The Wired

The Wired is a weird place. Here's a link that proves it: http://www.alterfin.com/dominique/
And here's another: http://www.durexdickerations.com/

Sometimes I wonder how my friends find such pages and why I always seem to end up receiving the links. Then again, nothing beats the titles of the spam messages. Just how would "adding a few inches" be considerate to a girlfriend? Uhhh...yeah. Whatever. Not as if it applies to me anyway. Not to mention the huge number of stock tips I'm getting. Just who the hell is signing me up for spam? Sheesh!

Reminiscing

I'm going into the last month of my extended vacation and kinda thinking back about what I'd been doing all this time. When I compare the life I'm leading now to the life I'd used to lead on previous vacations, I'd realise that my idea of entertainment had been through a great change. I'd played very few hours of computer games in the last month or so, and done a whole lot more reading and self-studying. Writing, too. Not to mention the amazing fact that I'd actually tidied my room to the point that mother's actually quite pleased. I really don't know how the days go by. I seem to be reading and chatting and surfing, and then it's already dinner time. Hmm. At least I know that my list of accomplishments is growing. That's some measure of comfort for me.

On a more personal note, I'd managed to buy myself a new pair of trainers. Running is fun if not for that nose of mine which is quite perpetually blocked and the fact that I get breathless quite easily. I hope the running will increase my fitness. Strange how I'd taken so long just to pick a simple pair of trainers. Picky picky...

Comfort

It's amazing, how much I'd never understood. Despite my many idealogical disagreements with my father, he's still remarkably understanding. He kinda accepts me for what I am and who I am. It's a nice break from how I'd thought all along that he would try to control my life and decide for me what I should be. Ahhh. How much I had misunderstood. My mother, however, has certain expectations of me, and I really hate to disappoint her. She's such a kind person. Personal life always conflicts with family life. C'est la vie.

My personal spam

Spam's incredible. I'm always getting those "increase your length", viagra and stock quotes. Best of all, I now know that I've thousands of extremely rich distant relatives, and corrupt politicians are just *dying* to get me to help them launder money. Strangely enough, none of them know that I conduct illegal deals with cash only. Dumbasses.

www.thinkgeek.com This is my tribute to you, thinkgeek. Heh. That site's got enough funky gadgets to keep my mind off depressing issues. Heck, I'd probably get stuff off it were I a bit looser with my purse strings. Unfortunately for them, I'm not. *laughs*

Poetry workshop

One-on-one coaching, that's what I'm at. I was chatting on the Wired and found that one of my juniors was having a bit of trouble with her poetry. And thus it began. After helping her out with one of her works, I'd found that I'd learned a bit about what good poetry entails. For one, attempting to pass prose off as poetry is a big no-no, especially if the resultant verse looks forced or is simply too random to take some form as proper poetry. I shan't criticize too much as I would not consider myself to be of sufficient caliber to do so. I daresay, though, that she's improving just fine. *laughs*

A nightmare

I'm being kept awake by a bizarre nightmare. I guess I'm more easily disturbed than I had originally thought. I guess I'll stay awake and pen this while my mind clears. When I was back late from the movie yesterday, I walked along an apartment block, with a swarm of insects chasing the fluorescent lights. What was disturbing was not the insects, but the fact that there was also a rather ripe odor in the vicinity. I was understandably spooked, and those flying insects were not of the common variety that swarms when rain is coming. Worst of all, when I looked back upon the apartment block, I'd realized that the insects were swarming in only one area. When it rains, they normally swarm to pretty much every fluorescent light. Freaky.

The nightmare was disturbing, though. I know like duh, all nightmares are. I'd say that it was more of a morally disturbing issue. I had dreamt that I had murdered, but instead of being haunted by the victim or discovered by the police, I was faced with a father who had absolute certainty that the deed was done. All I knew was that he'd probably tell. Well, as to the body, it was placed in a schoolbag and hidden so that it would not be found. As far as the dream-police were concerned, it was gone forever. I think it was supposed to have been dumped in a camp, yet I seem to remember it as an area from my high school. I don't know why the area is muddled in my head. Someone else knew, though. The guy who did it with me. The strangest part was that I know for sure that I had a dream about this before. Why am I having this dream again? Am I a murderer? Am I just afraid of my father/father figure? Or is it that I bloody need some sleep? I'm waking at the oddest hours. Geez. Why am I pensive about sleeping now? Am I afraid to have more nightmares, or am I afraid of finding out some truth? I think I'll bash some porings or something.

