Blood and ashes

The noose tightens, always. The inexorable momentum of the pendulum. Like a sword hanging over a head, it moves down, down, ever down. One is never free from the passage of time, though one may try for it. Swish, swish, swish. Cutting through without resistance. So many things consumed and passed on in the passage of time. A life, a candle flame in a windy room. *puff*

Flight of the Hummingbirds

Flitting about blossoms,
drawing the nectar in.
Staying only for a moment,

Reekin' Bots!

I'm getting a little sick of all these little blog-commentor bots. I know that nearly nobody reads my blog, and it's rather strange seeing "people" appreciating my blog and pointing me in the direction of some webpage. It's blog-spamming! I wonder if anyone is aware of this.

Oh, and my toe doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did when I slammed it. I figure it's probably healed back to functionality, since it doesn't hurt when I walk, and most of the redness and swelling's gone. Whew. Not sure if I dare to wear shoes just yet, though...

Freedom or Happiness

If one had to choose between the two, which would one choose? Should enlightenment be more highly prized than a rudimentary awareness and the contentment that comes with it? Humanity is often synonymous with freedom, and the machine-like dedication to the social juggernaut is often abhorrent. Should progress be for the sake of discovering The Truth, and what is it that The Truth can do? Would a contented and stagnated society ever be able to discover The Truth?

People are overly engrossed in their day-to-day survival and make no effort to consider the greater realities. This would probably not be a problem with the presence of an enlightened leadership. However, how can one expect sound leadership when the leaders were drawn from the same stock as the great unwashed masses... Besides, if the leaders were superior in some way, they should be the ones putting effort into improving the lots of their inferiors.

A Good Experience!

I think I may have fractured or at least badly sprained my little toe. I was kicking my shorts off and wound up smashing my little toe against the door frame. It looks really nice now. All black and blue (alright. More like brown and red) and Hurts Like The Dickens(tm). Given that it's swollen and hasn't recovered in 2 days, it's probably more serious than a mere bruise. All hail the new and improved little big toe! I'm feeling lame, but I've a right to, given how I'm limping about. Lamers unite!

Bullies

There was a boy being bullied on the train today. He had a cardholder worn around his neck. The older kid tore it after some horseplay. Upset, he started crying and lamenting about his father getting angry and violent. Instead of comforting the boy, the older kid jeered him, saying that he wasn’t afraid of the boy’s dad. The boys around him joined the alpha bully, teasing him and saying that they weren’t particularly afraid either. They moved away from the crying boy when the bully took a seat that was freed up.
Apparently, these boys prefer those with a macho façade and crying is a big no-no for them. While I was tempted to intervene, I also remembered that people should not be coddled but allowed to learn to fend for themselves. A sad but true fact of life.

Sheer Geekiness!

I managed to set up a 3-computer LAN without using a router of sorts. Best of all, my 3 systems can now access the internet simultaneously. Blame me for my cheapskate nature, being unwilling to buy a router to get them all online =p So...the current setup looks a little like this:

Old Navi (Ethernet cable) -----> Navi <----- (Firewire) Porta-Navi Wired It isn't the most elegant, but I do rather prefer to have wires connecting my systems rather than one of those radioactive and leechable wireless connections. They're expensive, too. *grin* Ok and I decided to buy that Sony DVD Writer after all. It came with some really cute gifts. One was a little circular screen cleaner, a keychain DVD opener and a retractable computer brush. The DVD opener really puzzled me because it was a little circular contraption with a small blade inside and a DVD case-sized slot on it's side. It turns out that the spring-loaded blade protruded when a little knob inside was depressed, slicing into the plastic wrapping of brand new DVD's. Nifty!
The computer brush had a penknife-style button on it's side that pushed the bristles out for use. No more worries about getting the bristles all messed up from improper storage! Kawaii!

In The Pipeline

I'm now considering the Sony DVD Burner. It looks mighty interesting, though the read performance leaves something to be desired. The front bezel does match my desktop casing, though... I think it would look mighty fine on my system. That's not to mention the fact that it's actually rather cheap in comparison to everything else on the shelves. I guess it would suit my basic needs, given the reasonable price. *draws crosshairs* I shall sleep on this.

Your Personal Web of Lies

A lie is revealed as a lie only when conflicting information turns up. If one is consistent in lying, everyone gets the exact same disinformation and wind up believing the lie simply because they reinforce each others' beliefs when they meet up to compare notes. Hence, one can easily be caught in one's own web of lies, but would probably get away with it if one would keep it simple. So ... go forth and spin your own web of lies today!


My mantis at my place, praying so hard for salvation.

Road Sweeps!

I was on a bus today, watching people boarding as I waited for it to leave the bus stand. There was a road sweep clearing leaves by the roadside, and I was mindlessly watching his strokes. Suddenly, he turned, grasped the broom by one hand and dashed towards the bus. I saw him grasp an elderly man by the elbow, supporting him as he was about to fall while boarding the bus. I admire his agility and awareness, since he managed to reach the old man before his daughter noticed that he was losing his balance. Best of all, he didn't drop his broom. Now there's a good road sweep!

A Tale

There was a child, going for the exams one day. Father was sick and bedridden, but Mother told the child to go for the exam, and make the family proud. Father forced a brave, reassuring smile, and the child knew what to do.
The child sat for the exam, answering all the questions with ease. It was as if Father was sitting together, helping out with the questions.
The child went home, rather pleased. The exam was aced for sure. Mother declared with a tearful eye, that Father died while the child was at school. Mother forced a brave, reassuring smile, saying that she knew, and was proud.
The papers came back, and the child's grades were high. The child sat by the beloved Father's grave, dictating the wonderful scores. Father would have been proud that the child didn't stay at home to watch him die. The child hugged the stone, and left the score sheet behind.

Use What You Have

I was just thinking about how some people have so many giftings and make little of what they have, and how others yearn for those gifts but have none to call their own. It's sad how so many people take their blessings for granted and never make an effort to develop them. I've a goodly number of people trying to follow their dreams but wind up being held back by their lack. I guess it's a very sad phenomenon. I'm in a similar situation half the time, figuring that life isn't worth living and that things just won't get better with time. They probably wouldn't, and such miracles are about as probable as winning the lottery. But still, I have hope, and that counts for something. Carpe Diem!

Oh and on a side note, I'm still mourning for the lost teeth. The gaps in my grinders will serve as a good reminder of the importance of action, and the consequences of indecisive inaction.

There Goes Another

I sent my friend off yesterday. He's going overseas to study and I hope he'd have a great time over there. By the gods! I'm running out of friends over here! But I am quite happy for him since he's got a shot at living someplace else. It was that same old scene at the airport again. It seemed like it was yesterday that I sent another chap off. And then I would recall how much I miss him too. But hey...life goes on. Besides, there's a rather screwy arrangement going on with my schooling, and I don't think I'd like the situation in the next semester. Blame my indecision, as usual. I'm probably the most indecisive individual for about 1 meter all around.

The Passover

Well, looks like the storm passed with remarkably few casualties and it seems that the anti-war protesters are out again. Guess it takes a national calamity to bring people to their senses.

Anwyay, I'm wondering what's chewing at my time. There are times when I feel that I'd not been doing anything in particular but still wind up spending lots of time. And they're not games, in case some people are thinking it.

The Storm of the Millennium

Two cat 4 hurricanes hitting roughly the same area. What chance is there? One would think it was divine retribution. Some think that the city of New Orleans was sinful and thus punished for its occult practices and gambling. I don't. I think this is all a result of the chaos spawned from the actions of humanity. That butterfly sure flaps its wings hard. These things are too unpredictable for people to point fingers about, but I think the Kyoto agreement would have helped some, and perhaps should be looked at a little more closely. I'm not some rabid environmentalist but I think something should really be done about the environment. The environmental changes are happening too rapidly and all sorts of terrible natural disasters are happening as a result. Maybe the droughts and starvation in Africa aren't a result of pollution. Maybe the storms are unrelated to global warming. Still, it's better to be safe than sorry. For one, I'm still roasting my butt off in the heat. I know for a fact that it is warmer now than it was a few years back. Got my temperature charts to prove it. Still, I pray that those in the hurricane-hit regions would be as well as they can be in the face of such a monstrous storm, and that the world leaders would find a way to handle such crises, if not work on reversing the damage to this earth.

An old friend

I'd just finished a very old game. I'm pleased to announce that it is really really old. Published: 1996. Title: Dust: A Tale of the Wired West. Actually, it was buried deep in some pile of random stuff in a dusty corner of my room. Now this is what I would call "Closure". It really is a nice way to finish another incomplete chapter in my life. Heh. I recall that my friend was convinced that I was unwilling to lend the game to him 'coz I kept saying that I couldn't find it. The irony (though expected) was that he didn't want to borrow it anymore now that I found it. Well, that's that. Another job well done, Fenrir.

Hamsters!

Someone did come up with a manual for the Hamster Fighting Machine! No...it isn't a machine that fights hamsters, but it really looks useful. I hope I don't end up doing Something Very Wrong, though. hee~~ So anyway, just refrain from stabbing people with your Hamster Fighting Machine(tm)

Think Different (In roughly the same way)

I would say that Apple is for conformists. No? I *know* that their designs are infernally cool (that's why I've an iBook and iPod =p). However, they're unique only because they have a minority share in the techno-market. Everywhere I go, that oh so darned pretty iBook exterior would be propped up somewhere. What if they were more common? Would the world be flooded with identical white (and undoubtedly pretty) casings? *shudder* Just a thought. It does sound like uniformity to me. *wink* I was just wondering where all the modded Apple items are hiding out. (And no...pasting stuff on your iPod shuffle does not really constitute modding)

Apple's really trying to stretch that iPod concept. With that new iPod Nano, I seriously wonder if the iFlea would actually become a reality. It really is rather weird to have equipment that happens to be rather small and have such large accessories to support its function. For example, I'd suspect that the Nano's charger and earphones would weigh more and be bulkier than the original item. Freaky.

