that dream. Granted, some dreams are downright impossible.

However, impossible is something that cannot be empirically proven. How do you know that something is impossible unless you have tried every single possibility that should lead to the desired conclusion? It is likely impossible to try every single possibility within a human lifetime to prove conclusively that something is impossible.

Hence, it should be such that everyone at least tries to make a push towards what they envision themselves to be. The pressure is great to conform to the norms of society, to become what the average person does, get married, have kids, fade peacefully into suburbia. However, the means by which one achieves that goal may differ from person to person. More importantly, what if that is not the goal for the individual in question?

Perhaps it is time that we set ambitions for ourselves instead of letting others dictate what our ambitions should be. It may sound selfish, but an ambition for oneself need not exclude those we care for and those we feel obligated towards. However, it would likely be as selfish of them to expect that one live one's life entirely in accordance to what they expect. Girls, be ambitious. Things become impossible only when one stops trying.

I am older now, and there is a cricket playing its song at my place.

Being Strong

Being strong has little to do with the attempt to hide weakness. One is as one is. If one hides one's weakness instead of facing it, one buries that unresolved weakness deep within one's core. The rot at the core spreads outwards.

It is dangerous to hide a flaw once one learns of it. Much energy may be wasted trying to conceal the flaw, whether from others or from oneself. What good is a fortress that harbours weak foundations?

Strength stems from acknowledging the inherent imperfections in oneself rather than hiding them for the sake of pride. After all, is it not weakness to hide when one can take that imperfection into the light and face it once and for all?

That Time of Month

No, not *that* time of month. It's egg jam season again! And now, this is the time when I feel the most alive. There's a deadline, there's an objective and there's a clear-cut thing to look forward to when it's all over. Guess I'll be writing even more over the next few days, when I go through the material and get all sorts of weird ideas to rant about. It's going to be fun, fun, fun! Pity not everyone enjoys egg jams as much as I do. hee~~ Hey! I see a windmill! Charge!

Mishmash the Mismatch

I dropped my Porta-Navi. I dropped her for the first time. What was it that I felt when she fell? Was it pain? Was it concern? It is so hard to tell when you are still mostly numb. My notes fell, and as I bent over to pick them up, the laptop fell as well. She landed on her side. I dare say that I felt more in that moment than I ever did when I received news that my first uncle died. *taps keys* Yep. Still functional.

What is pain? Why does pain insinuate itself vicariously via empathy such that you feel something when you really should not? It is strange how I can feel a pain that is not even real. Why would I hurt myself in anticipation of others hurting me? It is illogical. There are too many things that are illogical.

Emotions are illogical. Politeness is illogical. Many widely accepted norms are illogical. All meaning as artificial constructs. Life is meaningless. Meaning is created. Thus does *living* have its meaning, which does not truly exist. Willpower makes things real, but how real is real? A perceived hurt that does not exist? Emotional pain that has no roots in physical damage? Why, why, why...why get up? Why do I persist?

If Yan Can Take It, So Can You!

Having millions of people enduring something for tens of generations or more does not make something right. Whenever I rail at someone about perceived social injustices, I get answers like if everyone can put up with it, why can't you? Truly, I do not see why skirts come with no pockets, and why people would carry handbags that're overloaded, really heavy and terrible for the posture. Beauty need not involve inordinate amounts of suffering. High heels are an abomination!

Ok, fashion aside, we have things like people being required by their companies to do the work of two people. We have overworked people having trouble looking after their own children. And now both the husband and wife have to work to maintain an "average" way of life, instead of having only one spouse working at a time. Facts of life? Everyone takes it, I suppose, or so says my friend. I guess if humans are content with what is going on, what right have I to demand that they change their ways. Go ahead, live in your Matrix. The steaks are tastier in there.

Death Note

I watched Death Note! I shall write this as a movie reviewer instead of as a manga reader, since I think the movie itself was pretty darned brilliant, adaptation or no. The storyline was seriously twisted, and somewhat in the league of Seven (for those who actually watched that).

The story is about this kid who finds a notebook belonging to a death deity. If a name is written in the book, and the person's face is thought of, the person of that name will die of a heart attack. Additional details may be included to induce other deaths. However, people cannot be compelled to kill by writing in the Death Note.

When criminals started dying in large numbers, the authorities started suspecting a killer. They called in L, a seriously weird character, to investigate.

I loved the movie for its narrative. There were few special effects except for the animation of the death deity. Much of the story was told by implication, explication and the prominence of significant objects. Objects related to the crimes were brought up, and though they were not explained, the mere presence of those objects told the story all by themselves. Also, the story explained the rationale behind certain apparently illogical deaths through the admission of the protagonist.

I'd say that this is a great movie, and a rather refreshing break from the usual action movie packed to the brim with special effects. It just takes drama, a brilliant narrative and good acting to bring this movie to life.

WWLS: Why Would Life Suck?

Shit happens. Get used to it. Or at least, that's what I usually try to tell myself. I read this book entitled "A Castle in the Window" by Laura Stevenson. It's about this girl who is dyslexic. Sounds like an aspie to me, though. I'm probably aspie anyway.