Fans nowadays.

I was walking past my neighbourhood stadium and noticed a soccer match in progress. As I moved along the covered walkway surrounding the stadium, I noticed a large number of fans smoking their lungs out. It's not that I've anything against smoking, but they were in fanclub jerseys. I mean like, they're implying that the team they're supposed to root for was not really worth their time and stuff. Makes me wonder why they were in the fanclub in the first place. It's not like school where people get coerced into turning up for dumb events. Ah, well, I'll never get people sometimes.

Random weirdness.

I was at the lift going up to my apartment. As the door was closing, I sped up a little so as not to miss it. I had this sudden "moment" of certainty that I wouldn't miss it. I reached out towards the button to press it, but the lift door opened before I could press it. Freaky. I'd thought someone had pressed it for me, but there was nobody else around. Reminds me of that event a couple years back, which some of my friends might know as the "balloon incident". That was when a balloon popped the moment I mimed shooting at it.

Shopping is gestalt therapy. Well, for me, anyway. Went about the mall and mingled with the crowd. Tried to get some japanese reading guides, but there were none at the stores. Bought some suppliments and then went back home. Ah, well, my wardrobe is quite full as it is. =p

I have a life! I just...

Well, gone back to the Ragnarok Online forum and encountered this new game! Ragnarok Battle Online/Offline or something. (I'll call it RBO from now on) Looks promising and I'm downloading it even as I type this entry. Mmm. I'm just a little sentimental about RO. It was the game that kinda brought me some of my social circle, weird as it may seem. Yeah, I know some people would like say that I've no life and all that. RO's for kids, bla bla. It's just plain fun and is a tad nicer than playing old arcade game remakes and all that. It's kinda something to do while chatting, which I do in-game most of the time. Not really played a Street Fighter type game for a long time so I'm looking forward to RBO *crosses fingers that it works*. I'm one of those stubborn types that would like to stick to their principles when it comes to gaming, like selecting a particular character type (Those who know me would know which that is).

Looking back, I know that I don't drink, don't smoke and thus don't really go out much on the "fun" stuff. Whatever that is, anyway. Waste of my life? Maybe. That could be a part of the reason why "I've Never Been To Me" and "Concrete Angel" are songs that affect me in such profound ways. I guess I'm just sentimental. *hugs old RO character*

Being at peace

Contentment, understanding and acceptance. Easier said than done. Sometimes you encounter someone doing something better than you do. Then, naturally, that person would become a guide of sorts. Maybe emulating that person would be desirable somehow. One of the worst things that could happen is that envy turns into a sort of jealousy, and then to resentment. I mean like , aspiring towards a goal is good, but mere resentment and ending up living by hatred and not improving oneself is a really unacceptable situation. It's a bit like going "What's she doing right that I'm not", "Why does she have everything and I don't" and so on. The resentment exists, but the will to improve is weak to nonexistent. Strangely enough, it happens all the time without people realizing it. Not everyone would step back from their lives and rethink what they had been doing like forever, just because it had become routine and they'd assumed that something that had gone on for so long wouldn't be going too wrong. Reminds me of how some people stay in power longer than they should.

Time flies

It's strange how time flies when one's doing the usual routine. Looked back upon my previous entries and discovered that I'd been writing for a couple months, though it had seemed like mere weeks (well, it was technically a few weeks). As usual, my concern is that i had not fully utilized my time. Sometimes I truly wonder what efficient utilization would be. Would I be obliged to pack events into my schedule while I'm having a break? Do I have to be busy every second of the day just so that I can say that I'd "done something" with my time? I wonder if casual reading, completing a course of learning and gaining valuable gaming experience would count. Hmm. I know that working part-time and getting grossly underpaid is not my way.

A little shopping...