No Foam!

It's official: iPod earphones feel better without their crummy foam covers. They look better, too! Anyway, I'd decided to just clean them more often and use antiseptics from time to time. Sure beats getting near earmuffs and getting my poor ears sore from sticking foam-covered stuff in 'em all day.

That Numb Ear

My iPod loves me and my handphone hates me. Proof? Here it is: My reflection in the ipod's shiny mirrored backplate is a whole lot cuter than the crappy photos my camera phone takes. Apparently, my camera phone is intent on emphasizing each and every ugly contour of my face. Bad, bad phone!

Oh and my ears are certainly numb. I was looking at my ipod earphone, wondering where one of the foam covers had gone. That foam cover always slips off. Thinking a bit, I'd figured that it wasn't likely that the foam cover simply fell off onto the floor. I'd instinctively checked my ear and found it lodged there. Ack!

A New Hazard on the Roads

Yeap. Fenrir's now a new road hazard. Beware the car that staggers about like a drunk on New Year's eve. One shot, one kill, says I. I'm pleased to announce that I'd managed to pass the practical driving test at the first sitting. Whew. And dangerously close to the failure mark, too. Ack.

Anyway, the day started with an early morning rousing. That was terrible, by the way. I was so sleepy and felt quite incapable of giving my best. I linked up with my instructor and drove myself to the test circuit, and did a trial round. The trial round went poorly and it seemed as if I had pretty much lost what little skill I originally had. Not to mention the fact that I'd wound up waiting like around 40 minutes for my tester to arrive (he was late.)

The circuit part of the test went pretty much without a hitch. I think it was probably cut a little short since the tester was late and we were under a time constraint. Understandably, I didn't point that out to him *grin*. I'm proud to declare that I had not so much as knocked a pole since day 1 of parking training till the actual test date! Fenrir banzai!

I would say that on-road was harrowing at best. Being overly nervous, I had forgotten my highway rules and didn't move out even when I had the right of way. Ouch. My instructor was stressing that I should re-enter the testing grounds by a certain lane after the on-road portion, and I did manage to do the exact opposite of that. Oops again. Well, anyway, I'm very grateful that the tester was kind and understanding, and passed me in the end. I guess he did feel a little bad about being so late and perhaps understood that I was rather nervous.

Now, back to Fenrisian Death-Sense, I did have some good vibes from him. I guess it was a touch of the "potential success" kind of a feeling when he got into the car with me. I don't believe in luck, but I do know when things are going right and that a sufficient exercise of skill and discretion would push things through. Well, anyway, here's to my new license! *huge grin* Candies all around!

Damnable Scales!

I woke in the morning, stepped on the scale and was unpleasantly surprised to have gained an entire kilo overnight! I then realized that I had forgotten to pee. Oh well.

I got my iPod yesterday! It was horrible, waiting for it. I was holding off visiting the com center for like a month, only to have them tell me that they had tried calling me but were unable to get through. And I was really really waiting for their call! Anyway, it was great. I like it a lot since the sound quality is Pretty Darned Good, and that it has this huge capacity for music (yeah, so you guys probably know this already). My main gripe is with that nifty mirrored backplate of the iPod 20gb. My prints are all over it. Augh.

Forgetfulness

It's horrible when you really want to write something in the blog and just forget about it before you can log it down. I'm having that sort of a problem right now, since I seem to forget stuff all the time. So much for being a scatterbrain.

Anyway, I was thinking of quitting Kendo. It's not so much of being unable to cope as being unable to bear the heat. *gah!* The armor is seriously warm and given how much I sweat even in light clothing, I probably wouldn't manage well. It is a pity, given the fact that I think I'm managing fine, and that my skills are improving. Perhaps I should just move to a cooler place and take it up there. *laughs*

Drivin' on 12 hours

I was well rested today, given my wonderful 12 hours of sleep. I really wonder how I'd managed to do that, in the first place. Feeling well rested, I'd managed to breeze through the driving lesson. It was one of the very few times I'd actually managed to handle things without grumbled at for doing things at the wrong time (normally because I'm feeling a little woozy and not really taking stock of happenings). So, here's to a successful driving test attempt. I really hope to make it on the first shot. It just means so much to me. Gambatte!

Nature Vs Nurture

Just when one would think that war and terrorism would be the worst things to hit humanity, nature decides to up the ante by inflicting another great kill count upon mankind. Nature vs the nurture of our greatest killers? No contest.

Anyway, it's rather ironic that the USA is so able to handle international incidents while having one hell of a time handling this terrible tragedy back home. I'd always felt that the defense of the homeland is far more important than pre-emptive strikes, especially when the action may lead to overextension of limited military assets. The military has always managed to step in and assist in such crises, but they happened to be away when they were needed most. Anyway, my prayers go out to the survivors of this calamity and I hope they have all the help they can get. New Orleans was a truly vibrant, beautiful city and I hope that it will be rebuilt better than it originally was.

Think Different

I was looking at the other laptops in the stores, and examined the catches on the laptop displays. I noted how most of them had hooks that stuck out. Others had no visible hooks as the displays were spring-loaded to stay closed when shut. I went home and had a good look at my ibook and wondered how the cover stayed shut. I had noticed the catch on it but never really bothered to figure out how it worked. So I closed it and heard the familiar click as the catch engaged. I looked into the gap and saw the hook switch down just when the lid was nearly shut. Very subtle. Moreover, as the catch wasn't exposed most of the time, it had a reduced chance of being knocked and thus broken off. Think Different! *laughs*

Heaven's a Lie

Yes. I still do like Lacuna Coil. A lot.

I was reading The Last Legion by Valerio Massimo Manfredi. It's quite a relief after finishing Dan Brown's Angels and Demons. Seriously, I do feel that the Dan Brown novel was even worse than the Da Vinci Code. To me, Angels and Demons was like the Da Vinci Code, only with hardly any veiling for trivia snippets and a rather less compelling storyline. The Last Legion, on the other hand, is more of a cinematic production stuffed into a book. The scenarios presented are vivid (as would be expected from the historian/archaeologist) and have depth to them. Even the period trivia pertaining to the story are well-woven into the storyline rather than sticking out like an appendix snippet within the prose. The story is set around 476CE, the time of Romulus Augustus and the fall of the western Roman empire. While I am not well-read when it comes to the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, I dare say that I did manage to form a rather clear picture of each scene as it plays out and that lends an authenticity to the story which is absent in Angels and Demons. I really did enjoy reading this text.


Peace

There is no anger,
only the peaceful, still leaves.
Change comes as change goes.

Klaatu verata nikto!

Klaatu*mumblekoffkoff* Yes. That word is haunting me again! Argh! I'll never escape it's evil clutches and the dead will rise again and lope around for no good reason at all! It's so very supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (and for no good reason at all). Yes, indeed, Evil Dead was perhaps one of the most senseless of all the zombie flicks I had ever watched. Worst of all, what's stuck in my head is not "groovy" but KLAATU VERATA NIKTO! I'll have to find an opportunity to use that word around an arcane tome when the zombies are about. Yes...I am talking about my maths textbook. Why dost thou torment me so?

The Chocolate Factory

I had just watched Charlie and The Chocolate Factory today. I'll never look at chocolate the same way ever again. I still feel that Jim Carrey would probably have done a better job at being a zany Willy Wonka. I think he did a great job at portraying Wonka as a rather disturbed character. He did lend a rather sinister overtone to the character, however. Why oh why was Saruman bringing Willy Wonka up? No wonder he grew up all weird. I do not think that this was Johnny Depp's best performance though I can't really think of him as a Michael Jackson analogue of sorts. All that richness and desire to be a father figure. Not to mention that wonderful complexion. Anyway, I'd really appreciated the Edward Scissorhands moment with those large scissors. I'm still wondering why Deep Roy seemed to have far more air time than Johnny Depp! Unfair!
Anyway, the show left me with a craving for Oompa Loompas and whipped cream. I'd been enjoying Willy Wonka candies before the reading book and watching the film. I'm happy to say that the film was Actually Good(tm). While it was actually a dark rendition of Roald Dahl's story, it wasn't overtly violent or grotesque. Violet's transformation was nowhere near as gross as those in Gremlins and the like. I feel that it was rather faithful to the original story and having the Oompa Loompas dancing to their satirical songs was a rather nice touch. So I'm gona give this movie the thumbs up. Two thumbs. One's for Depp.

Off the Radar

It's sad how websites actually go out of business from lack of funding. I had heard that one webmaster was going broke only after the site dropped clean off the radar. It was disconcerting, given the fact that I was accessing the blogs hosted on the site and realized that it was gone only when the plug was pulled. After assuming that the site had probably moved, I'd yahoo'ed it and came up with this rather sad site. I'd know, since I always seem to encounter Webmaster declaring that they need funding and everything, but never really saw any drop off just like that.

So, I guess the selfish me would have assumed that they were just interested in getting more money above and beyond what they'd get from advertising. This may be the case for some, but others may be in real trouble. Well, there goes Amberspace. Just another dose of reality, Fenrir.

Decisiveness

If ever there was a regret in my life, I would say that it was a lack of decisiveness. I am too indecisive, so much so that I had actually let outside forces hold the reins when I should have pulled them myself. I have learned a new thing, but the problem would be that too many things had been done that are irreversible. Too many discourses are going on inside my head, full of "What-ifs" and their insidious ilk. Very bad for mental stability. I feel that there is no point trying to tell this to anyone else, since one who is content to "go with the flow" would likely be disinclined to heed the words. Besides, there is always a possibility that going with the flow would turn out swimmingly without personal intervention. I guess the lyric "You don't know what you've got till it's gone" would be rather apt in this context. At this moment, one cannot conceivably turn the clock back and so one can only go forward in time. It's much better to not have to look back with regret though it may be part and parcel of life. Wise words and reality are hard to reconcile. Yeah sure. Someone could go like accept the facts of life and bla bla. How many can accept that at an intellectual level at least? And would believing in something like that for the sake of happiness constitute being true to oneself?

