Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Intellectual Laziness
What I found was my increasing inability to account for the time after work/school and on weekends. Worse yet, it seems that I had no true achievements of note even during the long school hols. That should have clued me in, but it was the feeling of being characteristically occupied that kept me from really putting a finger on what was going wrong.
After all, I never had a bored moment during my free time. I was always doing something as per normal, all the way till bedtime. That seemed ordinary enough. On closer inspection, however, I found that I was not learning new things as aggressively as I used to. I was not coming up with observations of life with the spontaneity I expected. Even when chatting, I did not feel the urge to watch a video to make the most of the time spent. I caught myself mechanically browsing the threads at forums for those worth responding to, but only because nobody was online to entertain me at the time.
These alarming findings were triggered by the way I was suddenly coming up with new blog entries. I was watching Mirrormask when I figured I could stop it halfway, sleep, then continue the following day. I realized then that it was very wrong. It was not very me to leave things undone, especially when it was a story. I would not normally read comics as a substitute for full novels. And I most certainly should not be having difficulty coming up with regular blog entries.
Of course, now that I know a problem exists, I owe it to myself to recapture the old magic that I had in my younger years. The sense of wonderment at what is going on out there, and the respect for knowledge even when my opinions differ from the direction that knowledge is leading.
This evening, I was taking the bus home when I started to space out again. Ok, so some may worry about my sanity (which, by the way, was never really quite intact to begin with), but it was a glimpse back into the worlds beyond the edges of vision. I saw the familiar strangeness like a black blob oozing about in the shadows, how the bus's interior just felt...wrong, and how strangely a bicycle was chained to a staircase at my place. It was that welcome detachment from reality that really spiced things up again. Of course, what is yet more worrying is how to prevent such intellectual laziness from creeping up again...
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Dreams
I note that I do appear to recall dreams more often when working and schooling, presumably because I wind up using the alarm clock to wake me. Given that work tends to get me staying up late, the alarm has actually a pretty good chance of cutting sleep off in the middle of a dream cycle. They really do appear to be around 3 hours apiece, since I tend to get just slightly less than 6 hours of sleep on average. If I sleep earlier and get precisely 6, I do not recall dreams. Hmm...
Monday, April 28, 2008
Retribution
Horton got me rethinking the concept of retribution. It’s said that when one does something bad, the “gods” will come down and cause trouble. Now imagine reality as a speck, which is a speck of a speck of a speck of a…you get the idea. In this case, I abuse an ant. It may be an ant to me, but it’s really a person in ant society.
Now, if the situation were reversed, I'd be an ant in the eyes of some higher being. That higher being would be an ant in the eyes of a yet higher being...and so on. Assume that every action is reflected by the higher beings. I abuse the ant, I get abused, and the higher being gets abused... Conversely, if I gave the ant the treat, the higher being gave me a treat...Therein lies a concept of retribution. Every action is mirrored in the higher and lower realities. In effect, reality is warped by these actions, and they come back in another form when least expected. As much as I'd like to, however, I am not really one to believe in the threefold law. I guess that renders the discussion moot.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Objectives
The reality is, however, that sometimes it is just more satisfying to see the end of a novel one is reading, rather than going around leaving a thousand things undone. Let this be a note to self never to forget that, lest eternity turn to a series of aimless wanderings.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The Value Of Life
Take for example a terrorist attack. It is successful and deals 2 million dollars in damage. Nobody was hurt or killed in the incident. Assuming that each person generates approximately 500k in a lifetime, the attack has effectively destroyed the life's labors of 4 people.
Extrapolating this to Leon's going rate in The Professional (25k), he is really operating at a massive discoun. He really should be raising his prices. In the context of a country's economy, it may be more efficient to negate the labors of the people by damaging the economy instead of killing people. After all, people consume resources to survive and need to redirect their labor to repair what was damaged.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Intellectual Evolution
Here, one needs only think about how even "logical" science is steeped in irrationality. It is logical to presume that there has been little benefit to being truly rational, and selection pressure has been strongly against the slowness of rationality in favour of the visceral speed of irrational responses.