Shopping with a friend is just plain fun. It's just nice to be able to go around looking at apparel that the two of us can understand. Participation is essential for a truly enjoyable shopping trip. Managed to pick a nice bag at a reasonable price. It was a slingbag, to be precise, but since it was meant for school use I'd call it a pack. Old school! Just the way I like things. Leather buckles coupled with a rugged looking broad sling. Mmm. If not for my love of backpacks, I would've gotten one for myself. IMO, sling bags just get in the way when you're turning about on crowded public transport, and especially when you're chasing a bus.

I'm just a born pavement pounder, I think. Got nothing against miles and miles of walking around just to get to places. My friends mind, sometimes, but they don't mind if I don't get them lost enroute. Got this awful navigation system installed in my head, such that my directions are often mirrored and I can never point correctly in the general direction of the target area. As a consolation, I'm downright decent when it comes to visualizing maps and chasing landmarks. Gota tri-n-goo-late.

Spywares? None, thanks.

Modern spywares have an amazing ability to shove themselves down others' throats, especially if they don't want it. (I do know of some sys admins who would willingly install spyware with the purpose of figuring out how to remove them). My friend's system caught an especially tenacious one that seems to foil the efforts of most free spyware removers. On a mozilla browser, no less! Mozilla's got this wonderful protection against most crap. Problem is that whatever does get through is nearly invariably virulent. Heh. Good luck to that one.

Blades and uh...blades!

My friend had asked me out today so I'd decided to go on a little shopping spree at the military surplus stores and the nearby stationery stores. I'd managed to get two items for myself:

1 (The Sheffield 12104 knife) and 2 (The NT A-300-GRP paper cutter)

For a basic utility knife that I normally carry about, the Sheffield is remarkably good value for money. The first one I'd gotten (the one I call Flower Cutter) has not rusted after quite some service in a sweaty pocket. No rust on the blade. Holds an edge quite well, too. What I like best about the Sheffield is the fact that it can be opened by one hand (left or right handed) and can be closed by one hand (if one knows the technique). Suits me fine as I like have ambidextrous blades.

The NT paper cutter was one of my old friends. The automatic locking mechanism is reliable and effective, and the metal parts seldom rusted (some of my friends eventually had rusty cutters). Never happened to me, though. I'm not really into buying paper cutters very often, so I'd figured that I might as well invest in a fairly good one. My last one was damaged beyond repair, so this one shall be its successor. Bwahaha.

Shopping

Shopping should not be family time. Kinda weird, given the fact that the only time we really get to shop is when it's a family day. I mean, it's really nice to go shopping with mother, but the old man would get sorta lonely and end up waiting outside of the store. I like know that he doesn't mind a whole lot, but he just seems so left out. Then again, when he does come in, he normally brings along the caveat to not spend too much. *sigh* I always feel a bit under pressure when he's around. But hey, if it keeps the family together, I really don't see how it would be a problem.

Life's like plain weird when you're the in-between. Father does one thing, mother does another and you kinda get stuck in the middle. I could like organize something that they both would like, but that would leave me feeling that I'm just fulfilling an obligation and wasting my time a little. It really does suck when you finish an entire day, come home at the end of it all and think about all the things you could've done in that time, and knowing the sacrifice in family time that would be. Someone always gets left out. C'est la vie.

The enraged elder

There was a fight in my neighbourhood today. An old woman apparently got irked by another man for encroaching on her business. I was quite amused by the exchange, though I didn't understand the precise origin of the tussle. She decided to get a broom and bonk the man over his head for his silliness, presumably. I would have rooted for her had my father not decided to help break it up. Frankly, I feel that it is much healthier to let them fight it out and save one before the other does any killing. Well, that's just me. And no, they were not a couple. They were just a pair of deranged neighbours. Since nobody was hurt, I guess the police weren't summoned. *sigh* It really gets boring when they don't do any follow-through.