A Fenrisian question: If you had been given a choice to be reborn without the pet peeve, would you take that chance? And if you did, did you just choose to sacrifice what you are now? Self and choice. If a problem were made to have never existed at all, one would never have thought of this in the first place. Ignorance would probably be bliss, but consciously choosing ignorance for the sake of bliss would be a form of self-betrayal. Or would being "happy" be the greatest thing one can bestow upon oneself, whether the happiness is born of ignorance or closure...

A Shallow View

I am amused by how marketing and politics are so similar. Politicans make their sales pitch and then claim credit for their kills. It's probably the underlings or engineers (in a Dilbertean context) who'd be slogging to make stuff for the figureheads to dump on others. And when things get rough, people always wind up going after the politicians. So it all flows down, pushed to the engineers/researchers and whatnot. It is only the high level screw-ups that shake things up enough to cause the brass to take a beating.

A stick, a stone, a broken bone and a fallen word by the wayside

A stray phrase. It may not have much meaning to most people, but it may change the life of someone forever. Make your impression on the world today! Write something.

The human psyche works in strange ways. Just like how a song can stay in the head for no apparent reason, a single line of text (spoken or otherwise) may become someone's life motto. With great power...whatever. So this is a bit like what one might learn in Chaos Theory and stuff. Perhaps Hitler became what he was only because of a single phrase. Then again, maybe not. Just speculation, of course. The best part about speculating like this is that it's nearly impossible to prove that theory wrong. Hence, there would actually be some chance that I am right. Wow. Anyway, I was just wondering about how my insignificant writings would turn out before they faded into obscurity forever. Would someone pick them up and never credit them? Would they be quoted into eternity? Immortality through words so that the author may retire.

Goodbyes

Oops. There goes another. One of my friends has had a positive response for admission to an overseas uni. I guess I'm happy for him. Anyway, I'm running out of friends here, at the rate they're shipping out! Leave me behind, why don't you all. *sob*

So anyway, dark stuff time. I'm just keeping a record of my thoughts. Memory is just a record. Bla bla. At the moment, I'm probably having a serious suicidal thought a few days a week. Well, I can't say that they're actually serious since I find suicide a great dishonour. It's more like a thought of just ending it all. I get that a lot, actually. From myself, that is.

I was just thinking about business and how some people say that it's like an informed kind of gambling. I'd think so, really. Economic models are good estimates at best. Periodic fluctuations can and often destroy apparently sound investments. The principle of an economy running on hot air is simple: No matter where you are, everyone is always connected. That, and the Butterfly Effect.

Thinking

Why do people think? What do they think about when they say that they are thinking? Why is it that they can never seem to actually answer the question when it's asked?

Anyway, so I now understand how Kendo is so different from combat swordsmanship. There are many limitations to the authorized strikes, and I find myself using strokes I had never really used prior to the lessons. So, I think that this would be a good opportunity for me to hone my skills further and fix a certain weakness in my regular technique. Self-improvement. Like it.

Reaching Out From Beyond The Grave

Why, oh why doth thou torment us so, Shakespeare! Reaching from beyond the grave to make us understand your words! Well, I don't actually hate Shakespeare, but I'm really wondering why Shakespeare has to appear all over the place when it comes to literary studies. Don't answer that. Anyway, I'd decided to rewrite The Tempest in prose, just to prove to myself that I actually understand the story, and to incorporate my interpretations into the narrative. Something like killing two birds with one stone. It also makes it easier for me to go through the text quickly without missing stuff out.

I was meditating on my poor performance on day 1. I now understand that perhaps I was actually pulling my strokes. That means that I was not really allowing my hits to land. That's a bit of self-discipline I'd believed in, which is in not landing hits to deadly effect unless you mean it. Quite forgotten about the fact that the armor actually prevents the wearer from feeling any real pain. I'll keep that in mind during the next session.

Head boppin'

First day. Introduction to Kendo. I think I suck at it (like all the newbies do). Then again, I was pulling all my strikes since I didn't want to really jar the head of the guys in armor. That's mainly because I don't know my own strength. *laughs* Anyway, it does look interesting and I like it. Hence, I shall be going for the sessions. I think it'd be great fun! I'd always wanted to take up Kendo sometime and now's my chance.

Peacedale

I'm so seriously surprised. I was thinking of a name of a cemetery to use in my story, and Peacedale came to mind. Since it had sounded like a rather sensible name, I'd decided to run a search on it to see what came up. I was half hoping to not get a hit since people reading the story would probably compare it to the real life Peacedale cemetery if it had existed. To my chagrin, it did (though not entirely unexpected). It would appear that the banks of a stream near to Peacedale Cemetery in Bristol, Connecticut was known to be haunted by a white wolf. Now, it is uncertain whether there's an error in the article, but it's rather unlikely that even people with emotional problems would want to seek out a ghostly white wolf. Perhaps the "sought" in the article was meant to be "sighted", which would undermine the credibility of the reports. Nobody really believes what emotionally disturbed people see (not even themselves, sometimes). Anyway, so the character in my story actually had deep emotional problems and Fenrir's a wolf. Wow. *laughs*

Self and... self.

I was thinking about the situation I'm in and how hard it always seems to be to find happiness. And then I saw the unfortunates around my neighbourhood. Some were terribly poor, and others were disabled or deformed. Self pity does little good for anyone and it is extremely selfish at best. I guess one has to count one's blessings at least, since nobody is actually born perfect. One might seek a perfect life, but one must understand that there are always tradeoffs for certain perks. It is just a matter of how much one is actually prepared to sacrifice. So people feel that not having a personal life is a fair tradeoff for extra money. Fine, then. Anyway, this is just for telling myself to not wallow in self-pity, no matter how terrible life may seem.

The rain in Spain...

It's been raining for most of the day. I was at a lecture when I heard a strange sound that kept getting louder. I had assumed at first that it was the air conditioning. A quick glance to the window at the back of the lecture hall told the tale, though: It was raining. And quite heavily, too. (Note to Fenrir: Yeah. The maths lecture was terrible, but that was to be expected. I think the bio moudle would go swimmingly.) Anyway, I feel that rain doesn't actually lower my morale the way it does with others'. I guess it's because bright sunlight hurts my eyes somewhat, and I feel less stressed when the clouds are providing me cover.

I'm not really over my little low at the moment. Was on the bus when I'd overheard a guy talking to his friends about financial aid from the institution. I believe that it had something to do with his family. I'd felt a little sorry for him since I'm in a similar albeit watered down version of his situation. So anyway, that made me think of someone who was on scholarship and was forced by the company to study a rather undesirable subject combination. I guess that's the way it is with studies and obligations. And then I'm also confused about my choices. It's something like choosing between studying what I like and am good at (but is also not really in demand) and what I'm ok at and don't really like (but is marketable). It's really a matter of what I'd wind up doing with my certificates. I don't think I'd actually enjoy mainstream employment, and thus my concept of success in life doesn't directly coincide with others'. It's hard to ask the opinions of others, then. I guess I'll just go with my gut for now.

Another time, another place.

Ok here I am again, just sitting in front of my desktop and hammering at the keys. The addition to the Family is interesting, though. My Mac's sitting on my lap like a rather warm cat. (Feels just about as heavy, too. It's even got the slight vibrations to signal that it's alive.) I think it's nice to have two systems running at once, lulling me to sleep with their humming, whining and all the various computer-related noises they make. That, along with my mp3s playing in the background. Still feeling rather down today, though I can't really explain it. Actually, I think that I am just being depressed again and all, since I'm having these chocolate cravings. I always seem to have chocolate cravings when I'm going to feel down. Cause and effect? Chicken and egg?

So anyway, that aside, I'd just had my first batch of lectures on my literature-related modules. It's sweet to be finally studying stuff that I actually understand. In fact, one study module had seemed to be so similar to what I do on a daily basis that I've a feeling that I wouldn't really need to study for it. That remains to be seen, however. *crosses fingers*

Now, to the audience (including you, Fenrir!). Why the hell am I writing this, and why the hell are there people reading it? Just wondering, actually. I guess it's ok to whine once in a way. My blog's a whine repository anyway. Venting is good. Helps prevent pent up frustrations from becoming destructive when explosively released.

That Thing You Do

Yeah, and so like I'm doing the PMS'y thing again. I was shopping with mom when she suddenly stopped to avoid one of those hand-operated crate lifters. Being directly behind her, I bumped into her and promptly lost my cool, blurting, "Hey! Move it." I'm always irritated by the way she always stops for stuff that can be simply dodged or walked over. So, like, she went all quiet and started evading me. I got rather riled up and so I just headed home without saying a word.

Ok, so I knew that I was being rude and all, but I really didn't (and still don't) knoe why I was being so touchy. I guess it could be due to the fact that she had roused me a little early and that I was half asleep. Never be anywhere near me when I'm half asleep. It's a health hazard. Mental, physical, whatever.

So by the morning light...

Was just listening to Anywhere by Evanescence. Now, I know that many of my friends do not like Evanescence very much, but I dare say that I like the lyrics a whole lot. I guess it's just because of the group's apparent gothic image despite their claims to the contrary.

I believe in dreams and in chasing them. That is why I am so affected by them. I believe in chasing one's dreams despite how hopeless a situation may seem. If one is unhappy with one's condition and place in life, chasing dreams may be everything that's required to break free from the mire of hopelessness and move towards a happier existence. Chasing what some may regard as false hopes may be potentially self-destructive, but it may also lead to transcendence. I think that only those who refuse to step away from their comfort zone of "reality" would be unable to go beyond the bounds. I am a dreamer, and always will be, I guess.