However, times have changed. The Darwinistic selection pressure against rationality has shifted to irrationality. Now, it is overly irrational people who are less likely to be successful. I wonder how long it will be before evolution takes its course and breeds a bunch of rather more rational humans...
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Reason
Yet it feels like I have not been true to myself. Blogging seems far less personal than my diary writing ever was. Back in high school, my diary never left my side. I did everything in my power to keep others from reading it. A blog is open for all to read, since it is actually online and meant to be accessed.
As a result, some things just cannot be written on a blog. Personal things, echoes of creation, specific follies that affect others and all their like. In a way, this means the blog is in no way as comprehensive as a true diary. Of course, the initial purpose of this exercise was to provide a way to share thoughts with others. Less personal, perhaps, but nonetheless cathartic. I get the nagging feeling, though, that keeping a diary as well would allow for more frank entries.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Symbolism
I find it disturbing that, when something goes wrong, many people seem more inclined to symbolically solve it and thus salve their discontent than to remove the cause of that wrongness. Perhaps this is part of the origin of superstition, whereby something symbolic is blamed for the streak of "bad luck" that strikes the said person.
The known propensity for self-deception only worsens this problem, convincing the hapless person that luck has changed due to the symbolic act. A rabbit's foot takes center stage alongside mean regression. Likewise, when something goes horribly wrong, the knee jerk call is for a leader to accept blame instead of the perpetrator of that act.
I think this is disturbing because it smacks of the irrational fears that fueled the witch hunts not too long ago. It smacks of the genocide that is perpetrated on the grounds that a particular race is to blame for the "evils" of a country. Someone takes the fall for another's faults.
Worse yet, this is all a way of coping with the unknowable. The scope of social problems is so vast, its roots so obscure, that most people have no hope of fully comprehending its origin. On a small scale, it is about why the dice never favoured the gambler to begin with. On a large scale, it is why the country is messed up in the first place.
All this also becomes fertile grounds for lashing out against the one who is unpopular.
Almost invariably, some bigshot in a corporation steps down as a result of the company entering dire straits. It is done to placate the murmuring shareholders. But internally? How was the scapegoat selected to begin with?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Losing The Soul
However, these items are easily co-opted by capitalism. Native American handicrafts have a unique flavor of their own because they are made by hand, by Native Americans no less. Once these items start being made in large numbers, their aura diminishes. Each item, though physically unique through handcrafting, becomes a unit in a long series of units. Put together, each unique item becomes just another in a crowd.
This is possibly where the soul is lost in many modern societies. A good thing is found and effort is made to replicate it for all. But by providing for everyone, the precious object is provided for no one. After all, there can be only one original: The one that set off the craze in the first place.
In a way, every other item in the series has become a cheap copy: the spark of creativity no longer exists in it since nobody is attempting to create the next unique item. Every other derivation may become a soulless work, created solely to replicate the success of the original. No longer is it an expression of individuality. No longer does it have its soul.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Office Politics
The details differ, but the pattern remains. Where there is a common want, scarcity and an inability to share that want, conflict arises. What is worse is that most people find it pretty impossible to be civil in a situation such as this. In fact, it appears that asking colleagues to play fair is akin to telling warring states to be gentlemanly while waging war. i.e. Not Gona Happen (tm)
Adding more spice to the gumbo, the worst scenarios almost invariably occur when fighting for a position in senior management. Only the best connected and most hardy need apply. It is a decision made which occasionally completely disregards personal ability in favour of some unknown favouritism.
Of course, that is simply an example of a situation gone completely out of hand. The bad news, of course, is that the situation in reality may not be much better.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Horton
I suppose I should begin by praising the layered story, and how it is simple enough for children to understand, yet has sufficient symbolic depth to satisfy a more discerning adult. Unfortunately, it also appears to harbor some slapped on modern ideologies that look quite out of place against the core narrative.
I totally love the character designs. Especially Katie. It's strange how one can fall in love with a character that is little more than a floofball that barely ever says anything coherent, and only manages to spout nonsensical sentences while coherent. Of course, this character happens to be very similar to my concept of what a Floof should be, so that made Katie only the more endearing.