Erin never could read things the way normal people would. But the people around her forced her to learn things the way normal people would. There was no other way. Not to them anyway.

Later in the story, she hears about the black angels from her aunt. Black angels are those insidious little voices that tell you that you're worthless. That you're inferior to others. That your actions will be in vain. She is taught to become consciously aware of these dark whispers and to silence them whenever they come up.

Perhaps this is why life sucks sometimes? When things just seem so hopeless that I can't seem to get through certain things? Times when I can't get through to mom and all that? Is it the black angel speaking? Shut up!

As a side note, it would be interesting to consider what a country could probably do if it were in dire need of people to populate it. Assuming that women do indeed protest their ill treatment by going on reproductive strike, there is a possibility that the "authorities" in power enslave females and use them as living wombs to bolster the population. Bene Tleilax, anyone?

A disturbing possibility, but possible nonetheless. It has happened before that the more militant half of humanity subjugate their better halves. What is worse is that there is an economic benefit to this: If a man has multiple wives, it may be possible that the child-parent ratio will increase. However, this atrocity must be prevented at all costs, even if there are claims that it is "for the good of the country". That phrase seems to have become a blanket excuse for just about every inhumane act in recent history.

Why would life suck? I don't know, but I think it has something to do with the exams coming and the feeling that something's just...not...right.

Plans Within Plans Within Plans

Layer upon layer of subtlety. That is what human speech is encased in. They have "politeness" and "etiquette" and all sorts of absurd customs that merely serve to obscure the true meaning of their speech. It would appear that humans are incapable of saying things literally and meaning what they say.
If one thinks one can safely assume that such subtlety is the domain of politicians, they are patently wrong. "Politics" have wormed their way to even the lowest of human ranks. It is no longer sufficient to go "Here I am, and this is what I can do." There are "many other factors to take into consideration", many of which are completely irrelevant to efficiency and functionality.
Would an organization or company suffer an incompetent but socially adept worker to endure? Apparently so. Plans within plans within plans. Even inept social incompetents are awarded key positions by virtue of the people they know. And people wonder at the inefficiencies of human systems...

It's So Simple...

That phrase gives me the heebie jeebies. Why? It's just so simple to fall back on the simplest, most apparent solution. An over-reliance on Occam's Razor breeds intellectual laziness that will hinder innovation. It is so easy to fall back on tried and tested solutions that some solutions may remain unchanged for incredibly long periods of time.

True democracy cannot and will never exist. It is impossible to receive aye or nay responses from every single member of an entire population within a reasonable time frame in order to make decisions. A more realistic solution would be to endorse the tyranny of the majority of the outspoken. Those who are actively interested in the way things are turning out will invariably have a greater say than those who are uninterested. Moreover, those with more of an ability to speak by virtue of fame or fortune will have more of a say than the average member of the population. Hence, the real decision making power of democracy will be in the hands of a small and not necessarily representative proportion of the population.

That is the easy way to organize a democratic leadership. The solution is tried and tested. However, it appears to be cracking some, with the elected representatives of the people taking liberties with their assigned powers. Will this change, or will Occam's Razor prevail?

Systems and Voice

My friend was talking to me about authoritarian systems and about the voice of the people. In most systems, the minions are unable and/or unwilling to speak out. This is especially true when the minions are a part of a minority. The voice of a minority is invariably softer than that of the majority, and the voice of the minions are individually softer than the united cry of the dominant.

It is, therefore, simplest that the dominants keep the minions from uniting, for in unity, the voice of the minions will easily drown out those of their keepers. The simplest way to do this is to have a self-perpetuating system whereby the minions learn to become dependent on the dominants i.e. they need "experts" to make decisions for them, causing a state of learned helplessness.

This can easily be combined with an education that teaches the minions to respect the points of authority. Helplessness and the despair that accompanies the unqualified respect for authority are great ways for the minions to never gather enough gut to get their act together and speak out.

Better yet, the human propensity for conformity will make minions even more uncertain about turning on the dominants when fellow minions kindly try to talk dissenting minions out of their "foolish ways".

The true voice of the minions exists, and that voice takes the form of the internet. It is a place where every commoner has, to a large extent, license to say what she wants. Be it seditious or plain insightful, the voice can exist, and people can hear when they wish to. Why would anyone let this space of the minions be taken over by the dominants?

What Is Honour

Honour isn't just about violence. It is about fighting for what you feel is right. How can fighting not be violent? Well, "fighting" is basically standing up for your personal code of ethics, or "honour". It is not about calling a duel over every imagined slight. When there appears to be injustice, speaking out is an honourable act. When a promise is made, honour dictates that it be kept. However, honour turns into foolishness when one tries to uphold an impossible promise.