The Mac Saga

Yes...I am still working at my new Navi. I dare say, though, that everything is going swimmingly. I had just obtained a sweet little pink mouse should I have a proper place to deploy the laptop. Not just any pink. "Sakura pink". It's compact and *with a touch of irony* made by Microsoft. The instructions on the mouse manual and warranty card were all in japanese, so it was a fairly lucky thing that I can read some of it. So, anyway, I'd just managed to get the mac to access some of my email and regretted it immediately: The entire load of desirable and undesirable emails just flooded my inbox. Everything was a mess for a moment there until I'd sifted through the rubble. Now my mp3 collection is safely on my iBook and I guess everything's gona be just fine. Actually, I am rather surprised at the ease with which I had managed to set stuff up on the Mac, given the fact that I had totally no experience fiddling with such stuff. Idiot proofed indeed. Well, that or because Microsoft had copied much from the OS.

The Pains of Birth

My iBook has finally arrived and I'd taken pretty much the entire afternoon just trying to figure out how to connect it to my PC through a LAN. Given the fact that most of my friends are either PC or Mac users and that they have routers, I am in a good position to say that I actually had a tough time doing just this simple task. I try not to impose on others, but this is unavoidable because of my lack of skill in this area. Anyway, I owe this feat to a couple of my friends. One's used to doing networking stuff and it's because of him that I'd managed to actually run the initial config. The other guy was more of a Mac user, so he understood my problem a little better. Between the two of them, I'd actually managed to get the job done. Banzai tomodachi! Anyway, I am now doing what would probably sprain the brains of some people: Running two different OS' at once and constantly switching between the two. I really like the specs of my iBook, though. 1.42ghz, 1gig ram and 60gb hdd. Fairly hefty for a laptop, and at a reasonable price, too! Guess the weight and compatibility issues are the only gripes I'd have about it. Currently trying to run the battery down for calibration and I'm finding that it's taking a rather long time. Fascinating.

All's well with the earth

Alright, I've succcessfully obtained the study modules I like and I am really quite pleased about it all. Everything feels right when you're studying the right stuff, apparently. I would dare say that it is a huge morale boost. I've been a bit stressed since school had started and I guess I'm now getting back into the swing of things. So here goes!

I've also been fascinated by this particular track by Loreena McKennitt, entitled The Highwayman. I think I rather do like tragic stories for some reason. Perhaps it is because I am feeling that pang of self-pity which I had been trying to keep down all the while. I know at an intellectual level that I am not supposed to just feel sad about myself and all, but there really isn't much that I can do at this juncture to fix things. I still have a long way to go so I guess I'll just have to hang tough. Got to finish school, work, save up, ship out of the coop and get a house bla bla. I hope that I am not delaying things too much, winding up too old to enjoy myself by the time I manage to set everything up. It sucks, being set back by a couple years.

Post of the Month

I'm in love with this mouse. *hinthint* Just how often can we have everything on a single Apple mouse? They had finally given in and addded a second button to those things. Go Apple!

All I can say is that I am rather messed up. Been trying to write but I've been feeling that my story isn't turning out as well as it should because of the plot holes and stuff. That is, not to mention the lack of focus I'd been experiencing lately. I do hope that it will pass.

The Geek

I'm is officially a geek. Here's a transcript of what had transpired:

[friend1]u going swimming?

[me]oh wait...is it available online?

[friend2]HOW GEEKY IS THAT!

[friend2]LOL!

Now, I've a certain penchant for searching for all sorts of data online. Like I really don't know what I'd do were it not for my Navi. *hug* Anyway, I was doing my usual thing and had figured that information pertaining to the opening and closing times of the swimming complex would be conveniently posted on a related website. My response, understandably, was rather hilarious when read by a third party (namely, my friend). No, I do *not* swim online and yes, do please make an effort to take me out of context.

Well, for the rest of the day, I'd gone and reencountered The Gender Genie which is a scripted site with an algorithm for approximating an author's gender. I am rather skeptical when it comes to the algorithm's accuracy because people from different regions have different writing styles and "like" need not be a word per se for it is often used as a figure of speech. Take everything with an ocean's mass in salt, says I.

A new beginning

Yep yep. Back to studies for me and I guess I won't be blogging quite so often because I'd be bogged down with all that work and stuff. Everything's new so I'll just do my best. I can handle the Science course though I feel that I'd probably do better at the Arts. Hence, I am set for a little switcheroo. I hope that I would actually succeed and maybe enjoy studying a little more. The career prospects may not be so great initially but I have confidence that it would not be bleaker than if I had not switched. Good hunting to me!

The rise of the proletariat.

Karl Marx wasn't entirely wrong. Here's an example of a standard deviation bell curve of a "normal" community. The far left of the curve represents the bums and social parasites. They do nearly no work but receive nearly no pay. As we move to the right, we encounter the part timers and equivalent. They do little work and receive little pay. Halfway on the rising part of the bell curve, we have the average workers, who do increasing amounts of work for proportionally less pay(though more in absolute terms). Most of the proletariat fall into this category. Even "high flying" salarymen can only go so far (to around the top of the bell curve) because they eventually get burned out from overwork. Those near to the top of the bell curve tend to be low-grade managers and overworked supervisors who are pressured by the top management to keep up with deadlines, and hit from below by disgruntled grunts. Not really an enviable position given the small pay difference. These are the leaders who actually have to do work. Now, after the turning point of the bell curve, workload decreases as pay increases. Why? This is because of increasing delegation of labour to the lower echelons. Actually, only upper management personnel have such work-pay ratios. Only at the extreme right of the curve do we encounter those who are the envy of the masses. Landlords, company founders (who actually aren't really too involved) and commercial criminals. These earn more money than most but simultaneously do less work.

The Mac Saga

Yes! Finally settled on an iBook. I daresay that I had quite a sweet offer, actually. Originally, I'd wanted a PowerBook. After that, I'd gone home to mull over the offers. Today, surprise of surprises, they had offered a new package of upgrades! That tipped the scales in favour of the 14" iBook, really. I had actually found that out when I went to chatter with the same salesman whom I'd met yesterday. I'd asked him about the offers and he declared that there was a new one. So here I am, finally settled on that iBook. It may be heftier, but I think I like the appearance more. Moreover, its features were quite similar to those on the 12" PowerBook. Well, apart from the fact that its actually a whole pound heftier. I'd heard that iBooks were more durable, anyway, so it's a bit of a tradeoff between armor and mobility. *grin* The superdrive leaves much to be desired, as PowerBook superdrives burn DVDs more quickly and can burn dual layer DVDs. I think it shouldn't be a real problem because I'd prefer to do such things on my faster desktop. Go iBook!

I'll have a big mac, please.

I've finally decided to get a mac. (Fenrir approves!) One of the slimming ones. Slimming for my wallet, that is. We have a sweet deal on the PowerBook and it comes with a nice discount on an ipod (which I'd pretty much wanted, too). I was actually waiting for a decent ipod discount to fall on my lap. Here it is, and here's I go. Actually, I regard my transition to a Mac as a rather more exciting event. I'd call it a significant milestone in my life. Actually, I had quite a time deciding between the lighter Fujitsu laptop and the heavier and more expensive PowerBook. The cuteness factor of Apple's PowerBook won out, of course. Not to mention the fact that I already have two powerful desktop PCs and I don't really need a 3rd PC cluttering my den. I'd figured that should something not work with the Mac, the worst case scenario would involve my dashing home and processing everything on my desktop. Heck, that's the reason for my obtaining my rig. I was supposed to be the main powerhouse and gaming platform. Guess I've expensive entertainment equipment. Spendthrift. *cradles burnt wallet*

All your base are belong to us.

Ok. Break's like ending for me and there really isn't much that I can do about it. Actually I suppose that I should have more outings. Time to get back into the swing of work and maybe meet new people. Something like ...go places, meet interesting people ...kill them. New beginnings and great changes are stressful events and should be carefully managed, lest they become overwhelming. I'm overwhelmed. *drowns* Help me to breathe.
Fenrir has been certified as INFJ. That means Fenrir might be unhealthily introverted, moderately feeling and intuitive, and a rather poor judge. *pats Fenrir* I'd think that's a step back from an earlier test, results of which had slipped my mind.

The Donut Peach Fiasco

Ok...bought donut peaches. Do those things taste terrible. Something like slightly sweetened cotton wool. I'm not sure if it's like that across the board, but my parents are quite certain to never try those things again. My friend claimed that they were smashing(in a good way). He'd bought a different brand of peaches from a different store. Never realised that there could be such a vast difference in the texture and flavour of similar fruit. Kinda like those horridly expensive Fuji apples from Japan that taste rather spongy and flat in comparison to the cheaper china Fujis that are sweeter, jucier and crisper.

Steaks! And...pasta spoons.

Had a go at Kingdom of Loathing. It's a lame online game with terribly simplistic graphics and fall-off-your-seat hilarity in item descriptions. It's also good for those with little time to play games since there are only so many turns available in a day. Prevents addicts from playing all day, or logging on multiple times in a day. Reminds me of a GUI for an old MUD drawn by preschoolers. The item and scenario descriptions are priceless, though.

Food of the day: Steak! It's the first time I actually had a go at preparing steak for the family so I guess it was a fair attempt. Major mistake was not paying enough attention to the fat and tendon so the stuff wound up being undercooked. (oops) On the plus side, I'd managed to get the meat just browned in places and medium-well on the inside. Fluffy red without the grey-red rawness of uncooked steak. Seasoning's simple: Just pepper and a small amount of herbs. Like I keep telling my parents, good meat needs little to no sauce to bring out the flavour. My father insists on getting non-flat cuts of sirloin. I insist that such cuts wouldn't turn out good steaks. Guess it depends on how much one is prepared to fork out for a good steak.

A day of links

Fenrir has been up to something again, I'm sure. Wow. I'm not sure Fenrir Nightwolf is like that, though. I should ask sometime.