Horton chronicles the development of an eccentric elephant to a true hero, with his nobility mirroring the ordeals of Galileo as he tried to convince the Church that the world was not quite as they thought it was. I found his nobility touching to the point of tears, seeing as how he struggled to the bitter end to preserve the lives of the ones he swore to protect. 100%, Horton!
Oh, and 9/10 for including stuff that I'm pretty sure were not originally in the book.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Dragonflies

Seeing as how the dragonfly did not seem to want to move from its perch, I proceeded to deploy the tripod and gave it a full model shoot. I think that was pretty amusing, considering the dragonfly was a total camwhore. It stayed so still, and did not move for about 2 hours. During this time, I was pegging other stuff. While I was at my work, another two dragonflies decided to settle down so they could have me take their portfolio photos.
On hindsight, I took some spiffy photos and should perhaps ask the dragonflies for a model release so I can market their pics. On the other paw, I felt quite dumb having sat around for 2 hours just to shoot insects within a 3 square meter area. In a way, I began to understand why some photographers would take so long just to produce a single photograph. It really isn’t as simple as pulling the device to the eye and snapping a shot.
Note to self: Dragonflies are probably lazy in the evening, so that would be a good time to shoot them.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Take Us Away
Anyway, it's times like these that really make me feel like running in the forest or sitting by the river or something. Anything to get away from humans. Just about everything can get irritating, and there's this wonderful burning sensation all over. Ah, the wonders of the body.
Of course, mom would happily pounce on this as further "proof" of my "laziness". Something like just wanting to get away from work. I'd call it more a case of anywhere-but-here. I literally feel like getting away. Anywhere. Just not where I am right now. I trust the feelings will pass with the next real phase of the moon, but it's an interesting situation to be in.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Turn Taking
An observation while in public is the way people try to give way to others when at the subway.
In a favorable situation, two approaching people will both step to the same side and successfully clear the way for one another. In a less favorable situation, both will step in opposite directions and effectively obstruct one another's way.
This appears to create quite a bit of stress, since both people are usually in some sort of hurry to get to the other train. After realizing that there is an obstruction, both people will attempt to dodge again. Interestingly enough, the time delay between dodges is often precise to the millisecond. Both people will actually dodge at precisely the same time, often in the opposite direction they initially dodged. Understandably, this causes yet another blockage and increases stress levels further. In fact, a whole series of dodges may occur in rapid (and synchronized) succession until the blockage is resolved.
Perhaps this is an indication of how reflexes and social conditioning in turn taking work together to cause a fairly predictable series of responses. In this case, though, it can be presumed that both people will feel that the other person is somehow inconsiderate or inept in being unable to clear the way for the other...
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Down
Anyway, while I am in the mood, I suppose it is only proper to reflect on the emptiness of life. Of course, this would concern how one's day can be dominated by work (even if it's enjoyable), leaving very little time for personal enjoyment. In fact, much of that personal enjoyment time is in turn taken up by people asking you out on weekends and every other time you are free.
Perhaps this sounds a tad antisocial, but one's social life can really be a drudge. But then again it's a view through oddly tinted emo-glasses. I expect my take on this would differ after a good sleep and all that.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Remembering The Destitute
Sometimes, the destitute do not take the form of the vagabond sleeping on the streets. Indeed, they may even be the cheerful-looking geezer that really lives in a dingy rental. In fact, if the streets were cleaned up or if one lives in a "good" neighbourhood, it becomes difficult to even notice that anyone is struggling with life. At least in the economic sense.
This could perhaps create a sort of ambivalence towards being generous towards these people. The apparently cheerful geezer turns into a form of bogeyman-leech that is sucking money from the public coffers (which, naturally, should go straight to the complainant).
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
On Design And Ideas
After being in the game industry for mere months, I could begin to see the origins of the myriad problems I found in games nowadays. It is strange that, within a few short decades, games are thought to have “matured” and set into fixed formulae. It is disheartening to realize that, in the pressure to create a potentially profitable game within a short period of time, even I have found myself falling back onto those formulae to push a product out. The more radical and experimental ideas would have been rejected by the producer as unsuited to the target market, or simply found to be “not-fun”.