Ok. That aside, I'd still not managed to summon the willpower to do the follow-through of my room cleanup. I never get the mood in the daytime, and having to accommodate the daily schedule makes it doubly hard to do it in the middle of the night, when I'm at my fittest to do any real tidying. (Note to Fenrir: Don't you blame me for this, too! Grr)

Soups and such

Life gets from bad to worse. Bovril's really given up on the beefy stock in those adorable little pots. The new stuff is...vegetarian-friendly. Yeast. Yetch. to give it some credit, it really does taste a little like the old stuff, though I would not mistake it for the original on any day of the week. No, not even with my nose stuffed and my eyes closed. The chicken stock paste is marginally better, mainly because it actually tastes like something familiar. The saddest part is that I'm resorting to soup stocks because I'm lazy to make soup(which cannot be made to any decent standard within 2 minutes) and because I really cannot stand the Campbell instant or canned soups. Well, they have sippable New England Clam Chowder(sippable for me) though quite a few may beg to differ. I guess I'm stuck with...fake beef stock until I can actually slap some Oxo together. Speaking of which, where the hell did Oxo beef stock cubes go? Ugh.

*Whine alert. Plod on or skip it. Entry resumes after whining.*


I really can never stand the attitude of the local people. There's this downtrodden, defeatist spirit about them. It makes me feel as if I am living in a defeated country with a people who's spirit has been crushed.

In short, I'd say that they have no "life". That is, both in the colloquial sense and in the metaphorical sense. Every time I read comments by the man/woman on the street, I encounter catch phrases like 'What can we do?" and "There's nothing to do." Not to take them out of context, the quoted examples were used respectively in relation to certain policies and about what one can do at the late hours. Seriously, lines like that would have been better left unsaid, given that the people obviously had nothing much to say. The immaturity of the locals' political attitudes are rather appalling, as well. Nobody likes to take the lead when expressing dissatisfaction out of an apparent Orwellian fear of the authorities. When I discuss political issues amongst friends, I get a lot of a people thinking only of two solutions: Acceptance or rebellion. Negotiations are often thrown out of the window as an option since they feel that whatever is said is never implemented anyway.

Not to drag this out any longer, I would say that we live in a democracy with a people harbouring the mindset of a dictatorship.

*Whine alert ended. Normal entry will now proceed.*

Decisions, decisions. Going off to College and now pondering if I should get a PC laptop, or a PB (powerbook) laptop. I am a total Mac idiot and even more of a laptop idiot. One cannot go wrong with a Mac, though. The configs are pure gold. Still, wondering if the institution would be Mac friendly, and if I'd actually figure out how to use one of those cool toys. Always been toying with the idea to actually pluck the apple of my eye (bad pun intended). It's now within my reach. I think I'll go with my instincts and get a Mac. After all, I don't really intend to do any gaming on my Mac. My desktop's for that. Quite a solid one as well. *hug* So yeah. That's gona be the idea I'd play around with till I actually decide. Aah. The anguish of free will.

Of PC Shows and jousting

I'd just gone over to a PC show today. PC shows are nearly invariably boring here and somehow or rather, each one always seems worse than the other. I can never tell if its because the shows never really have good deals on equipment, or it's because I simply don't have an eye out for them. Maybe it's just because I'd seen 'em all at least once before, and I'm not techno shopping at the moment.

It's strange, the crowds at the shows. My friend never seems to get jostled about, but it always seems that I'm tilting at every goon available at the place. I'd term it jousting. They just muscle past me like I'm some kinda japanese blind or something. Well, I'm not. Ugh. Maybe I'd just rub some dirt and grease all over me the next time I visit such a crowded place. Helps one slide past the people, and ensures that people don't wana get near. Win-win. *grin* I guess the locals really look for *any* kind of a deal, given how packed the expos always seem to be.

Prophecies

I adore prophecies. Was at a bookstore and browsing through the occult section. What caught my eye was the strangely large number of end-of-the-world prophecies, some even putting exact dates to the end times. In my opinion, prophecies are just like those books that teach you how to make money: You don't know if they work out until you try them out. The bookstore predictions have a sell-by date. If the time elapses(say, 2006) and the world still has not come to an end, the prophecy loses all of its credibility. In the meantime, however, they hold some degree of credibility as what is written within would be by definition improbable, but not impossible. I'd figured that I could write one such book every five years or so to supplement my income. Just how anyone can put one's faith in a prediction method that "discovers" significant events after they occur is really beyond me. I'd seen too many 9-11 prophecy books that had managed to find the event in their texts only after it had occurred. IMO, we need better seers.