If anyone likes Dolls, do visit this page. If you don't like dolls, but like flash animation, do visit this page, too.

Ok. Now agonizing over whether to get a Mac or a PC laptop. Salva nos deus. A Mac costs so much more, but it's got a nice touch of elegance and lightness to it. Plus, it's got great features for a laptop, since my current PC desktop is well equipped to handle my gaming needs for the next 3 years or so. I do not believe in gaming on a ridiculously small computer. Anyway, the only problem is that I'm eyeing the newer PowerBook that costs quite a hefty sum. Plus, I'm quite unsure as to exactly what I'd need to run on the Mac. I presume that it has access to most if not all of the software I'd need for basic function. Good opportunity for me to figure Macs out, too. I think I might just make the plunge at the next IT fair. Computer transition!

A disillusioned Republican

This article was by an ex-Republican, who had chosen to speak out regarding the recent developments on his side.

I know it's probably not news to many people, unlike the latest, apparently minor explosions in London today.

More words

Commonly confused words. One of those tests one might do when bored or trying to test one's mettle. People who know me better might predict how poorly I fare at such tests.

I was tempted to write something devastatingly depressing today but I'd forgotten while reading through the afternoon. (Note to Fenrir: Notepad! Use the notepad!) I can't be sure if I'm actually depressed or just incapable of feeling contentment. Being a perfectionist in quite a few areas can do terrible things to one's happiness.

Cleaning is actually a chronic drudge. No matter how I clean the room, dust bunnies keep showing up. That's besides the mysterious mountains of clutter that keep appearing no matter how much I tidy. Ugh.

Humans and reproduction

It is probably safe to assume from empirical evidence that natural humans should have a drive to reproduce. This natural urge to have children should be present in most, if not all, people. In modern society, there seems to be an increasing number of people who had lost the urge to reproduce. They could have directed their objects of desire elsewhere or they had plain lost the desire to have children. This could be due to economic pressures, such as an inability to provide the offspring with at least basic education and perhaps some measure of luxuries. It is also known to be present amongst the career-minded, who, though having the financial means to support children, are unwilling to do so due to work commitments. This phenomenon has led to an aging and perhaps even decreasing population in some developed countries.

Now, this could be an indication of an erosion of cultural and religious values. Christians believe that their deity had wanted the people to increase in number by reproduction, likewise with many other religions. Nobility had demanded heirs of their descendants. Traditionally, Asians had desired offspring to marry off or perhaps to help with the farm work. This carries on today as some culturally rooted parents pressure their children into having offspring. A lack of rooting in cultural and religious heritage could have led the modern generation to be desirous of remaining childless after marriage or even avoiding the commitment of marriage. It would seem that the pressures of living in the busy modern age alone are sufficient to override years of history.

The question at hand is, just how many people who actually had children had them of their own volition rather than as a result of social, cultural or parental pressures?

Eyes to the ground, mind your own business.

Social cuing. Humans are social creatures that like to follow the crowd. It just so happens that this aspect of human nature is emphasized and even encouraged in some cultures. These cultures believing in hammering the nail that sticks up. Sometimes I wonder if it is this instinct that prevents people from standing up to oppression (or just plain bad policies) and causes those who oppose it to act in strange (strange being relative) and radical (relative too) manner.

People in busy places like large cities seem to have stronger tendencies to mind their own business. It could be because they are too tired to actually observe what goes on around them, or it could be due to their mental preoccupation. It is hard to tell if people are plain jaded or just apathetic. For example, a commuter had claimed to have observed the potential London bomber repeatedly dipping into his backpack in a rather flustered manner. Now, hindsight being 20/20, people would wonder why he didn't approach the bomber or at least feel suspicious. Was it because of his being used to such unusual conduct on public transport (he did find it out of place) or was it because he had no reason to suspect that such a malicious deed was in progress? Another example would be when chinese people in China let a person drown while they were haggling over the price for getting involved. Some people seem to value money more than the lives of others, apparently.

Now, the question of the day is whether people are unwilling to step forward because of the herd instinct, or because of the modern lifestyle. I know one thing for sure, though. Standing in the middle of a busy pedestrian walkway while pointing and looking at the sky would not really draw a crowd of curious onlookers like it used to.

Getting out of that shell

The internet is a shell of comfort. One can be a hero (without being laughed at) by moving into the cyberworld and hiding behind some goofy avatar. I know of a friend who's like that. It's fairly dreadful, spending a nice long break just playing games. I'm wondering how much better I am, stuck on the internet blabbering words that don't really matter and watching anime. Bloggers are an interesting bunch. Some bloggers are rather vocal online and discuss personal issues as if the entire audience were their friends. In contrast to their online personas, bloggers might just clam up in real life. Makes one wonder if online people are socially inept in some way.

Life always seems to be meaningless. Well, that or maybe just generally unproductive. Maybe it's because I'm not making any sort of lasting impact on the world at large. Would what I do really matter anyway. Don't answer that. Everyone turns out to be cogs in the great economic machine (Fenrir's note: CLICHE!) and individual meaning in life has to be sought somehow. So...what some define as having done stuff in life may not always apply to everyone. By my definition, however, my friend's been wasting all those months of freedom. That's just my take, of course.
My parents feel that people should work as an occupation, or a means by which one might burn his/her spare time. I do not understand that concept. There are many things that can be done without one having to resort to work (except maybe to earn enough money to survive and stuff).

Frankly, I'm not getting along at all with my parents at times. They just have a totally different social outlook. My father's overly cautious (and realistic) and mother's probably too emotional. Father's always a downer, considering worst case scenarios for every dream that I may have. Mother just doesn't get it when I present my vision to her, and I just wind up upsetting her and making her feel that I'm lazy. Early retirement is a bane, in their eyes, even if there is sufficient money to facilitate that. Anyway, yeah. It's a bit hard to confide in them. Strange that I can't even confide in my closest blood relations. No point saying more stuff to alienate dad and reduce mom to a nervous wreck. Love you both no matter what. *sigh*

Bitter asian men!

Bitter Asian Men

No...it isn't a porno link. I find it highly amusing, however. Perhaps that explains why asian guys are always so depressed. Hmm.

Capstone

Capstone in place. Final touches to general cleaning of room complete. Now all that's left is to make the place seem comfortable enough to actually work in. Maybe a little redecoration of the place and some paint/wallpaper.

It's incredible how much junk can pile up when one doesn't really care for 6 years or so. Every nook and cranny ends up full of dust and all sorts of weird items tossed about. It's archaeology, then it's flower arrangement. I should write some haiku about room tidying.


Room

The spring. Come, gone.
Surroundings once buried, cleared.
Transformed and reborn.

Gadget of the day

http://www.artlebedev.com/portfolio/optimus/

Oh darn. I really could do with one of these. The cool factor's there, but I'm uncertain about the durability of this rig.

Cogito ergo numb

It is cool to be sick of things. Everything is worth getting sick of. We get sick of people, food, life and whatever else can come to mind. What, exactly, happens, when we eventually get sick of feeling sick? Is it possible to think oneself into numbness? I've encountered a couple individuals that I can only classify as "numb". Perhaps it is shown by a general apathy to work and life in general, or perhaps an inability or unwillingness to express opinions regarding issues.

Anyway, I had tried the numb routine in which I'd just pretty much disregard everything that went on around me. Maybe like read a book or essentially space out. It doesn't work. Worse, still, stuff comes back out of the past to haunt the present (which, by Murphy's Law, happens only at the worst possible time) and increasing the risk of a mental breakdown from excessive stress. I wonder if there is a way to compartmentalize one's life and pretty much handle impossible issues only later on when solutions become possible.

Ok. That aside, I'd been wondering about pizzas. Why are some mozzarella toppings so chewy, stringy and essentially "yummy" when the stuff I use always winds up tasting like starch? Starchy-tasting mozzie doesn't improve even when amounts are reduced or increased. I'm quite sad about that. The only consolation is that I know that generally delicious pizza from the same nice pizza chain varies in quality, too. Some places put too little pepperoni into it, and others just don't make them "perfect" like the few really good ones at the joint.

Speaking of mozzies...there's a flying mosquito in my room that I'm calling Bugger. She obviously has had commando training. There's a massive mozzie hunt out there, but there's no end in sight. I hope to nail her before she dies of old age. =p

Saying good bye to a dear friend.

Saying good bye to a dear friend.

It’s happened. I’ve finally gotten down to chucking that crummy old p-133 tower away. It was my old friend. *salutes, 21 gun salute, Last Bugle playing, flag-covered march past* A rather dear old friend. And so now I must be a speaker for the dead…or discarded.

That old Navi was the first system I’d had that could actually play Red Alert without some serious lag. It could play Command and Conquer and Warcraft 2 without a hitch. It was reliable, quiet and almost never hung on me (can’t say the same about my new rigs). 4 generations of Navis back, it had actually taken me through Dust, A Tale of the Wired West and Conquest of the New World. In fact, that was my second rig since I’d moved from consoles. I’ve never looked back ever since. Farewell, old friend, and may you find rest. *puts another CPU chip on the display board*

This really does remind me of a time about 2 years back when I’d sent another (person) friend off. Except, that one was a bit less of a funeral and had more crying to it. I could say that he was (and is) the best friend I’d had since…I was born. His sisters were at the airport with me, and we’d bid him a farewell. He was going overseas to study. It was then that the older of his two sisters (who was still younger than him) decided to break down and cry. Now, he’d used to go around town with me, browsing the bookstores and essentially hoofing it all around. And now that I’m nearing the end of my long break, I kinda realize exactly what he’d meant to me back then. I don’t have a companion to march around with anymore. I’ve got friends, sure, but none of whom are actually as alike as him and I. Outings would end earlier than they have to, and if I’d obliged to follow all the way, I wouldn’t be having as much fun as I’d normally would. *closes another chapter in life*

Haiku

Cherry Blossoms

The cherry blossoms,
Spreading petals to the breeze,
A grand sight it is.