Fun is the buzzword and the lifeblood of the current industry. Without fun, there is no game. There may be a simulation being made, but it will never survive on the mass market. Instead, the storekeeps are increasingly becoming inundated by the latest and greatest fads in game types. Perhaps the flavour of the season was WWII, in which case WWII games would pop up like mushrooms. In fact, they would come in almost precisely two types: FPSs and RTS. Few are motivated to innovate.
In fact, what is yet more disturbing is seeing how I could not simply pull a fresh idea out of thin air without drawing on the norms of some other game type. Ideas created not supported by some established form turned out to be incomprehensible to everyone but the creator (namely me) and turned out to be hard to explain and learn.
Therein lies the crunch: I am probably not as original an idea generator as Will Wright, and I sure am not stubborn enough to really pull my weight to insist that they try the idea to the finish. Lots of newbie designers probably started off this way, being somewhat uncertain about ideas and/or having difficulty pitching them. But the scary bit is really that even good ideas like Will Wright’s would have likely fallen on the wayside had the designer not strongly lobbied for their conception.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Olympic Madness
Such a strike is unbecoming of those purporting to defend human rights, considering that sports in itself is a human right to organize a peaceful competition whereby people can pit themselves against one another without causing bloodshed. Should they have a care, the activists must reconsider their actions and instead consider more direct approaches to protesting against China's acts. Preferably one that is not a pillar of peaceful competition.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Taboo
Taboos are interesting things. They are social sanctions for humans to descend to an illogical animal level. Take for example the case of murder. Willfully killing humans is a taboo topic. Mention that and there is a very good chance that you'd be rejected outright for discussing it. In fact, the taboo against such killing is so strong that euthanasia is illegal in many (if not most) countries. However, people are far more willing to condone executions and wars. Clearly, killing is not really on the books as much as it is the notion of killing without what is perceived as a just cause. In other words, killing can be justified in some situations.
Extrapolate this to the taboo of cannibalism. Many would balk at the very consideration of this very taboo topic. Upon closer logical analysis, however, it seems a fairly mundane topic. Take an animal, kill it, then eat it. After all, many people do that to cows, pigs and chickens. Throw humans into the mix and logic goes clean out the window. Suddenly, the suggestion becomes massively repugnant.
Interestingly enough, the same response can be elicited from people when one suggests that they consume their dead pets. It is another gross violation of relationships, even though it now involves a non-human animal.
Now consider the realities of cannibalism. Contrary to popular perceptions of savages hunting down random people and slaying them for food, how about the ritualistic consumption of human meat as a sacrament? The flesh is regarded as sacred and treated with the utmost respect. No savagery here. Just something that may be experienced in any religious ritual.
This is where the taboo effect emerges. Most would immediately cut off their logic circuits at the very mention of the possibility that cannibalism is in some way acceptable. Those people have effectively moved down to a more visceral level of response governed purely by emotions. Clearly, they will not move on to realize that a (small?) number of cultures find absolutely nothing wrong with consuming human flesh. If anything, these cultures would be viewed as absolute outliers. Never would it be considered that human meat be the solution to world hunger. Such is unthinkable.
Unthinkable, perhaps, to an unthinking audience. While the purpose of this entry is not to highlight the possibility of using humans as meat, it does raise hackles by even suggesting that a taboo act be made mainstream and used to solve a very real worldwide problem. Taboo, anyone?
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Unhealthy Obsessions
It is disheartening to see such obsessions as feeling that one's looks are inadequate compared to the airbrushed perfection of supermodels. It is worse yet to realize that they really feel that the photoshopped supermodels were really some sort of bizarre standards of beauty. Naturally, this meant that the supermodels were the only average lookers out there. I truly pity all the ugly people in this world who will never find mates. That is, approximately 99.9999% of the population.
That aside, there are even obsessions over how guyish they look and swearing that they would most certainly not look like girls were they to shave their heads. Of course, I really didn't have the heart to hold them by the throat and inform them between clenched fangs that people really do look rather androgynous when they shave their heads. Ah...the humanity...