The Child Within

When people grow up, they grow out of childhood and into adulthood. I think people suppress their childlike natures and take on adultlike natures when they grow up. Adults essentially are crippled children who will express only the parts of their true natures that are acceptable to the societies they are in. Children know no such inhibitions and are often allowed to do things which adults would not dream of doing. Such double standards are unusual, and somewhat imply the limits adults are placing on themselves just because they believe in their "right place". Adults must be responsible, bear themsleves with dignity and so on. Now, besides the law and order and productive society argument, how is it that even adults occasionally wish to let their inner child out? They want places where they can cut loose and all that. If all adults could agree that they're allowed to cut loose in a non-destructive manner anywhere they please, I figure they would jump at the suggestion. Strangely enough, this has never occured to people.

Yeasty

There can be few things more disgusting than yeast infections. They itch, they smell and they make funny looking messy things. Yuck. And that's not to mention that they seem to pop up as and when they like, often regardless of your personal hygeine. I'm so going to need something to clear that up.

Dad's on a holiday up north. What's disturbing is that I feel a sort of relief that he's not around, and almost wish that he wouldn't come back. I do not think I actually hate him that much. Maybe it's just a desire to be alone and kinda independent once in a bit, eh?

Saying No To Yourself

There is no greater disempowerment than saying no to oneself before someone else can do it. It is strange how many things are passed by on the grounds that "That's impossible" and "That won't work out". How does one know without trying! It is far better to try requesting a known impossiblility and being told "No" (which is the expected answer) than to not try at all and hazard losing the possible "Yes" that may come (all to gain, nothing to lose).
Also, why would one wish to accept the first "No"? Everyone is entitled to ask "Why?" in response to any negative answer. Too many people submit themselves to authority figures and discipline themselves before they are even sure that they are crossing a true out-of-bounds marker. Say "yes" to yourself for a change, and watch things really start to happen!

Stay Alive

I just watched Stay Alive with a friend today. I would call it an average to poor movie in terms of horror rating. It is singularly unoriginal in its presentation of its horror content, with liberal use of tension tracks and in-your-face goriness. I liked the concept, though, about a game that somehow becomes real. It reminds me of Phantoma from Serial Experiments Lain, and Penultimate, the computer program/virus that addicts users to the system itself. In Phantoma, the players become so involved in the game that they become unable to distinguish between the game and real world. Penultimate simply addicts users so deeply that they starve to death.

I like the way they used the vibration of the gamepads to signal that something "weird" is coming. It's reminiscent of Silent Hill, where the crackle of the broken radio tells you that monsters are arriving. Interestingly enough, I hear similar vibration sounds in my place, and I can kinda relate to how creepy the overall effect really is.

As for the overall content, I'm most impressed by their implementation of in-game items somehow affecting the real world. That's the one original idea they had, especially given the teamwork possible where the real world and game world are so intertwined.

After watching the whole show, I figured one thing: The players logged in and never logged out. Is it any surprise that the game kept running and players died simply because they weren't playing?

Feelings of Helplessness

I had weird feelings of helplessness through most of the previous week. I really felt like doing nothing because I was ineffectual. Now that's unusual since I usually feel rather up and ready to take on just about any ogre, giant or some other monstrosity that comes my way. Sometimes I wonder if it's because of the cycles, or because I'm picking up weird vibes from people around me. It does happen from time to time when I feel precisely what people do. Shields up!

The Past, A Present And The Future

Still standing at the crossroads, I am. Too many what-if's , really. I mean it's like what if I did this, or did not do that. But one never knows for sure unless one has trodden the path. The problem being that the path I have chosen may have been a result of foolish choices. However, what seems foolish now may prove to be the best darned thing possible in the future. *sigh* Hindsight is 20/20, after all.

Anyway, I find it strange that I feel bogged down by work yet still find time to chat online and write random stuff. Guess it's an issue of stress and a feeling of a lack of control. How can one have control when control isn't really possible most of the time?

Tweezers And Money

Strange dream, that one. I was at a challenge of sorts, and there was a box with a glass top. Under the top was a narrow slot. Within the box were compartments filled with money. The guy offered me a pair of tweezers and said that I could keep whatever money I could pick out with the tweezers. I found that I could easily reach the fattest wads at the furthest ends of the box. Getting all that money, the guy took a cut and said that I couldn't have the bunch. I was naturally unhappy, but kinda amused that I could beat the challenge so easily. Flexi fingers. heh.

Prayer And Crisis

People like to pray in times of crisis. Strangely enough, they never seem to deign it necessary to pray at other times. So I guess prayer doesn't really have a use for most people on "normal" days. Sounds a tad ungrateful and demanding, but then again, we're dealing with mortals. Most mortal creatures have so little power that they can't help but keep asking for assistance.

What Is Fate?

I do not believe in fate. Yes, maybe I'm fated to believe that. If fate were true and irrevocable, then people have no real choice. If they are born evil, there is nothing that change their evil nature except if fate wills it. That is bad, since people can basically sit back and let fate run their lives. Why do they even bother living? I think "fate" is only for the people too lazy or cowardly to take control of their lives. If you're poor, must you stay poor? If you're rich, can you improve your quality of life and/or improve others' lives? Fate is a nice thing to believe in because it can probably never be proven. But if that were the case, then religion is truly the opiate of the masses because its tenets can probably never be proven, and people believe in it regardless of its "real" truth.