Sentinels

Sentinels watching,
eyes as dead as the winter.
The eternal guards.


It's strange, but whenever I stay up, I get the inspiration to write haiku. Or poetry. Or essentially write something. Anything.

Tabula Rasa, anyone?

It's probably safe to ignore the following praragraphs. I'm in a blabbering mood again.


Tabula Rasa. Clean Slate. John Locke was the one who had thought up the concept, which had suggested that minds were blank at birth, and were programmed with data only through experience and observations.

I was thinking about this philosophy while observing people around me. It would seem that peoples’ experiences shape the way they turn out to a great extent. For example, people of a region have a tendency to think alike because they share a similar pool of experience. The external influences introduced into a region are also likely to create a group of “deviants” or “heretics” who have different views from the rest of the community.

Now, taking Berkeley’s philosophy (that things that are perceived actually exist) into account, how would such a group form should there be no such external factors? Lacking the knowledge of the existence of external schools of thought, opposing schools are formed due to the opposition to what is taught or learned in the existing environment.

Hence, I think it is more of a matter of belief that shapes people. Learning can’t really be forced. One has to believe what one is taught before one can actually learn it. Even if it is say…some terrible subject like mathematics, one has to believe in it at some level in order to apply it. I, for one, do not believe in most formulae, so I do poorly in mathematics. Neat excuse. =p

That’s also part of the reason why the national indoctrination program called Civics is not something that’s churning out generation after generation of fanatical patriots.

The usual suspects

The guilt always gets to me. I'm a snacker and a slacker. I get the munchies every now and then, which is a fairly bad thing. For one, I know at an intellectual level that most snacks I'd like to have are totally unhealthy and rather fattening. The problem is, of course, that I don't really have a taste for anything else. Now, I'm not fat or have health problems or anything, but I feel really bad about pumping some of that stuff into my body. Gota be strong, I guess. Mmm. Hope jogging about and doing a bit of a workout every other day would help some.

Fate

I, for one, do not believe in what they call "fate". I do not believe that all things are predetermined and that there's nothing you can do if you're "supposed" to die tomorrow. Well, I think there's probably nobody alive right now who can prove it anyway. Genetics may play a part in determining if someone's likely to get cancer and die from it, and maybe a facial feature determined by that same genetic defect may indicate the same thing. This however, is not a certainty, either. It's just an increase in the probability of an unlikely event to occur. If people won't like to read about stuff like this, please skip the following paragraphs. It's probably a tired idea for some thinkers anyway.

I was propping my pillow up and pondering about the nature of free will, and was thinking about people like spheres in a sea of spheres. When a certain sphere moves, everything around it is affected. Other spheres are pushed or pulled along by the motion, much like a spreading ripple when a pebble is tossed into a pond. Now, the question is whether that particular sphere had moved of its own accord, or it was pushed. Maybe it moved north (north being a specific direction relative to an imaginary standard) because it was being pushed from the east, west and south. To the sphere, it was moving of its own accord, because it moved into a path of least resistance and had probably benefited itself in some way. Satisfaction is gained from the knowledge that it is free to move.

Now, we zoom out and view it from a larger perspective. Far to the south, another sphere had moved north, forcing the earlier sphere to move north because of the resultant motion. So the southern sphere had, in effect, "forced" the northern sphere to move north as a result of its actions. Now, if the spheres were packed to near-full in a three dimensional space, it becomes even harder to find the original stimulus that had influenced the northern sphere's motion. Likewise, I believe that "fate" as people call it, is the result of the actions of people around us. It's just that the action was so far removed that its source is hard or impossible to trace. Complicating the matter is that actions that had occurred years ago can still have effects to this day.

On the whole, I feel that nothing that ever happens is a result of fate. It's all cause and effect. Being "lucky" isn't because one has some force pushing everything in a favorable direction. That "lucky" person just has influences that make desirable outcomes occur at that point of time. That exact same outcome could be undesirable to someone else, in a classic case of "one man's meat". That's why I don't believe in "luck" either. Even "luck" can be avoided if one has sufficient leeway and skill. Some of my friends are staunch believers in luck, and I'm not about to try to change their perceptions. I just don't like it when they insist that they're right and I'll see that they're right eventually. I've even had one claim that I was "unlucky" specifically because I didn't believe in "luck". The inverted commas are there because "luck" may be given other names by other people. It's strictly semantics at work here.

I just believe in cause and effect. Someone did something, and that's why terrible things happen to individuals. Interestingly enough, the environment is playing along as well, so we occasionally have the rough equivalent of a child jumping into a ball pit, tossing spheres everywhere. It's a complicated universe out there, especially if one believes that there are more than four dimensions to the current reality.

The Little Mermaid

I was thinking about the story of the Little Mermaid (the original tragic one) and about how one might decide to give everything up to become what one wishes to be, yet fail to achieve anything despite all that sacrifice. Most would feel that such a terrible outcome is unfair, but life itself is unfair. By Murphy's Law, bad things happen, and they happen all the time. It may be heart-breaking, but it is also reality. The question would probably be: Would one wish to take that chance, and gamble for happiness?

I've had a theory from some years past. Kinda rediscovered it when I was going through my old diary. Maybe life's like a role-playing game (RPG). It'd be such an irony if the players (namely, the participants in life) had selected their own attributes before birth, and had no recollection of that choice the moment they started playing (as in, they were born). So every player starts off with a certain equal number of attribute points. Points could be gained by assigning negative attributes, and points are spent on assigning positive attributes. Lazy players could even assign a whole slew of bad attributes so that the character would not be required to do much in life, and still get a high score at the end of the game (since unspent attribute points increased the score). Some players just preferred to have their points zeroed so they assign a mix of good and bad attributes.

Ok so I know that the concept is rather goofy, but I think it's delicious irony. Maybe everyone made the choice about what they'd wanted to be in life, but since the players had no recollection of the fact that they'd made the choices, they'd wound up dissatisfied with their lot in life, assuming that some awful force of nature was toying with them.

It's a bit of a play on the idea of one being on the seat of judgement against oneself after one dies. There was a suggestion that the person would be the one sitting on the seat when it came to judgement day. Food for thought. Still a little upset about the decisions one often makes in pursuit of happiness, and how it has a good chance of backfiring.

Another Entry!

This image came from my cousin and it's too good to pass on.



I. Love. It.

Driving

My driving instructor's feeling unwell today. Poor chap. Hope he gets well soon. Well, do be fair, I do drive like a drunk. That is, when I'm not looking the wrong way when it comes to moving around bends. Heh. I'm about as crappy in the games as I am at the real wheel. Well, at least I don't smash into walls the way I normally do in racing games. Gota figure a way to not release that clutch too quickly when I'm trying to move off at a good pace. Hmm.

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

Neat line for those who understand what it really means. And for the uninitiated, no. I don't have a living grandfather and this is not about him.

Battle of the trees

Why do the years pass by in a blur, with one taking no heed to their passge?
Why do the memories fade though so dear, to be recalled only in yellowed tomes?

Alright, so I'd been going through my old journals and thinking about my past. Frankly, I'm quite amazed at the level of self-loathing I'd harboured since the teenage years. I still hold such thoughts at some level of awareness. I cannot say more, which is why I spend so much time just staring out of the window in the wee hours of the morning.

Loreena McKennitt has some truly smashing songs. I had always liked music with medieval imagery and rather subdued tunes and lyrics. No songs of violence or screaming black metal. Those would bore me at best and repulse me rather violently at worst.

Engrish

A superb specimen of Engrish that I had noticed sitting on a packet of jackfruit chips:

By a special system, the chemical substance is not used in the manufacturing process for the fresh fruits processing into dried products in maintaining their nutritive facts, natural colours and flavours.
These products have also a good smelling and crunchy feature which will give a good taste and provide more nutritive facts, vitamin, mineral salt necessary to the organism and protect from the extra glucoza.


Interestingly enough, I had actually dared to consume the contents of this product on faith alone that the relevant health authorities had screened it and determined that it is free of unhealthy chemical substance that the producers were unable to identify.

"Shock and Horror"

I was thinking of writing something funny today, but those guys have done it again. Though nowhere near to the 9-11 all-time high score, it has certainly shaken the Londoners up. Numerous blasts within a short time period and hundreds of casualties. What is sad is that such an incident had occurred despite precautions put in place since the Big One. I really cannot understand why and how some people could ever consider killing and maiming hundreds of civilians just to get their way, be it in war or terror. Anyway, that is the domain of those involved, though I can say for sure that such actions are without honour.

It's such a shame that something like this should have ever happened. *sigh* Anyway, went out with a friend today and she was introducing me to another MLM firm. After a brush with one, I'd figured that MLMs were just another way for a company to make huge bucks while having a large number of people slogging at the bottom. I don't mean to be nasty and all, but the reality is that when the customer/seller base grows exponentially, there will be a saturation point within a short period of time wherein all new members would have to be consumers and be unable to enjoy the full benefits of MLM membership. Simply put, like pyramid schemes, MLMs will eventually cause those at the bottom to suffer. And if the ones at the bottom give out, the entire scheme would eventually shrink if not collapse, just like a pyramid scheme. The only benefit is that those involved with MLMs need not fear that the company is fly-by-night. They tend to make some effort to stay reputable.

I think my mood's spoilt for quite a while, so I don't think I'd be writing happy stuff for awhile. Ugh.

The evil cam phone

Fenrir's phone strikes again! Alright...admittedly, the phone's camera is seriously bad, but hey...if it gets shots that are at least barely recognizable...


Yes. Incredible, isn't it, what the Japanese can come up with when it's transliterated/translated to English? I shan't make further comment.


Yet another amusing product at the mart. I seriously wonder who they'd consulted for the name of their product.

War of the Worlds?

Watched War of the Worlds with a friend today. I can't fairly say that the show's downright bad, but there were some extremely lame moments and numerous inconsistencies. Some parts of the movie didn't really make sense in a plot-hole way, and I really don't get the asshole part (private joke amongst the viewers). It's incredible how people refuse to get to a safe distance when in the face of danger, and do so only when they see people dying all around them. Curiosity is one thing, but watching dumbly (while not in utter terror) is quite another.

The film smacks of budget-cuts. Lighting effects and screen-shaking are the call of the day. I'd say that it's an elegant solution to cost-cutting when it comes to filming. Saves the money involved trying to rig up expensive CGI effects and all. I'd say that the CGI effects were well-placed, and probably delivered the maximum impact with their presence.

Unfortunately, it was the plot holes that inevitably took the show down, as well as the crappy last quarter. I shan't spoil the ending, but really, the hero's family can't be the only ones on the street still surviving, right? I can understand that the focus should be on the protagonist, but making it seem as if the protagonist were the sole survivor is rather...overdoing it.

LONDON!

Oh dear, oh dear. Sorry, all you English fans out there, but I was sincerely hoping for Paris to host the Olympics in 2012. Alas, it was not to be. It was unreal, watching the announcer read those words out. I was watching the footage of all those French hopefuls, each one readied to party through the night. Kinda feel sorry for them. What i didn't like about the French, however, was what they'd said about English food and the likelihood of London hosting the Olympics. Bangers and mash aren't all that bad. They seemed overly confident, too, which did skew my favour towards their side. (I like confidence. I really do.)

Of minds and lift buttons

So here I am, sitting with a mug of chocolate syrup, (yeah, I make hot chocolate so strong that it doesn't really flow well) just thinking about the day. I would suppose that skeptics would be all over me, but I'm recording this as a log of the day's events. I was walking down the stairs to the lift and saw that it was waiting, but the door was closed (the door had a window, so I could see the lift behind it). I was thinking, "oh goody! It should open." and it did. Now, lift doors close by default in my apartment when waiting. So...this was an unusual incident. It happened before, when i was almost reaching the button with my finger. That was when I was thinking, "Open," and yeah...it did. On a related note, the exact same thing happened when I was approaching the traffic light and thought of pressing the button. The button pressed light promptly lit up even though there was nobody there. Now, I'm not about to claim that I've telekinetic powers. Could've been some kind of an electrical malfuction or something with a "perfectly rational explanation." Still, it's interesting to take note of such things.

Cosmetics and such

Ok. If someone had...say...an entire month away from work, that someone would have plenty of free time, right? Time to idle? Strange. I never seem to find a nice long stretch when I really can't find stuff to do. Well, hobby stuff anyway. By the standards of the world I'm probably extremely unproductive, not learning anything "concrete" and apparently not improving myself. Watching shows, reading books and writing stuff doesn't generally count as productive labour anyway, not unless one happens to be in a line involving that. Mmm. Makes me wonder why the heck I was pursuing a science degree in the first place.

There goes another day, spent going shopping with mom. It's strange, how little can be done within the vast amount of time that invariably elapses during a shopping trip. Just walking around, poking at stuff and buying a few items can take an entire day, and the stuff that we bring back isn't exactly something that would explain all the time that had been sucked into some black hole. Then again, I'd be rather upset if I'd bust my own budget by buying too much stuff. Oh, well.

The Wired

The Wired is a weird place. Here's a link that proves it: http://www.alterfin.com/dominique/
And here's another: http://www.durexdickerations.com/

Sometimes I wonder how my friends find such pages and why I always seem to end up receiving the links. Then again, nothing beats the titles of the spam messages. Just how would "adding a few inches" be considerate to a girlfriend? Uhhh...yeah. Whatever. Not as if it applies to me anyway. Not to mention the huge number of stock tips I'm getting. Just who the hell is signing me up for spam? Sheesh!

Reminiscing

I'm going into the last month of my extended vacation and kinda thinking back about what I'd been doing all this time. When I compare the life I'm leading now to the life I'd used to lead on previous vacations, I'd realise that my idea of entertainment had been through a great change. I'd played very few hours of computer games in the last month or so, and done a whole lot more reading and self-studying. Writing, too. Not to mention the amazing fact that I'd actually tidied my room to the point that mother's actually quite pleased. I really don't know how the days go by. I seem to be reading and chatting and surfing, and then it's already dinner time. Hmm. At least I know that my list of accomplishments is growing. That's some measure of comfort for me.

On a more personal note, I'd managed to buy myself a new pair of trainers. Running is fun if not for that nose of mine which is quite perpetually blocked and the fact that I get breathless quite easily. I hope the running will increase my fitness. Strange how I'd taken so long just to pick a simple pair of trainers. Picky picky...

Comfort

It's amazing, how much I'd never understood. Despite my many idealogical disagreements with my father, he's still remarkably understanding. He kinda accepts me for what I am and who I am. It's a nice break from how I'd thought all along that he would try to control my life and decide for me what I should be. Ahhh. How much I had misunderstood. My mother, however, has certain expectations of me, and I really hate to disappoint her. She's such a kind person. Personal life always conflicts with family life. C'est la vie.

My personal spam

Spam's incredible. I'm always getting those "increase your length", viagra and stock quotes. Best of all, I now know that I've thousands of extremely rich distant relatives, and corrupt politicians are just *dying* to get me to help them launder money. Strangely enough, none of them know that I conduct illegal deals with cash only. Dumbasses.

www.thinkgeek.com This is my tribute to you, thinkgeek. Heh. That site's got enough funky gadgets to keep my mind off depressing issues. Heck, I'd probably get stuff off it were I a bit looser with my purse strings. Unfortunately for them, I'm not. *laughs*

Poetry workshop

One-on-one coaching, that's what I'm at. I was chatting on the Wired and found that one of my juniors was having a bit of trouble with her poetry. And thus it began. After helping her out with one of her works, I'd found that I'd learned a bit about what good poetry entails. For one, attempting to pass prose off as poetry is a big no-no, especially if the resultant verse looks forced or is simply too random to take some form as proper poetry. I shan't criticize too much as I would not consider myself to be of sufficient caliber to do so. I daresay, though, that she's improving just fine. *laughs*

A nightmare

I'm being kept awake by a bizarre nightmare. I guess I'm more easily disturbed than I had originally thought. I guess I'll stay awake and pen this while my mind clears. When I was back late from the movie yesterday, I walked along an apartment block, with a swarm of insects chasing the fluorescent lights. What was disturbing was not the insects, but the fact that there was also a rather ripe odor in the vicinity. I was understandably spooked, and those flying insects were not of the common variety that swarms when rain is coming. Worst of all, when I looked back upon the apartment block, I'd realized that the insects were swarming in only one area. When it rains, they normally swarm to pretty much every fluorescent light. Freaky.

The nightmare was disturbing, though. I know like duh, all nightmares are. I'd say that it was more of a morally disturbing issue. I had dreamt that I had murdered, but instead of being haunted by the victim or discovered by the police, I was faced with a father who had absolute certainty that the deed was done. All I knew was that he'd probably tell. Well, as to the body, it was placed in a schoolbag and hidden so that it would not be found. As far as the dream-police were concerned, it was gone forever. I think it was supposed to have been dumped in a camp, yet I seem to remember it as an area from my high school. I don't know why the area is muddled in my head. Someone else knew, though. The guy who did it with me. The strangest part was that I know for sure that I had a dream about this before. Why am I having this dream again? Am I a murderer? Am I just afraid of my father/father figure? Or is it that I bloody need some sleep? I'm waking at the oddest hours. Geez. Why am I pensive about sleeping now? Am I afraid to have more nightmares, or am I afraid of finding out some truth? I think I'll bash some porings or something.

Fans nowadays.

I was walking past my neighbourhood stadium and noticed a soccer match in progress. As I moved along the covered walkway surrounding the stadium, I noticed a large number of fans smoking their lungs out. It's not that I've anything against smoking, but they were in fanclub jerseys. I mean like, they're implying that the team they're supposed to root for was not really worth their time and stuff. Makes me wonder why they were in the fanclub in the first place. It's not like school where people get coerced into turning up for dumb events. Ah, well, I'll never get people sometimes.

Random weirdness.

I was at the lift going up to my apartment. As the door was closing, I sped up a little so as not to miss it. I had this sudden "moment" of certainty that I wouldn't miss it. I reached out towards the button to press it, but the lift door opened before I could press it. Freaky. I'd thought someone had pressed it for me, but there was nobody else around. Reminds me of that event a couple years back, which some of my friends might know as the "balloon incident". That was when a balloon popped the moment I mimed shooting at it.

Shopping is gestalt therapy. Well, for me, anyway. Went about the mall and mingled with the crowd. Tried to get some japanese reading guides, but there were none at the stores. Bought some suppliments and then went back home. Ah, well, my wardrobe is quite full as it is. =p

I have a life! I just...

Well, gone back to the Ragnarok Online forum and encountered this new game! Ragnarok Battle Online/Offline or something. (I'll call it RBO from now on) Looks promising and I'm downloading it even as I type this entry. Mmm. I'm just a little sentimental about RO. It was the game that kinda brought me some of my social circle, weird as it may seem. Yeah, I know some people would like say that I've no life and all that. RO's for kids, bla bla. It's just plain fun and is a tad nicer than playing old arcade game remakes and all that. It's kinda something to do while chatting, which I do in-game most of the time. Not really played a Street Fighter type game for a long time so I'm looking forward to RBO *crosses fingers that it works*. I'm one of those stubborn types that would like to stick to their principles when it comes to gaming, like selecting a particular character type (Those who know me would know which that is).

Looking back, I know that I don't drink, don't smoke and thus don't really go out much on the "fun" stuff. Whatever that is, anyway. Waste of my life? Maybe. That could be a part of the reason why "I've Never Been To Me" and "Concrete Angel" are songs that affect me in such profound ways. I guess I'm just sentimental. *hugs old RO character*

Being at peace

Contentment, understanding and acceptance. Easier said than done. Sometimes you encounter someone doing something better than you do. Then, naturally, that person would become a guide of sorts. Maybe emulating that person would be desirable somehow. One of the worst things that could happen is that envy turns into a sort of jealousy, and then to resentment. I mean like , aspiring towards a goal is good, but mere resentment and ending up living by hatred and not improving oneself is a really unacceptable situation. It's a bit like going "What's she doing right that I'm not", "Why does she have everything and I don't" and so on. The resentment exists, but the will to improve is weak to nonexistent. Strangely enough, it happens all the time without people realizing it. Not everyone would step back from their lives and rethink what they had been doing like forever, just because it had become routine and they'd assumed that something that had gone on for so long wouldn't be going too wrong. Reminds me of how some people stay in power longer than they should.

Time flies

It's strange how time flies when one's doing the usual routine. Looked back upon my previous entries and discovered that I'd been writing for a couple months, though it had seemed like mere weeks (well, it was technically a few weeks). As usual, my concern is that i had not fully utilized my time. Sometimes I truly wonder what efficient utilization would be. Would I be obliged to pack events into my schedule while I'm having a break? Do I have to be busy every second of the day just so that I can say that I'd "done something" with my time? I wonder if casual reading, completing a course of learning and gaining valuable gaming experience would count. Hmm. I know that working part-time and getting grossly underpaid is not my way.

A little shopping...

Shopping with a friend is just plain fun. It's just nice to be able to go around looking at apparel that the two of us can understand. Participation is essential for a truly enjoyable shopping trip. Managed to pick a nice bag at a reasonable price. It was a slingbag, to be precise, but since it was meant for school use I'd call it a pack. Old school! Just the way I like things. Leather buckles coupled with a rugged looking broad sling. Mmm. If not for my love of backpacks, I would've gotten one for myself. IMO, sling bags just get in the way when you're turning about on crowded public transport, and especially when you're chasing a bus.

I'm just a born pavement pounder, I think. Got nothing against miles and miles of walking around just to get to places. My friends mind, sometimes, but they don't mind if I don't get them lost enroute. Got this awful navigation system installed in my head, such that my directions are often mirrored and I can never point correctly in the general direction of the target area. As a consolation, I'm downright decent when it comes to visualizing maps and chasing landmarks. Gota tri-n-goo-late.

Spywares? None, thanks.

Modern spywares have an amazing ability to shove themselves down others' throats, especially if they don't want it. (I do know of some sys admins who would willingly install spyware with the purpose of figuring out how to remove them). My friend's system caught an especially tenacious one that seems to foil the efforts of most free spyware removers. On a mozilla browser, no less! Mozilla's got this wonderful protection against most crap. Problem is that whatever does get through is nearly invariably virulent. Heh. Good luck to that one.

Blades and uh...blades!

My friend had asked me out today so I'd decided to go on a little shopping spree at the military surplus stores and the nearby stationery stores. I'd managed to get two items for myself:

1 (The Sheffield 12104 knife) and 2 (The NT A-300-GRP paper cutter)

For a basic utility knife that I normally carry about, the Sheffield is remarkably good value for money. The first one I'd gotten (the one I call Flower Cutter) has not rusted after quite some service in a sweaty pocket. No rust on the blade. Holds an edge quite well, too. What I like best about the Sheffield is the fact that it can be opened by one hand (left or right handed) and can be closed by one hand (if one knows the technique). Suits me fine as I like have ambidextrous blades.

The NT paper cutter was one of my old friends. The automatic locking mechanism is reliable and effective, and the metal parts seldom rusted (some of my friends eventually had rusty cutters). Never happened to me, though. I'm not really into buying paper cutters very often, so I'd figured that I might as well invest in a fairly good one. My last one was damaged beyond repair, so this one shall be its successor. Bwahaha.

Shopping

Shopping should not be family time. Kinda weird, given the fact that the only time we really get to shop is when it's a family day. I mean, it's really nice to go shopping with mother, but the old man would get sorta lonely and end up waiting outside of the store. I like know that he doesn't mind a whole lot, but he just seems so left out. Then again, when he does come in, he normally brings along the caveat to not spend too much. *sigh* I always feel a bit under pressure when he's around. But hey, if it keeps the family together, I really don't see how it would be a problem.

Life's like plain weird when you're the in-between. Father does one thing, mother does another and you kinda get stuck in the middle. I could like organize something that they both would like, but that would leave me feeling that I'm just fulfilling an obligation and wasting my time a little. It really does suck when you finish an entire day, come home at the end of it all and think about all the things you could've done in that time, and knowing the sacrifice in family time that would be. Someone always gets left out. C'est la vie.

The enraged elder

There was a fight in my neighbourhood today. An old woman apparently got irked by another man for encroaching on her business. I was quite amused by the exchange, though I didn't understand the precise origin of the tussle. She decided to get a broom and bonk the man over his head for his silliness, presumably. I would have rooted for her had my father not decided to help break it up. Frankly, I feel that it is much healthier to let them fight it out and save one before the other does any killing. Well, that's just me. And no, they were not a couple. They were just a pair of deranged neighbours. Since nobody was hurt, I guess the police weren't summoned. *sigh* It really gets boring when they don't do any follow-through.

Ok. That aside, I'd still not managed to summon the willpower to do the follow-through of my room cleanup. I never get the mood in the daytime, and having to accommodate the daily schedule makes it doubly hard to do it in the middle of the night, when I'm at my fittest to do any real tidying. (Note to Fenrir: Don't you blame me for this, too! Grr)

Soups and such

Life gets from bad to worse. Bovril's really given up on the beefy stock in those adorable little pots. The new stuff is...vegetarian-friendly. Yeast. Yetch. to give it some credit, it really does taste a little like the old stuff, though I would not mistake it for the original on any day of the week. No, not even with my nose stuffed and my eyes closed. The chicken stock paste is marginally better, mainly because it actually tastes like something familiar. The saddest part is that I'm resorting to soup stocks because I'm lazy to make soup(which cannot be made to any decent standard within 2 minutes) and because I really cannot stand the Campbell instant or canned soups. Well, they have sippable New England Clam Chowder(sippable for me) though quite a few may beg to differ. I guess I'm stuck with...fake beef stock until I can actually slap some Oxo together. Speaking of which, where the hell did Oxo beef stock cubes go? Ugh.

*Whine alert. Plod on or skip it. Entry resumes after whining.*


I really can never stand the attitude of the local people. There's this downtrodden, defeatist spirit about them. It makes me feel as if I am living in a defeated country with a people who's spirit has been crushed.

In short, I'd say that they have no "life". That is, both in the colloquial sense and in the metaphorical sense. Every time I read comments by the man/woman on the street, I encounter catch phrases like 'What can we do?" and "There's nothing to do." Not to take them out of context, the quoted examples were used respectively in relation to certain policies and about what one can do at the late hours. Seriously, lines like that would have been better left unsaid, given that the people obviously had nothing much to say. The immaturity of the locals' political attitudes are rather appalling, as well. Nobody likes to take the lead when expressing dissatisfaction out of an apparent Orwellian fear of the authorities. When I discuss political issues amongst friends, I get a lot of a people thinking only of two solutions: Acceptance or rebellion. Negotiations are often thrown out of the window as an option since they feel that whatever is said is never implemented anyway.

Not to drag this out any longer, I would say that we live in a democracy with a people harbouring the mindset of a dictatorship.

*Whine alert ended. Normal entry will now proceed.*

Decisions, decisions. Going off to College and now pondering if I should get a PC laptop, or a PB (powerbook) laptop. I am a total Mac idiot and even more of a laptop idiot. One cannot go wrong with a Mac, though. The configs are pure gold. Still, wondering if the institution would be Mac friendly, and if I'd actually figure out how to use one of those cool toys. Always been toying with the idea to actually pluck the apple of my eye (bad pun intended). It's now within my reach. I think I'll go with my instincts and get a Mac. After all, I don't really intend to do any gaming on my Mac. My desktop's for that. Quite a solid one as well. *hug* So yeah. That's gona be the idea I'd play around with till I actually decide. Aah. The anguish of free will.

Of PC Shows and jousting

I'd just gone over to a PC show today. PC shows are nearly invariably boring here and somehow or rather, each one always seems worse than the other. I can never tell if its because the shows never really have good deals on equipment, or it's because I simply don't have an eye out for them. Maybe it's just because I'd seen 'em all at least once before, and I'm not techno shopping at the moment.

It's strange, the crowds at the shows. My friend never seems to get jostled about, but it always seems that I'm tilting at every goon available at the place. I'd term it jousting. They just muscle past me like I'm some kinda japanese blind or something. Well, I'm not. Ugh. Maybe I'd just rub some dirt and grease all over me the next time I visit such a crowded place. Helps one slide past the people, and ensures that people don't wana get near. Win-win. *grin* I guess the locals really look for *any* kind of a deal, given how packed the expos always seem to be.

Prophecies

I adore prophecies. Was at a bookstore and browsing through the occult section. What caught my eye was the strangely large number of end-of-the-world prophecies, some even putting exact dates to the end times. In my opinion, prophecies are just like those books that teach you how to make money: You don't know if they work out until you try them out. The bookstore predictions have a sell-by date. If the time elapses(say, 2006) and the world still has not come to an end, the prophecy loses all of its credibility. In the meantime, however, they hold some degree of credibility as what is written within would be by definition improbable, but not impossible. I'd figured that I could write one such book every five years or so to supplement my income. Just how anyone can put one's faith in a prediction method that "discovers" significant events after they occur is really beyond me. I'd seen too many 9-11 prophecy books that had managed to find the event in their texts only after it had occurred. IMO, we need better seers.